Confessions

I have something to confess.  Come closer.  Closer.  Closer, so know one else will hear.
I have a problem and I keep it bottled up inside.  My secret, the last year or so, I've become a compulsive shopper.  No not clothes.  Not shoes.  Nothing so glamorous.  It's the grocery store.

See, a little over a year and a half ago I was injured at work.  I was told to go out on worker's compensation.  In December of last year the company I worked with for the last 7 years let me go.  I'm not physically back at full capacity but they wouldn't take me back at light duty.  It's been really tight money wise in our house.  I'm trying to find work but so far no luck.  My husband's had to take a second job.  My comp case is on hold while the doctors (mine and the insurance company) duke it out.  No money coming in from there, just a bit trickling in from unemployment.

My fear...is running out of food.  I know it sounds a bit crazy but I worry about it in the dark recesses in my brain.  I know it won't happen but the fear is real and it's lurking there.

I'll pursue the grocery store ads looking for deals.  I'm not a super savy shopper and I don't use coupons like I should.  It seems that the coupons in Sunday's paper are for things I don't normally purchase.  So, it seems like they're a waste.  I really need a serious couponer to sit down with me and help me set up a system that works for me and what I buy.

That being said, I'll look through the local ads for the best deals.  I'll stock up on things I know we'll use.  Problem is I'm worrying now that I'm spending more money "stocking up" than I should.  Should I put the money into savings?  Should I use it to take the kids to budget friendly things during the week so they can get away from the house during the summer?  I just don't know.

At this point I have 10 tubes of toothpaste, 6 boxes of waffles, 10 boxes of cereal, tons excess baking supplies (because I love to bake), boxed mixes for quick desserts, boxes of snacks for the kids, boxes of juices boxes.  It's not extrememe excess but still more than I think I should be purchasing on a limited shopping budget.  I have to tamper down the need I feel to buy more.  It's really becoming a problem.  It's skewering our budget and adding to my anxiety level.

I find myself compulsively going to the store to pick up "just a few things" 3 or 4 times a week.  Many times a $5 quick stop will turn into $25-$30.  That doesn't seem like much but I find that some weeks I'm spending $150 on my trips there.  I'm trying to limit myself to one trip and asking my husband to pick up fresh fruits and veggies as needed after he gets out of his second job (at the grocery store).  I'm battling it daily., tampering down my anxiety. I need to stop this compulsive behavior.  I don't think my husband realizes what I'm feeling.  I don't want to add to his stress level .  He has enough on his plate.

That's my confession for today.  Do you have any compulsive behaviors?  Feel free to share here.