Dear Son,
As you sleep tonight I look in on you and am overwhelmed with the love I feel for you. I just had to snuggle with you for a few minutes and whisper my thoughts to you.
I am so proud of who you are. I know sometimes I am hard on you but it’s because I want you to be the best you can be. I want to push you so that you don’t give up on your dreams. I know you have it in you and sometimes you fear failure. I want you to know it’s ok to fail. We learn from our failures and mistakes.
We grow from them and overcome obstacles we never thought we could hurdle over. I think you are starting to understand that nothing worth having comes easy. You have to work hard for what you want and never give up.
You’ve come so far this school year. You are showing what I’ve known has been hidden behind the surface all along. You are learning to believe in yourself. I think you are starting to see what I’ve been telling you all along. I will always be your biggest cheerleader, pushing you on to the finishing line.
I’m watching you grow and mature before my very eyes and the transformation has come about quickly, in just the past 6 weeks.
You amaze me. I hope you amaze yourself. I hope you see, hear and feel my pride. You are becoming a stronger student. You are not giving up. You are learning control and focus. Something you’ve struggled with so much in the past years. Your teachers gave me lots of positive feedback when I met with them 2 weeks ago. They say you are attentive and actively participate in class. They do not see a major problem with lack of focus, nor with distractions to yourself and others (such as talking out of turn). This is a major stride for you. Be proud. Own it.
At home you are starting to help out more without me having to beg, proud or guilt. I appreciate it so much. I know there are things you don’t want to do but you do it because you know it helps me. Now that I’m working again and daddy’s working 2 job it’s great to have a helping hand. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
You are a wonderful older brother too. Yes, there are times you are not so nice, when you push your younger sister’s buttons or hurt her feelings. But, those are part of being a sibling and I know that. On Saturday mornings, I can hear you two laughing together as you play or watch television. You can make her laugh when she’s crying by being dramatically funny. Her tears forgotten and belly laughs ensue. That is a special gift you have, use it wisely.
Tears are in my eyes as I write this because you will always be my baby boy. You were such a happy confident baby and toddler. You started to struggle as your hearing difficulties became more obvious. I know there are times you’ve used it as a crutch or a reason to give up. I know that it was hard for you when you started wearing glasses, then bifocals and then a month later a hearing aid. I know you struggled with your self image and how others perceived you. I think getting the two hearing aids over this past summer and having the time to become comfortable with them outside of school has really helped. I believe having a wonderful one on one summer school teacher that believed in you did amazing things for your self confidence. He helped you see what we have known is there. I will be forever grateful to him.
Honestly, I feared the day would never come when you would actively choose to read a book quietly on your own. There was a short time last year but it was with easier, shorter books. Once those books were done, you’re interest in reading quickly faded. You actually told me today that there were 2 books that you were looking forward to reading. Two books that we not “Big Nate’ books. Though I have to say, those are the books that started it this year for you. I am so glad you asked your friend to borrow it because you’ve been immersed in them for the last few weeks. Now you’ve found a school library book and a classroom book that you are excited to read. I couldn’t be happier. Reading should bring joy. It should offer up new worlds for you to dive into and explore. I hope it is something that you will continue to enjoy with pleasure for years to come.
Looking at you asleep tonight, I see all my hopes and dreams of a bright future for you. I want you to be strong. Positive. Proud. A Leader. A Believer. A Fighter that goes after what he wants and lets nothing stand in his way, especially himself.
I love you. I’m proud of you. I always am. I always will be. I am your biggest fan. Your champion.
Love you from here to Eternity and back,
Mom
Showing posts with label son. Show all posts
Showing posts with label son. Show all posts
Thursday, October 20, 2011
Thursday, June 02, 2011
Please come follow my new blog
I just wanted everyone to know that I started another blog, in addition to this one. I have found I constantly have post ideas running around in my head that pertain specifically to my son and his life as a hearing impaired child. I decided at this point I want to have a blog dedicated just to that. I want to document his journey...his struggles and his triumphs.
For those of you that have been following my blog and/or twitter for awhile you may know some of his back story. I will blog about his past, present and our hopes, dreams and concerns for his future. I hope you will follow along with us.
I want this to be a blog that will highlight everything in his life. I hope it will educate and inspire others. I hope to connect and learn from others out there...whether your child has a hearing impairment or not. I think blogging is a great way to create a community that supports and helps one another.
Will you come join us on this journey?
The site is http://mysonsjourneywithhearingimpairment.blogspot.com/. Please follow along! I look forward to seeing everyone there.
For those of you that have been following my blog and/or twitter for awhile you may know some of his back story. I will blog about his past, present and our hopes, dreams and concerns for his future. I hope you will follow along with us.
I want this to be a blog that will highlight everything in his life. I hope it will educate and inspire others. I hope to connect and learn from others out there...whether your child has a hearing impairment or not. I think blogging is a great way to create a community that supports and helps one another.
Will you come join us on this journey?
The site is http://mysonsjourneywithhearingimpairment.blogspot.com/. Please follow along! I look forward to seeing everyone there.
Saturday, February 19, 2011
Daytime fears bring Nighttime nightmares
Every child has bad dreams from time to time, nightmares we call them. Some are mild and others are strong. Some children have them more frequently and worse than others. The important thing is to speak openly to our child(ren) about them and try to understand what triggers them. With listening and understanding we can make it better, if only for a little while.
By looking at my 8 year old son you would have no idea that he suffers "chronically" from nightmares. He has a strong, stubborn personality. A tough exterior. Maybe the nightmares have made this a coping mechanism. I'm not a psychologist, so I don't know. He is also outgoing and friendly. I'm glad for these characteristics. I worry that the nightmares will turn him into a quiet, sullen child. At this time he saves those mood only for me. It's a blessing and a curse. Especially on mornings after long nights of tossing, turning, moaning and crying. Sometimes he sleeps through the moaning and crying, though it can appear he's awake. Other times he is awake...wide eyed and terrified.
As a toddler he had what is called night terrors. These are very strong dreams where the child screams, cries, shakes uncontrollably. They can be as stiff as a board with their eyes wide open with terror. I never got use to them. Never wake a child from these. I would attempt to carefully guide him back to bed if he was out of it. I would rub his back and whisper to him softly. Eventually, after what seems like hours, he would calm and fall back to sleep. He's slowly grown out of the worst of these. Those seemed to be more like faceless fears, if that makes sense. His nightmares seem cyclic almost. The fears always seem to be simmering under the surface and something will bring them back to the forefront of his mind and it's off and running. In November (thru late January) of 2009 it was the movie "Home Alone" that set them off. He had seen the movie numerous times before with no negative reactions. Seeing it that time though brought everything on. It started when he was afraid to go upstairs. He was sure someone was in his room with a gun. The nights following that we're rough. Crying before bedtime and nights riddled with nightmares from the moment his eyes closed until the wee hours of the morning. Then, they slowly subsided. Before and since then, some of his fears are: someone breaking in, guns, ghosts, monsters (this one I think is resolved) and fire (major house fire in our community on Christmas 2010) to name the main ones. Oddly enough, he is not afraid of the dark. Though sometimes shadows will effect him.
All kids have fear. I realize this. But these constant fears are gripping and squeezing the life out of him. It effects not only how he sleeps but how he functions the next day. So far, his nighttime fears are not obvious to the outside world. By this I mean, he contains it to home. I think it would really effect his mental state more if he had problems while he was in school or socializing with friends. I want to do what's best for him and I don't know what that is. I've read that some people say that you should acknowledge to the child that it's ok to be afraid and determine ways to handle it. That approach makes the most sense to me and it's how I've been proceeding. Others say that parents should be firm that there are no such thing as ghosts and to basically tell the child to suck it up. I just can't do this one. I feel that would just weaken his fragile mental state at this point. Am I wrong? It's so hard to know what the right thing is for a child. Especially since he is not 4 years old. He can vocalize more of his fears but being older makes it harder in many ways. I don't want to provide him with a crutch but I do want him to become strong mentally/emotionally and accept his fears.
One major stumbling block right now is my husband. I feel he doesn't understand that our sons fears are concrete, real to him. I patiently try to talk to Jacob about what is going on in his dreams and to brainstorm ways for him to cope. Realistically, they are not just going to go away because we're willing it away. I do have nights and mornings where I am cranky and do not handle it properly. Those times I deeply regret because I know it's not his fault. My husband does not take the same approach as me and I worry that this could be doing more harm than good to my son. Sometimes he is patient and understanding and I cheer. But most times he just repeatedly tells our son that his dreams are not real, they can't hurt him and he'll then play on the fear. This makes my son cry. I'm sure it makes him very uncomfortable and self conscious. i.e. the other night my son didn't want to go upstairs to get ready for bed because he was afraid of ghosts being up there. We both rationally tried to tell him that it was ok and that his sister was already up in bed. He still refused to go up alone. My husband said he would go up with him. Then said, I'll meet you up there. That, to no surprise, didn't fly. Don't say you'll go up with him and then say you'll meet him. It's not the same. So, hubby went up before him and then right before son got to the stairs there's hubby at the top of the stairs with a dark blanket wrapped around him and a Storm Troopers helmet on. Way to scare the kid more. Sometimes, he'll even call him a sissy or a girl. I guess he thinks it's all in good fun and that it'll toughen our son up. I feel it whittles away self confidence. We've gotten into many disagreements on how to handle this. It saddens me that he is too stubborn to see the potential damage he is causing with his actions.
We've been struggling with this for years now. I don't know what to do. Is it "normal" for 8 year olds to have constant nightmares? I just don't know. I would love to take him to a therapist but our health insurance, like many Americans, is horrible. We have to meet a $3500 individual deductible before they will cover anything. My heart is breaking and I don't know where to turn.
By looking at my 8 year old son you would have no idea that he suffers "chronically" from nightmares. He has a strong, stubborn personality. A tough exterior. Maybe the nightmares have made this a coping mechanism. I'm not a psychologist, so I don't know. He is also outgoing and friendly. I'm glad for these characteristics. I worry that the nightmares will turn him into a quiet, sullen child. At this time he saves those mood only for me. It's a blessing and a curse. Especially on mornings after long nights of tossing, turning, moaning and crying. Sometimes he sleeps through the moaning and crying, though it can appear he's awake. Other times he is awake...wide eyed and terrified.
As a toddler he had what is called night terrors. These are very strong dreams where the child screams, cries, shakes uncontrollably. They can be as stiff as a board with their eyes wide open with terror. I never got use to them. Never wake a child from these. I would attempt to carefully guide him back to bed if he was out of it. I would rub his back and whisper to him softly. Eventually, after what seems like hours, he would calm and fall back to sleep. He's slowly grown out of the worst of these. Those seemed to be more like faceless fears, if that makes sense. His nightmares seem cyclic almost. The fears always seem to be simmering under the surface and something will bring them back to the forefront of his mind and it's off and running. In November (thru late January) of 2009 it was the movie "Home Alone" that set them off. He had seen the movie numerous times before with no negative reactions. Seeing it that time though brought everything on. It started when he was afraid to go upstairs. He was sure someone was in his room with a gun. The nights following that we're rough. Crying before bedtime and nights riddled with nightmares from the moment his eyes closed until the wee hours of the morning. Then, they slowly subsided. Before and since then, some of his fears are: someone breaking in, guns, ghosts, monsters (this one I think is resolved) and fire (major house fire in our community on Christmas 2010) to name the main ones. Oddly enough, he is not afraid of the dark. Though sometimes shadows will effect him.
All kids have fear. I realize this. But these constant fears are gripping and squeezing the life out of him. It effects not only how he sleeps but how he functions the next day. So far, his nighttime fears are not obvious to the outside world. By this I mean, he contains it to home. I think it would really effect his mental state more if he had problems while he was in school or socializing with friends. I want to do what's best for him and I don't know what that is. I've read that some people say that you should acknowledge to the child that it's ok to be afraid and determine ways to handle it. That approach makes the most sense to me and it's how I've been proceeding. Others say that parents should be firm that there are no such thing as ghosts and to basically tell the child to suck it up. I just can't do this one. I feel that would just weaken his fragile mental state at this point. Am I wrong? It's so hard to know what the right thing is for a child. Especially since he is not 4 years old. He can vocalize more of his fears but being older makes it harder in many ways. I don't want to provide him with a crutch but I do want him to become strong mentally/emotionally and accept his fears.
One major stumbling block right now is my husband. I feel he doesn't understand that our sons fears are concrete, real to him. I patiently try to talk to Jacob about what is going on in his dreams and to brainstorm ways for him to cope. Realistically, they are not just going to go away because we're willing it away. I do have nights and mornings where I am cranky and do not handle it properly. Those times I deeply regret because I know it's not his fault. My husband does not take the same approach as me and I worry that this could be doing more harm than good to my son. Sometimes he is patient and understanding and I cheer. But most times he just repeatedly tells our son that his dreams are not real, they can't hurt him and he'll then play on the fear. This makes my son cry. I'm sure it makes him very uncomfortable and self conscious. i.e. the other night my son didn't want to go upstairs to get ready for bed because he was afraid of ghosts being up there. We both rationally tried to tell him that it was ok and that his sister was already up in bed. He still refused to go up alone. My husband said he would go up with him. Then said, I'll meet you up there. That, to no surprise, didn't fly. Don't say you'll go up with him and then say you'll meet him. It's not the same. So, hubby went up before him and then right before son got to the stairs there's hubby at the top of the stairs with a dark blanket wrapped around him and a Storm Troopers helmet on. Way to scare the kid more. Sometimes, he'll even call him a sissy or a girl. I guess he thinks it's all in good fun and that it'll toughen our son up. I feel it whittles away self confidence. We've gotten into many disagreements on how to handle this. It saddens me that he is too stubborn to see the potential damage he is causing with his actions.
We've been struggling with this for years now. I don't know what to do. Is it "normal" for 8 year olds to have constant nightmares? I just don't know. I would love to take him to a therapist but our health insurance, like many Americans, is horrible. We have to meet a $3500 individual deductible before they will cover anything. My heart is breaking and I don't know where to turn.
Sunday, January 02, 2011
My son...the itchy blob
On New Year's Eve my son told me his feet were itchy. He plays hockey so I figured that maybe he got athlete's foot from his sweaty skates. I had him wash his feet with warm, soapy water. It seemed to work and all was fine. Later in the evening he mentioned that his wrist and arm were a bit itchy too. I had him shower. It seemed to help but he was cranky the rest of the night.
The next morning he woke up itching again. So, I told him shower again, in what was supposed to be warm water (told me later he had it on hot...but didn't seem to effect outcome). I couldn't figure out what he was coming in contact with that was making his body react this way. I had him slather lotion all over and I found some athletes foot cream lost in the top of the closet. That seemed to do the trick. The weather's been crazy here...blizzarding one day and temps in the 50's days later. It's killer on skin.
Too bad that it was suddenly obvious at 5:45 that things hadn't truly cleared up. His face was swollen, red and blotchy. A check of his back and neck revealed the same thing. I've had this happen to me before and never pinpointed what caused it because it would clear up before I could see a doctor. I just found out a few years ago I have eczema, so maybe those symptoms were a precursor to it. I'll never know.
Knowing that it was a holiday I decided to call the Urgent Care Centers in the area rather than wasting time driving him to places that were closed. No one answered and only one had a message for callers. It seems they all closed by 3pm. Grrrrr!!! Taking him to the ER wouldn't have been cost effective and we would've been there for hours on end. His symptoms weren't life threatening and I'd honestly prefer to take him to the pediatrician. So, we stayed home.
I wish it would have been as easy as slathering cortisone cream all over him. But, there's no way I could put it over his whole body. So, I turned to my friends. Totally forgot about Benadryl and Oatmeal baths. I should know this since I have eczema. Maybe I forgot because I only use prescription cortisone cream, sparingly. He took the Benadryl last night and it helped curb the urge to scratch, though the blotches didn't clear up all the way.
He looked much better this morning. The blotches are no longer on the surface of his skin but I can see the remnants of it underneath. If that makes sense. So, I gave him more Benadryl and had him take an oatmeal bath. I'll give him more Benadryl before bed. I'm hoping it'll finish clearing it up by morning. If it's not gone I'll be driving him to the doctor after dropping his sister off at school.
He's at hockey now so he'll be taking a warm shower when he gets home and we'll slather moisturizer all over. Praying that morning brings normality! I'm very thankful for my friends for their help!
The next morning he woke up itching again. So, I told him shower again, in what was supposed to be warm water (told me later he had it on hot...but didn't seem to effect outcome). I couldn't figure out what he was coming in contact with that was making his body react this way. I had him slather lotion all over and I found some athletes foot cream lost in the top of the closet. That seemed to do the trick. The weather's been crazy here...blizzarding one day and temps in the 50's days later. It's killer on skin.
Too bad that it was suddenly obvious at 5:45 that things hadn't truly cleared up. His face was swollen, red and blotchy. A check of his back and neck revealed the same thing. I've had this happen to me before and never pinpointed what caused it because it would clear up before I could see a doctor. I just found out a few years ago I have eczema, so maybe those symptoms were a precursor to it. I'll never know.
Knowing that it was a holiday I decided to call the Urgent Care Centers in the area rather than wasting time driving him to places that were closed. No one answered and only one had a message for callers. It seems they all closed by 3pm. Grrrrr!!! Taking him to the ER wouldn't have been cost effective and we would've been there for hours on end. His symptoms weren't life threatening and I'd honestly prefer to take him to the pediatrician. So, we stayed home.
I wish it would have been as easy as slathering cortisone cream all over him. But, there's no way I could put it over his whole body. So, I turned to my friends. Totally forgot about Benadryl and Oatmeal baths. I should know this since I have eczema. Maybe I forgot because I only use prescription cortisone cream, sparingly. He took the Benadryl last night and it helped curb the urge to scratch, though the blotches didn't clear up all the way.
He looked much better this morning. The blotches are no longer on the surface of his skin but I can see the remnants of it underneath. If that makes sense. So, I gave him more Benadryl and had him take an oatmeal bath. I'll give him more Benadryl before bed. I'm hoping it'll finish clearing it up by morning. If it's not gone I'll be driving him to the doctor after dropping his sister off at school.
He's at hockey now so he'll be taking a warm shower when he gets home and we'll slather moisturizer all over. Praying that morning brings normality! I'm very thankful for my friends for their help!
Sunday, December 12, 2010
Awesome Compliment
I just had to share because I'm bursting with pride! My son has been playing hockey for about 2 1/2 years. He started playing goalie about a year and a half ago. He's honestly a natural. No bragging on my part, it's just true. After my son's Mite game on Saturday I had a fellow hockey mom come up to me and ask me about him while we were in the locker room unchanging. She asked how long he'd been playing and I told her. She said she was amazed by him and that he was so talented. She told us that she looks forward to watching him play every week. Is that amazing or what?! I told him that his goal is to be play in the NHL and her reply was...you can tell he wants it by how hard he plays. Wow! I'm so proud of him!
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