Wordless Wednesday ~ October 26, 2011 The Morning Grumps

This picture sums up the general feeling in our house first thing this morning. 

Good news is that we've conquered it and now we're full of happiness, smiles and laughter.  Let's hope it stays that way!

Relationships ARE Work

I think we all agree relationships are hard.  They take work.  Hard work even, if we want to maintain and help them grow better, bigger, brighter.

That said, I think there are always times we get annoyed with our significant other.  There are even tines, dare I say, that we want to throw in the towel and walk ( sometimes run) away.  And you know what?  That's ok.  It's called being human.

However, when you love someone enough you continue to work hard to fix and overcome problems.  Sometimes it takes some breathing room and thinking.  But, we come back for more because the relationship and the bond we have overrides everything else.

So here are some of the reasons I work hard to keep my marriage alive and well:

*  He doesn't put our financial future at risk by purchasing frivolous things.

*  He plays like a big kid with our children.

*  He is truly happy to be home with us when he walks in the door after work.

*  He sits with my son when he has a stomach bug.

*  Sometimes he will just walk up to me and hold and kiss me for no particular reason.

*  He has our my needs first.  We bought my new cell before his (even though his really needed replacing).  He helped me finance a car since my van died.

*  He gets indignant in my behalf.  Sometimes more so than me.

*  He enjoys snuggling/cuddling with me.

*  He graciously takes no for an answer when I'm not up to making love (my back, neck and/or shoulder hurt).

*  He works two jobs so we can stay afloat.  He rarely complains about it even though 3 nights a week he falls into bed at 11only to wake up at 3:30 for his main job.

*  Somehow he gets little sleep, works 10+ hours and wants to drive an hour to watch our son play hockey.

He just gets me.  We fight and argue like cats and dogs at times.  It's just the way we are.  We're both Cancers.  We both come from management backgrounds.  However, when push comes to shove we stick like glue.

When I see how some other spouses are with their wives/husbands it makes me thankful that I am with a man who truly loves and cares for me and our children.

Thank you honey for everything you do for us.

Fall....the Best Season of All

As I've gotten older I find my seasonal preferences shifting from fun in the sun to crisp fall days.

My favorite season when I was younger was summer by far.   I craved hot summer days.  I would lather up with Hawaiian Tropic Oil ,lay out back on a lounger and bask in the golden sun. 

Nowadays that same sun causes me to cringe in fear.  Somehow in the last few years the sun has become my enemy.  The heat and humidity effect my body in ways I still don't understand.  It dehydrates me, makes my body weak and shaky and blackness closes in.  So now I'm extremely careful going out to enjoy a summer's day.

However, fall is cool and filled with beautiful ever changing colors.  I love experiencing these changes with my family.

We enjoy walking and taking in the breathtaking reds, oranges and yellows surrounding us.

I love the smell of leaves burning.  I love staring into the dancing flames.  It's invigorating.

We have our fall traditions.  We start with apple pucking in late September.  Then we decorate the house inside and out for fall.  Finally we head to a local farm to pick out pumpkins.  We drink hot apple cider and eat dense apple cider donuts.  We trail through hay and corn mazes.  We take hayrides into the pumpkin fields.

After all the pumpkin field fun we take our pumpkins home to carve.  Carving is so much fun.  The kids deliberate on how to proceed.  Will they go free style?  Use a stencil?  Or use the plastic cut out pieces to pierce the pumpkin skin, trace and then cut the shapes out?

Then Halloween arrives.  The kids dress up and excitedly run door to door for Halloween goodies before hitting the wall of exhaustion.  We finish the night off at our local ice cream stand.  Halloween night is their final hoorah before shutting down for the season.  Free ice cream for all!

Before I know it October is over and Thanksgiving is on its way.  Before long it'll be winter.

Winter...please hold off as long as you can.  I want to enjoy the crisp fall days before they turn brutally cold.

Thankful Friday~October 21

Hooray it's finally Friday!  Here's my list on what I'm thankful for this week.

1.  So happy Friday finally made it and I am still mentally intact.  The second half of this week has been stressful for me.  Unfortunately, stress often turns into anxiety for me.  I've been emotionally wound tight the last few days.  Thankfully, today proved to be a good day without much stress so the anxiety is seeping away.

2.  Today my kids school had picture day.  First, I was able to purchase a picture package this year.  This made me so happy.  (Yes, sometimes it's the little things in life).  Last year I forewent Fall pictures and just purchased an 8x10 Spring picture.  Second, we had fun going online last night to pick out the perfect backgrounds to go with their picture day outfits.  And last, despite hair battles this morning they arrived at school looking picture perfect.

3.  Goalieboy studied really hard all week for his social studies test without much of a fight.  His dedication and hard work paid off.  He got a 97!  Proud mama here!

4.  Both kids lost their games on Saturday.  But they played their hearts out and didn't give up.  Little Bee took a chance and played goalie for her soccer game for a quarter.  I think she's decided its not her thing and that's ok.  Poor Goalieboy is playing on a team that is struggling.  I think many players don't really understand positioning yet. I'm proud he hasn't let it get him down. 

5.  I have a new (to me) car!  We went car shopping and hubby helped me get one.  He's going to help me with the payments until I can fully afford them. 

All and all it's been a good week.  There's been ups and down but I always try to focus on the positives.

What are you thankful for this week?

Dear Son, You Make Me So Proud

Dear Son,

As you sleep tonight I look in on you and am overwhelmed with the love I feel for you.  I just had to snuggle with you for a few minutes and whisper my thoughts to you.

I am so proud of who you are.  I know sometimes I am hard on you but it’s because I want you to be the best you can be.  I want to push you so that you don’t give up on your dreams.  I know you have it in you and sometimes you fear failure.  I want you to know it’s ok to fail.  We learn from our failures and mistakes. 

We grow from them and overcome obstacles we never thought we could hurdle over.  I think you are starting to understand that nothing worth having comes easy.  You have to work hard for what you want and never give up.

You’ve come so far this school year.  You are showing what I’ve known has been hidden behind the surface all along.  You are learning to believe in yourself.  I think you are starting to see what I’ve been telling you all along.  I will always be your biggest cheerleader, pushing you on to the finishing line.

I’m watching you grow and mature before my very eyes and the transformation has come about quickly, in just the past 6 weeks.

You amaze me.  I hope you amaze yourself.  I hope you see, hear and feel my pride.  You are becoming a stronger student.  You are not giving up.  You are learning control and focus.  Something you’ve struggled with so much in the past years.  Your teachers gave me lots of positive feedback when I met with them 2 weeks ago.  They say you are attentive and actively participate in class.  They do not see a major problem with lack of focus, nor with distractions to yourself and others (such as talking out of turn).  This is a major stride for you.  Be proud.  Own it. 

At home you are starting to help out more without me having to beg, proud or guilt.  I appreciate it so much.  I know there are things you don’t want to do but you do it because you know it helps me.  Now that I’m working again and daddy’s working 2 job it’s great to have a helping hand.  Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

You are a wonderful older brother too.  Yes, there are times you are not so nice, when you push your younger sister’s buttons or hurt her feelings.  But, those are part of being a sibling and I know that.  On Saturday mornings, I can hear you two laughing together as you play or watch television.  You can make her laugh when she’s crying by being dramatically funny.  Her tears forgotten and belly laughs ensue.  That is a special gift you have, use it wisely.

Tears are in my eyes as I write this because you will always be my baby boy.  You were such a happy confident baby and toddler.  You started to struggle as your hearing difficulties became more obvious.  I know there are times you’ve used it as a crutch or a reason to give up.  I know that it was hard for you when you started wearing glasses, then bifocals and then a month later a hearing aid.  I know you struggled with your self image and how others perceived you.  I think getting the two hearing aids over this past summer and having the time to become comfortable with them outside of school has really helped.  I believe having a wonderful one on one summer school teacher that believed in you did amazing things for your self confidence.  He helped you see what we have known is there.  I will be forever grateful to him.

Honestly, I feared the day would never come when you would actively choose to read a book quietly on your own.  There was a short time last year but it was with easier, shorter books. Once those books were done, you’re interest in reading quickly faded.  You actually told me today that there were 2 books that you were looking forward to reading.   Two books that we not “Big Nate’ books.  Though I have to say, those are the books that started it this year for you.  I am so glad you asked your friend to borrow it because you’ve been immersed in them for the last few weeks.  Now you’ve found a school library book and a classroom book that you are excited to read.  I couldn’t be happier.  Reading should bring joy.  It should offer up new worlds for you to dive into and explore.  I hope it is something that you will continue to enjoy with pleasure for years to come.

Looking at you asleep tonight, I see all my hopes and dreams of a bright future for you.  I want you to be strong.  Positive. Proud. A Leader.  A Believer.  A Fighter that goes after what he wants and lets nothing stand in his way, especially himself.

I love you.  I’m proud of you.  I always am.  I always will be.  I am your biggest fan.  Your champion.

Love you from here to Eternity and back,

Mom

Thankful Friday

It's that time of the week again...T.G.I.F.!!

I like to take this time to look back at the week.  Even if it's been a bad week there's always things to be grateful for and I take this time to reflect.

1.  I have a job!  It may be only part time and not pay much but it's honest work.  It's a start.

2.  I had a wonderful time spending the holiday weekend with my family and visiting my brother in Buffalo.

3.  I had some awesome Buffalo food and I can't wait to go back for more!

4.  It didn't rain for a week here.  The first time since before Hurricane Irene at the end of August.  It's been
     sprinkling the last few days but no flood warnings.  I am very thankful for this.

5.  Co-workers that I like.  It's been 3 weeks and no drama so far.  I love it.  I don't think I've ever worked
     at a job that didn't have quite a bit of drama.  The women I work with are nice, fun and entertaining.  One
     is a little "crazy" but that's OK.  There's always one in the bunch!

6.  I'm starting to carve out blogging time.  I come home from work, relax for a bit and then have an hour or
     so to write before I'm off to get the kids from school.

7.  My son has found a book series he enjoys reading.  He just got one from the library on Tuesday and is
     over half way done with it.  I let him stay up a little later last night because he was quietly reading in his
     room.  I'm so excited!

8.  My son did well on his vocabulary and spelling tests he took Tuesday.  Awesome news since we had little
     time to study while we were gone.  We totally forgot about the spelling test and he only got one wrong.

9.  Great email from son's teacher.  His talking is minimal to nonexistent so we are going to hold off on
     putting a reward system in place.  He's doing so much better over all this year.  His academics are good
     and his distracting behavior (talking/focus) is almost nil.  I couldn't be prouder or happier.  He's right
     where he needs to be.

What do you have to be thankful for this week?

Must Haves When Traveling With Children

We just came back from a weekend away.  I realized I have many expected and unexpected responsibilities during a long drive.

Here are just a few hats I wear:

*  Direction giver/GPS checker
     - I never leave my husband in charge of directions because his mind wanders.  If I'm driving he's usually
       fast asleep instead of paying attention to where we need to be going. 

*  Keeper of the snacks
     -water bottles, pretzels, fruit, crackers, granola bars and a few sweets.  Very important to keep up
       every one's energy when traveling.  A hungry adult/child is a crabby and whiny one.

*  Argument settler
     -Self explanatory for any parent.  I lost track of the amount of times I said things like...stop doing that,
       keep your hands to yourself, use your indoor voice, leave his/her stuff alone it's not yours, stop fighting
       and the list goes on and on and on.

*  Game coordinator
     -My kids like to play games in the car.  It keeps them engaged and that makes mommy happy.  A
       few games we like to play are:  searching for different state license plates, 20 questions and I-Spy.

*  Entertainment Bag
    -I make sure both my kids pack a small bag to bring into the car that is separate from their luggage.  This
     bag contains things that will keep them occupied.  It is a life saver because no matter how well you plan
     the kids will get bored.  They pack activity books, coloring books, crayons, a book/magazine to read,
     their DS and small toys.  My daughter likes to pack a few Barbies (hope this stage is over quick) and a
     stuffed animal.  If it's small and will keep them entertained for a while I will let them pack it.  The only
     exception is really tiny toys like Squinkies which are easily lost and nearly impossible to find.
    
*  Music Controller
     -Everyone has different tastes in music.  Right now my kids don't have i-pods so we have to compromise
      on music choices.  My kids like popular "Top 40" type of music, my son and husband like Country.  My
      responsibility is to make sure everyone gets a chance to listen to what they like.  Sometimes we've run
      through the Cd's and the radio stations are full of static.  In my world that can be pure hell.  So, I always
      try to keep the radio on until we get to a point where we can't find a good station to listen to and then I
      I put the Cd's on.

*  Movie director
     -If we're borrowing my dad's van I am in charge of the movies being played on the DVD player.  It's hard
       to get the kids to agree.  I have a boy and girl so it can be a struggle.  My son likes sport based movies
       and my daughter likes girly movies and cartoons.  Depending on how long we're going to be
       in the van I have them choose 3-5 movies and I am the enforcer of compromise.

*  Rest Stop Coordinator
   -This goes along with direction giver/GPS checker.  My job is to plan out stops to use the bathroom and
     stretch.  This is very important.  Kids need to run around after being in the car for a few hours and they
     have a harder time waiting to use the bathroom.  Adults just need to stretch so their backs don't freeze
     up.  I have a bad back/neck/shoulder so this is very important.  I wasn't able to plan in enough stops
     on the way back from our last trip (because we started home late) and my body screamed at me for days
     after.  So, always plan stops in your travels.  Your body will thank you later.

And finally....

*  Climate Control
     -This is very important!  No one's body has the same temperature thermostat.  It's a very fine line to walk
      especially if it's extremely cold or hot outside.  Again, a lot of compromise comes with this responsibility.
      I make sure the kids bring a sweater or jacket to keep them warm in case the car is too cold for them.

Oh, and another must is pillows or pillow pets. Kids get tired during car rides and there's nothing worse than trying to find a comfortable place to put your head while you close your eyes.  I always make sure they bring pillows with them into the car.

Do you have any responsibilities when your family is traveling?  How do you keep things running smoothly?  Do you have any go to's to keep your kids from getting bored and cranky?  I'd love to hear them!

Family Weekend Away

For the Columbus Day weekend we went on to visit my brother in Buffalo. 

Being originally from the Western New York area, I am an avid hockey fan and love the Buffalo Sabres.  We spent part of Saturday at First Niagara Center.  The Sabres were actually playing overseas in Germany. The team broadcast the game on the jumbo tron at the Center.  My son was so excited to be able to see a game there, even if it wasn't live.  I'm hoping we can get him to an actual game sometime this season.

Being a goalie, my son loves this work of art.

Buffalo Sabres fans truly do live hockey.  We definitely do in our household.



The kids enjoyed meeting the Sabres mascot, Sabretooth. 



We walked around the Buffalo Waterfront enjoying a beautiful 80 degree fall day.



Sunday the girls spent the afternoon at The Great Pumpkin Patch in Clarence, NY while the guys watched football.

The petting farm was a huge hit!

Amazing pumpkin carving!

Another piece of pumpkin art!

Wow, over 1,600 lbs of pumpkin!

View from the car ride home.

Windmills in the fields.  My kids found them mesmerizing.

The weekend flew by way too quick. We tried to do as much as we could in a 48 hour period.  Late Friday night we feasted on traditional Friday Fish Fry and chicken finger subs.  Saturday morning included a trip to a local Tim Hortons for delicious coffee and bagels.  How I miss Timmy's!!!  Saturday night we had pizza and wings.  I always associate Buffalo with a variety of amazing food choices.  We weren't able to hit every place so I have a to do food list for next visit...Ted's Hot dogs, Mighty Taco and Beef on Weck (hold the weck) just to name a few.  I did pick up some sponge candy and I have it stashed away until I have a major sugar craving.  I may share it if the kids ask nicely.

It was wonderful spending time with my family and seeing my brother.  It was tough spending the first night at my brother's place because he has a one bedroom apartment.  We stretched out on air mattresses which screwed up my neck and back.  The hotel we stayed at was good but it was hard having 5 people in a room with only a king bed and pull out couch.  Little Bee shared the bed with hubby and I.  She's a bed hog so I didn't sleep too well.  I was ecstatic to come home and sleep in my own bed Monday night.

I'm sad it was over so quickly.  I'm looking forward to another visit soon!!

Back to Work Mom

Sorry I haven't been around much the last few weeks.  There have been changes happening in my life .  I've struggled to find the time and energy to blog because I've been so tired mentally and physically.  Thank you everyone for hanging around waiting for me to come back. 

As many of you know I have been out of work for the past two years.  Last week I finally found a part time job.  It has been difficult getting back into the routine of being a working mom.  I'm still trying to find the delicate balance between work and home.  It's not easy but I'm getting there.

Whether you're a "working" mom or "stay at home mom" it's all the same as you work 24/7 7 days a week 365 days a year.  It's never ending being responsible for your family and household.

For me personally it was easier being a stay at home mom. Maybe it's because that's where I prefer to be.  And trust me when I say that wasn't easy by any means.  It was just easier because I could rearrange scheduling to accommodating the last minute changes.  I also was able to find more time to cook, bake and sneak in a few minutes of me time before the kids came home from school.  As a working mom I have to have more of a set routine and stick to it.  When I fall out of the schedule things start to unravel a bit.
Having both kids in school full time now definitely makes life easier.  It was a lot harder 2 years ago when I was working full time with only 1 child in school. I don't know how I did it all.  Looking back I feel like I must have been super woman.  I'm tired all the time now, how did I do it then when I know I was even more exhausted?!  I guess sheer will power.

Right now I'm just glad to have a job. I've been without one for 2 years now due to an on the job work injury.  Last December the company that I had worked for (for 7 years) terminated my employment.   It's been a very difficult job hunt.  I have physical limitations due to my injury, plus I really needed a day job while the kids are in school. Combine those two and finding a compatible job is nearly impossible. 

At this point the job is only part time but at least it accommodates the hours I need.  I'm hoping and praying something full time opens up.

Its not my dream job and it doesn't pay much but I'm working and I have a foot in the door.  That's all I can ask in this economy. 

Unfortunately, I think I'm doing more than I should be physically, even though it doesn't sound like much.  I'm standing on my feet for 4 hours with little walking.  I'm also reaching above my head and doing repetitive motions.  I'm not supposed to be doing any of that.  I'm telling myself it's alright because the reaching isn't constant and the motions are tolerable.  At this point I don't have much of a choice.  Worker's compensation requires me to look for full time work.  At least with part time work I'm showing that I'm trying.  Also, the little bit of unemployment I had is down to almost nothing.  So, I will continue looking and forge forward.  It's the best thing I can do for my family.

I'm teaching my children that it is good to work hard no matter what the job or the pay.  The best thing is that I like the job and the people.  That's a bonus in my eyes.  I do find myself enjoying being out of the house and doing something productive.

Wish me luck on this new journey in my life!

Mexican Slow Cooker Soup

This is my go to soup from fall to springtime.  My whole family loves it and it's easy to make extra and freeze some for later.  It's not too spicy and very versatile.

Ingredients:

1 lb of Chicken Breasts

1 (10 ounce) can of enchilada sauce

1 (14.4 ounce) can diced or pureed tomatoes

1 (15.5 ounce) black beans drained and rinsed

1 medium onion chopped

2 minced garlic cloves

1 (4 ounce) can chopped green chile peppers

1 (14.5 ounce) can of chicken broth

2 cups of water (can use chicken broth/stock instead)

1 teaspoon cumin

1 teaspoon chili powder

1 teaspoon salt

1/4 teaspoon pepper


Directions:

1.  Place chicken, enchilada sauce, tomatoes, black beans, green chiles, garlic and onion in slow cooker.  You may saute onion and garlic before placing it in pot.

2.  Pour in water and chicken broth, and season with cumin, chili powder, salt and pepper.

3.  Cover and cook on low for 6 to 8 hours. 

4.  2 hours before serving take chicken out of pot and shred with two forks.

Versitility:

*** Frozen chicken breasts can be used in place of fresh chicken.  I do this all the time.  Shredded, cooked chicken can be used too.

*** 1 (10 ounce) bag of frozen corn can be added to the slow cooker with everything else.  My son doesn't like corn so I skip this part. 

*** Bulk it up with a cup or two of cooked rice stirred in at the end.

*** Topping options:
                     Sour cream
                     Fresh chopped cilantro
                     Sliced avocado
                     Shredded Mexican cheese
                     Sliced green onions
                     Tortilla chips

Chocolate Applesauce Cake

I found this recipe on on the Fix-It and Forget-It Facebook page.  I just had to try it because it I liked the thought of a cake that didn't need to be frosted.  Plus who can resist yummy cake with applesauce and topped with chocolate chips.

This recipe is easy to make even if you have limited baking skills.  Also, the ingredients are things you probably already have in your kitchen.

This was a huge hit with my whole family from my husband to my 9 year old son and 7 year old daughter.  I made it yesterday and it's almost gone.  You must try this cake!  Simply delish!!

Recipe:

Makes 20-24 servings
Prep Time: 20 minutes
Cooking/Baking Time: 40 minutes

Ingredients:

1½ cups sugar
½ cup oil
2 eggs
2 cups applesauce
2 cups flour
1½ tsp. baking soda
½ tsp. cinnamon
2 Tbsp. cocoa

Topping:

3 Tbsp. sugar
1 cup chocolate chips
½ cup chopped nuts, optional


1. In a medium mixing bowl, combine 1½ cups sugar, oil, eggs, and applesauce. Mix well.

2. Add flour, baking soda, cinnamon, and cocoa. Stir to mix.

3. Pour batter into greased 9 x 13 pan.

4. Mix 3 Tbsp. sugar, chocolate chips and optional nuts. Sprinkle mixture over batter.

5. Bake at 350° for 40 minutes or until toothpick inserted in cake comes out clean.
 
*** This time I used store bought chunky applesauce.  However,  I'm going to make some crock pot applesauce and using it in this cake.  I'm also planning on stirring a half cup of chocolate chips into the batter and adding a handful of shredded coconut to the topping.  I have a feeling it's gong to be simply divine!

Perfect Cool Fall Day

It’s finally Friday!  Woohoo!  It’s a perfect crisp fall day in the mid 50’s.  The overnight low was 38 degrees.  Holy cow!  I like it a bit warmer (70’s) but I’m not complaining!

I’ve been looking forward to the weather cooling off.  Thank you Mother Nature.  I’m done with the heat and humidity.  I’m also done with the rain.  I pray it stays away.  The ground is so oversaturated that there is flooding whenever it rains.  In the past, flooding has been rare here but not since Irene hit three weeks ago.
I’m celebrating today by wearing my favorite jeans and pullover with sandals.  Perfect combo.  I’m still not quite ready for socks and shoes but I’ll get there soon if the temperatures stay this low.

Another way I celebrated the return of cool weather was a nice hot breakfast for the kids.  Sunnyside up eggs, whole wheat toast and two pieces of bacon.  They were in heaven!  Perfect way to start a Fall Friday.  I, on the other hand, was naughty for breakfast.  After taking the kids to school I popped a chocolate chip waffle into the toaster and then spread peanut butter and  Nutella over it.  Add a banana on the side.  Perfect to die for breakfast!

Now I’m in the mood to decorate for fall.  I have to get up into our attic and see what I can pull out to create that perfect cozy, Fall feeling.  I’m so excited.



Tonight will be the perfect evening to have a fire and roast marshmallows.  I’m looking forward to it.  First though, I have to buy the boy a new coat since he is growing faster than I can clothe him.  He’s not going to be happy with me one bit.  I made him wear the only light jacket he fits and he doesn’t like it or the fact I wouldn’t allow him to walk to school with just a short sleeve shirt.   I’m such a mean mom.

I’m excited to hear the rustling of leaves, feel the cool breezes and go for long strolls. 



Fall is full of traditions in our house.   Apple and pumpkin picking are a must.  We love to wander around the fields choosing from the different varieties and picking the perfect apples. I do lots of baking…apple and pumpkin pie, apple crisp, apple dumplings, baked apples, apple sauce and so much more.  We go to the local farm every year.  We go on hayrides, drink apple cider, eat apple cider donuts and caramel apples, run through hay mazes and more.  Fall is the perfect time to just immerse yourself into your family.  It’s not too hot or too cold.  It’s perfect.

Oh Fall, how I’ve missed you.  You're my favorite season of all.  Welcome back!

Happy Fantabulous Friday everyone!  Is it starting to feel like Fall where you live?  How do you celebrate Fall?

Just Because-Wordless Wednesday

From my husband....just because.

Standing on Shaky Ground

The last few weeks have been rough.  I'm going through something I went through last summer and a bit at the beginning of last summer.  And now it's back.  It sucks.

A few weeks ago I took my son out shopping for school.  We didn't get further than Taco Bell for lunch.  We were chatting, having a good time.  We ordered our food.  We sat down.  I could feel the sun shinning through the window and the heat from it pierce me.  I started to feel off.  So I suggested to my son that we move because the sun was making mommy feel sick.  Sat down at another table that was not so sunny.  Same thing.  I could feel the heat surrounding me and darkness edging in.  I was terrified I was going to blackout right there. 

I gently explained to my son how I was feeling and he understood immediately.  He was there last summer when I had to have my husband drive me from the mall to urgent care.  Neither of us wanted a repeat.  I slowly made my way up to the counter and asked for a to go bag.  We put everything inside and left to head back home.  Being in the air conditioned van helped a lot.  I brought my son to my parent's house and I laid up in the air conditioning most of the afternoon.  I felt useless, helpless.

Rewind to last summer.  I spent an hour outside at Lowe's with my girlfriend pursuing the gardening area.  It was a hot, humid and sunny.  I felt ok.  I left to drive home because my kids would be getting out of school within the hour.  I went to start my van and was suddenly overcome by dizziness.  I blasted the air conditioning and tried to shake it off.  Within minutes I realized I couldn't keep driving.  I thought I was going to pass out. I felt weak and my hands were shaking.  I pulled into a parking lot and reclined my seat back. I thought resting in the cold air would help.  I was wrong.  I could feel the blackness heavy, all around me.  I decided to go into the Taco Bell (not the same one) and get a drink.  My dad's diabetic so I was thinking I was either dehydrated or having a some kind of problem with my sugar.  All I remember is darkness speckled with white spots .  I had never been so afraid.  I ordered a coke and sat down. 

It just kept getting worse and worse.  Like a drunk, I bobbed and weaved to the counter.  I thought for sure I'd end up on the floor.  I told the cashier what was wrong and asked her to call an ambulance.  Now I was also mortified.  Go figure.  Even surrounded by fear and uncertainty I didn't want to cause a "scene".  Life is funny, isn't it?

The paramedics came, took my vitals, asked me questions and took me out on a gurney.  Definitely not a stellar moment.  My mind was swirling with the fact my kids were in school and I had to be there to get them.  In the hospital corridor I called my husband and dad.  My husband dropped everything to meet me and my dad picked up my kids.  Thank God for that.  I'm glad it didn't play out differently.

I remember being thirsty and asking for water. The nurse said she'd be right back.  She never returned. I wanted to cry. When I stopped another nurse 15 minutes later she told me I couldn't have anything until my test results came back.  I was hooked to an IV. They did an EKG.  I remember it feeling like forever.  The hospital told me they thought it was vertigo and to do a follow up with my doctor. 

My doctor said definitely wasn't vertigo.  His diagnosis was dehydration and possibly a sudden drop in blood pressure.  He told me to drink lots of water and Gatorade and to avoid going outside on hot, humid days.  I tried my best but I had three more episodes that summer and an urgent care visit.  I discussed it during a comp visit with my doctor's PA she said it could be hypoglycemia .  She told me to eat more frequent, smaller meals with lots of protein.

Once summer was over I felt "normal" again".  I had a few issues at the beginning of June this year but I was able to keep it together.  Now it's back. 

Last week I had a job interview and the room was hot and without air conditioning.  I felt light headed and weak but made it through.  I kept praying I wouldn't face plant on the floor.

The next day (Saturday) I took my daughter shoe shopping.  I felt a little off but was determined to make it through.  We successfully purchased shoes but when we went out to lunch I felt it really coming on.  Within minutes of placing our order I had to request it to go.  I tell you, the people at Cracker Barrel were extremely understanding and helpful.  I'm so grateful.

I haven't felt 100% normal since that day and I'm worried.  My husband had yesterday off and took me to Longhorn's for lunch.  Within moments I felt that warm, dark sensation again.  I think the bright lights over each table brought it on.  We had to leave before we even ordered.  I felt like I was going to pass out at school pickup and had to leave my husband there to collect my daughter, as my son had already come out. I spent the next hour on the couch.

Today is the same.  I feel tired.  I keep drinking water in case it is dehydration but that just makes me use the bathroom every 20-30 minutes.  I've made sure I'm eating right.  Plenty of food and  lots of protein.  My fear is diabetes but I had some required blood work done for our medical insurnce renewal and it shows all my numbers showing in the acceptable range.  That was at the end of June after I had a minor issue at school pickup.  I'm totally at a loss.

I can't live my life this way.  It's scary and frustrating.  I feel helpless.  I hate it!  I feel like my life is being stolen away.  The job I applied for is a kitchen job in one of the area schools.  At this point I don't feel comfortable taking the job.  It's mine from what she told me.  We're just waiting for my drug test and background check to come through.  It should be in any day now.  I don't know what to do.  Do I take it and chance blacking out while working?   My friend works for the company and helped me get an interview.  I don't want her to be upset if I end up saying no to the job.  It's the ideal job (except for the pay).  I would just need my parents to help me for an hour in the morning so it's doable.  It's minimum wage which sucks but it's a start.  A foot in the door.

I'm so lost, I don't know what to do.  I don't know what the right answer is.  I pray to feel better in the next day or so and maybe I won't have to worry about all theses things for a while longer. 

Have you ever felt this way or known anyone who has?  I feel so alone in this.  It's frustrating not knowing what's going on, what brings it on or what I can do to prevent/control it.  Hopefully answers will come my way soon.

9/11 We Will Always Remember-10 Years Later

I sit here with my personal reflections of that tragic day in U.S. history.  My heart races, my eyes fill with tears and I feel hollow from all the senseless, tragic loss. 

My children are now at the age they are asking questions about 9/11.  It is a difficult discussion for me to have with them. 

How do you explain hatred?  Senseless tragedy and death?

I explained it to them as openly and honestly as I could.  I don't want them to be scared of terrorism.  I don't want them to fear living in the land of the free.  I want them to know this is truly the land of the brave.

We became a stronger country after what we went through 10 years ago.  We may have our struggles but we will not quit and never give up.  We are fighters and will continue to do so.

I shared some of my memories of that fateful day.  I will share them with you.

I was living in Lyndhurst, NJ at the time.  Thirteen miles from the World Trade Centers.

I was at work in Paramus that fateful morning.  I still remember being told the news.  We all stood around in shocked silence.  We listened to the radio and heard when the second tower was hit.  We heard about the towers falling.  Then the plane crashed in a Pennsylvania field.  We were told to go home. Many of my co-workers had friends and family that worked or lived near the Trade Centers.

I couldn't leave fast enough.

My husband (fiancee at the time) and I had just moved to the area from Western New York four months prior.  We were strangers in a strange land.  We knew no one.  We were still getting familiar with the area.  I tried to reach him on the phone but all the lines were busy...land and cell.

I remember driving down a normally jam packed route 17 and it was deserted.  No cars in sight.  It was eerie and I was scared.  In my 27 years I had never been so terrified.  I wondered what was going to happen next.

In the distance I could see the dark, black smoke billowing up from the city skyline.  It was horrifying.  I drove with tears streaming down my face.  I was shaking.  I felt lost and uncertain.

I made it home in record time and walked like a zombie into our first floor apartment in a two story house.  I locked the door,  grabbed the home phone and turned on the television.  I alternated trying to reach my husband's cell, his work phone and my mom.   I used both phones.  Nothing.  Just a constant busy signal mocking me and my fears.  I took turns pacing the floor and rocking myself on the couch.  I felt exposed and so alone.

A plane screamed overhead.  I shuttered and thought a bomb was going to drop.The whole house shook. Later, I realized it must have been a military plane heading into the city.

When I was finally able to reach my mom on the phone we cried together.  She had been in a panic thinking we had been in the city that day.  About once a week we were traveling into the city for job interviews for my husband.  I am so grateful that this was not the case that day.

My husbands boss wouldn't let his employees leave.  I still shake my head in amazement of his callousness.  That was a day to be near your loved ones and hold them tightly.  When he finally walked in the door I threw myself into his arms sobbing, so relieved to have him home with me.

My heart was (and is still) broken for everyone who lost loved ones that day.  Hatred is a scary beast.  I pray that one day peace can reign in our world. I fear it's just a dream out of reach in reality.

However, as I share my memories of that tragic day with my children I am determined to pass on hope for a better tomorrow.  I remind them that we our strong.  I tell them how much I love and cherish them.  I hold them tightly glad that we have one another.

Finally Friday!

I'm so thankful it's FINALLY FRIDAY!!!  Here's some of the things I'm thankful for this week:

• It's Friday!  First school week was a bit rocky with a day off on Thursday due to flooding but we're back on track.
• Flooding has ceased and desisted for now.
• Goalieboy and Little Bee enjoyed there first day of school.
• Little Bee did have friends in her class (not her bffs but that's ok).  I was having anxiety over it.
• I finally got a check for the back money owed to me from worker's comp.  We really need it.
• Our television is finally back on after it's been shut off for 3 weeks.  We were so far behind because we're broke.
• I finished all the laundry!  Back at it on Sunday.
• I had a job interview!!!  It's only minimum wage but it's a job and the hours fit with the kids school schedule for the most part.
• Crockpot Mexican Chicken Soup was a huge hit earlier this week for the whole family (a first).  Can't wait to make it again.
• Cooler temperatures this week reminds me that fall is on its way.  I'll be happy with 68-75 degrees.
• And as always, I'm so thankful to be surrounded by my loving family who drive me crazy!  I don't know what I would do without them.

Now the weather has to cooperate so there's no more rain and flooding.  We used a "snow" day on Thursday.  A first here.  They really need to start calling them "weather" days.  Little Bee really wants to play soccer but has only attended one practice due to the flooding.  Practice Wednesday was cancelled as is this weekends game due to poor field conditions.  She has barely begun learning and is eager for more.

Praying I get the job.  My only stumbling block right now is my van.  It went ca put last weekend.  Well, technically it's still drivable.  However, reverse went so it's not reliable at all.  I can only go somewhere I can pull straight in and out of.  I fear for winter because right now I can pull right into a spot on my street but that won't be the case when it snows.  I'm in trouble.  Plus, if I get the job I know I'm going to have a lot of parking issues.  It's stressing me out but I'm going to take it one step at a time. 

Wish me luck!  Why are you thankful it's finally Friday?

Parents Choose Your Friends Carefully

This public service announcement goes out to all moms and dads.  I'll direct it more to those with younger non-school age children.  If you're kids are in school then you probably know all about this:

Drama Mamas/Ghetto Freaks/Attention Whores/Know It Alls

Seriously, as an adult you know there are all types of people in the world.  But as a parent they are sometimes hard to avoid.  Also, they wear masks.  They draw you in with their appropriate parental prattle but watch out they're not who they seem to be.  It's just a sick game to them. 

Pay attention and be leery.  Not on the outside but on the inside.  For me, I had on rose colored glasses.  I should smack myself upside the head.  I've worked in retail management.  I've seen these types of parents.  I guess I just never associated them with parents I would be meeting when my kids started going to school. 

Preschool seemed normal.  I was also working full time so maybe I just got lucky and gravitated towards "normal" parents. *snicker*  No parent is normal.  Come on now, be honest with yourself.  We are not normal.  We're just more normal than others.  I guess I thought that elelmentary school would be the same but dang was I wrong!

Brace yourself.  I didn't realize how bad it really was.  To be honest, in the scheme of things it's not that bad but there are more out there than you think.  And as I said, they wear masks.  Each school has different types and some are more obvious than others.

I learned the hard way.  The summer my oldest went into first grade we moved closer to the school and he became a walker.  I was working less so I was able to become more involved.  Overall, it was a fantastic thing.  We had more time in the morning and after school together, no waiting out in inclement weather for the bus and I met some great parents at pickup.  The downfall, I got suckered by a few of said parents.

That year I made some mommy friends.  Some worked, some stayed home, some had a child with special needs and many were involved in the school.  We would hang out at the school playground chatting, have playdates at the park.  I got closer with a few and we hung out.  Seemed perfect.  But I was wrong.

Some of those so called friends were not what they presented themselves to be.  They were back stabbers, troublemakers and full of drama (a.k.a. drama mamas).  I had a real bad experience right before the end of school that year.  I learned the hard way.  The signals were there but I ignored them.  I won't ever do that again.

Know the saying, "Treat others the way you want to be treated"?  Well, observe those you want to be friends with.  How do they treat others?  Not just you.  Are they catty?  Do they whine and complain?  Do they harass the school, teachers, other parents?  Are they judgemental?  Do they bully others? Are they always building themselves up to look good?  If you answered yes to any of these be on alert.  I would say turn and run but sometimes that's not always the best idea either.  If you run, you could be the one at the other end of the drama.  My advice, be friendly without being too friendly.  Limit your socializing to school things and not outside of school

I got to "overhear" one drama queen yelling at another through the school fence.  I'm so glad both women's children were already in school at the time.  All I could hear was them calling each other names and going at it verbally.  Though they kept taunting each other to "bring it" like they were going to actuallly kick the others ass.  A bunch of hair pulling trash in my opinion.  I hate to pass judgement but when you are in your kids school yard talking trash then that's what you are.  Do you not have any self control?  No self esteem?  Please!  Pull it together.  Parents are supposed to be role models for their children.  There are children, teachers, parents and yes police around you.  Grow the heck up and act like a mature adult.  Don't talk your ghetto talk around innocent bystanders. Go beat eachother up where we can't see you.  You are a poor example to your children for even talking and acting like that (public place or not).

So, if you are ever suckered in by these types of parents walk away.  I wish I had paid attention to the signs.  One of those forementioned ghetto trash talking mamas use to be a friend of mine.  But I learned my lesson the hard way.  I'm sharing my advice with you.  Choose your "mommy/daddy" friends carefully.  If not, it could blow up in your face.  Or possibly, hit you there between the eyes.

First Day of School Traditions

Today I sent my kiddos off to their first day of school.  Fourth grade for Goalieboy and Second grade for Little Bee.  Oh how hard it was.  For me that is, not them.  Somehow I made it through.  The ritualistic school morning sibling arguments helped some.  It drove me a little nuts but made it so I didn't get all teary eyed.  The bickering is part of the tradition here. *laughing*

Tradition #1....Backpacks packed up and placed by their bedroom doors.

Tradition #2...New outfits layed out ready to wear.

Tradition #3...Special bedtime story together. Normally we do a first day of school book but this year it was a chapter in Little Bee's Little House on the Praire book.

Tradition #4...Mommy wakes up early and prepares a special hot breakfast for the big day Today it was homemade chocolate chip waffles. I was too tired from lack of sleep to take pictures.

Tradition #5...First day of school pictures and LOTS of them!  I always include certain poses with the backpacks. Indoors and outdoors. The rain spoiled most of the outdoor pictures. *Wahhhh!!! And I forgot to take pictures of the lunchboxes with the backpacks!  Always a tradition.  I'll rectify that oversight later.

I held back tears as we walked to school.  there they are off.  This is always a bitter sweet day for me.  It's hard to let them go.  I wish summer could last forever (but without all the nasty heat and humidity!).

Tradition #6....Didn't happen this year.  The school wouldn't let parents into the building when I arrived.  I've ALWAYS taken a picture of them sitting at their new desk the first day of school.  I love saying "Hi" to their new teachers.  Not this year.  By no rhyme or reason I couldn't go in.  This happened to some of my mom friends last year and I was so upset for them.  This year it happened to me. I found out later that some parents made it in and others didn't.  I want to cry.  The only good that came of it was that I didn't get teary eyed while they were getting settled in, since I couldn't see it. But I'm still hurt and upset at the insensitivity of the school and their lack of communication.  Either parents are allowed or they're not...no picking and chosing.  It's just not right.

And now I wait for the time where I head to school to pick them up.  I know they'll be excited chatterboxes.  What they thought of their teachers, who is in their class, what they did their first day and so much more.  I'm excited to hear it all.

What are your first day of school traditions?

It's Here, Are You Ready

The first day of school is finally upon us.  I spent the whole night getting ready.  My stomach is in knots but I'm we're as prepared as we can be.

1.  Supplies purchased, labeled and placed nicely in backpacks.-Check

2.  Back to school outfits selected and hung out.  Wrinkle free of course. -Check

3.  New shoes ready by the door. -Check

4.  Hairstyle agreed upon for Little Bee. -Check

5.  Showers -Check

6.  Lunches agreed upon and packed. -Check

7.  Story time. -Check

8.  Alarms set-Check

9.  Kiddies tucked into bed with extra kisses, hugs and giggles. -Check, Check, Check

10. Special breakfast planned.-Check
 
11. Mommy re-running through the list. -Check

12. Mommy trying not to get emotional before the first day has started. 

Are you and your kiddies ready for school to start?  Have you started yet?  Good luck to all the new and old students out there.  Good luck to the parents of all.  And definitely, good luck to the teachers!  Some of you may really need it.

Worries for a New School Year

I'm so terribly sad that summer is coming to an end.  Yes, my kids drive me totally insane from the end of June until the beginning of September but I do love having them around.  Crazy as it sounds, it's true. I'm not ready for school to begin.  I'll miss having them around during the day.  I'll miss being able to do what we want, when we want.  However, I know the routine is needed and in it's own way welcomed for us all.  However, for me, every school year brings with it a list of worries and anxieties. 

School starts back Tuesday.  I am filled with sadness, regret and anxiety.  The sadness and regret come from not being able to fill their summer with more fun activities and get aways.  I know in reality they had a great summer without the amusement parks, day trips, long beach filled vacations  but still I feel guilty.  Sigh.  I wish we had money to get away from it all.  We did have a week off and went away for 3 days.  It was amazing and we'll never forget the fun we had.

My husband's work hours don't allow for much(2 jobs, one salaried management position) plus I'm still unemployed.  It hurts though.  I remember being young and not being able to go all the fun places my classmates went because we didn't have money.  Thing is, I know I still had a fun filled summer just that most of it was spent in our backyard.  Someday soon I hope we can splurge on our kids.  We've never taken a vacation longer than 4 or 5 days.  We've never been on a cruise or out of the country together.  But, we get by and have our own fun close to home. I have to focus on that.  Right now the most important thing is that we have a roof over our heads, food in our bellies and each other.

This year I had a very limited back to school budget.  I'm very lucky that my friends with older girls have passed down a lot of cute clothes for my daughter.  That has helped a bunch.  I only bought her 2 new shirts, a pair of gym pants, socks, sneakers and dressy boots.  My son is growing like a weed so I am slowly rebuilding his wardrobe.  Nothing from last year fits him except a few shirts and his shorts.  Over the last month I've purchased 3 pairs of jeans, 5 shirts, socks, 3 gym pants, 2 gym shorts and a pair of sneakers.  I need to still get him another pair of shoes(he's 9 and already in a size 6!!)  and a fall coat.

As far as school supplies go, I had a surplus from years past.  Plus, our community has a really nice back to school event where they give out free backpacks filled with various supplies.  I didn't have to pick up too much at our local Walmart/Target. 

I'm dreading this new year.  Goalieboy is starting 4th grade.  I'm praying this year goes smoothly for him.  He is filled constantly with anxiety and I don't want it to grow as the year goes on.  I have to call our insurance company and see what's covered for therapy.  I'm scared to find out, as we have a deductible plan.  I'm praying therapists are different and there's a co-pay involved.  He really needs someone to talk to.  He has trouble falling asleep most nights.  It breaks my heart when he begs for one of us to lay down with him until he falls asleep.  He's always worrying about fire, burglary and such.  As the start of school grows closer his anxieties heighten.  I don't want him to worry about those things.  Prepared, yes but worried to the point of anxiety, no.  A lot hinges on this new year and how things flow.  I hope his teachers work with him and understand him.  I hope his classmates are not mean and judgemental.  I know in the back of his mind he is worried about being teased about his hearing aids.  My heart breaks.  Kids should not have to worry about these things.  Why are some kids so cruel to others?

Finally, I find that I am overly anxious for the beginning of a new year.  I am live with anxiety that my children may have problems this year with friends and academics.  These are fears I lived with as a child and I feel them build inside me again but for them this time. 

As I said, my son has struggled in years past.  Last year wasn't the best.  I'm still in amazement that his teacher called me the second to last week of school to tell me a para caught him racing through his morning work to avoid having to complete it during lunch.  He failed the work.  She had him redo it.  Guess what...he then aced it.  Hmmmm....wonder why.  I truly believe this was a big issue most of the year.  I believe he was doing this most of the school year.  Either, no one paid attention to it or no one cared enough to wonder why it was happening.  Consistently he was coming home with roller coaster grades.  If a child is participating in class, seems to have a handle on the material and then (nearly) fails the worksheets/tests do you think there could be a problem you're overlooking?!  Yep and the end of the year is too late to address and rectify the issue.  I'm still ticked.  I believe a good teacher would see the signs and try to find out what's going on.  But, hey, I could be wrong.  I'm not a teacher after all.  I'm still upset though.

My final worry....I have been searching high and low since the teacher letters were sent home 2 weeks ago for anyone in my daughter's second grade class.  Scouring high and low.  Facebooking, texting and calling friends.  No luck.  So far I have yet to find one child in her class.  Friend, acquaintance or even someone she doesn't know.  How can it be that most of her friends have one teacher, a few another and not one has her teacher.  I'm heartbroken for her.  Probably because I had such a hard time making friends.  She's not like me so I'm forever grateful but I feel panic for her.  Not one of her girlfriends are in her class.  How can that be?!  I've check with over a dozen parents.  I'm holding my breath because I know (praying, begging and pleading) there will be friends she loves in the class I just don't have their contact information.  Plus, she's good at making new friends.  It just sucks that they kept most of her closest friends together without her.  It's funny because I know this is sometimes done if kids are a distraction to themselves and others.  However, she's not like that. My girl is definitely a talker (like her mom and brother) but she's respectful.  All of her teachers have said she has the best manners, follows directions to a T and always willingly helps others.  She is praised for setting a good example.  Sigh.  I know she's going to be fine.  But it sucks.  I feel like she's being punished for being good.

So,there are my crazy, somewhat unfounded worries for the new school year.  I just needed to get them out of my head so I can breath a bit easier.  I'm just praying now the teachers are good and are the right fit for my kids.  I've heard a few stories that worry me a bit but I'm going to not judge ahead of time.  It's hard but I'm going to go in with no preconceived notions. Positive thinking for a positive school year. Nor will I share any of these fears, not a one with my children.

I have worked on pumping them up.  Exciting new classes.  Meeting new friends while reconnecting with old.  New challenges and lots of fun.  Focusing on the positives...for them and myself.

Am I alone in new school year fears?  Please share yours or your child's.  How do you handle them?