Parents Choose Your Friends Carefully

This public service announcement goes out to all moms and dads.  I'll direct it more to those with younger non-school age children.  If you're kids are in school then you probably know all about this:

Drama Mamas/Ghetto Freaks/Attention Whores/Know It Alls

Seriously, as an adult you know there are all types of people in the world.  But as a parent they are sometimes hard to avoid.  Also, they wear masks.  They draw you in with their appropriate parental prattle but watch out they're not who they seem to be.  It's just a sick game to them. 

Pay attention and be leery.  Not on the outside but on the inside.  For me, I had on rose colored glasses.  I should smack myself upside the head.  I've worked in retail management.  I've seen these types of parents.  I guess I just never associated them with parents I would be meeting when my kids started going to school. 

Preschool seemed normal.  I was also working full time so maybe I just got lucky and gravitated towards "normal" parents. *snicker*  No parent is normal.  Come on now, be honest with yourself.  We are not normal.  We're just more normal than others.  I guess I thought that elelmentary school would be the same but dang was I wrong!

Brace yourself.  I didn't realize how bad it really was.  To be honest, in the scheme of things it's not that bad but there are more out there than you think.  And as I said, they wear masks.  Each school has different types and some are more obvious than others.

I learned the hard way.  The summer my oldest went into first grade we moved closer to the school and he became a walker.  I was working less so I was able to become more involved.  Overall, it was a fantastic thing.  We had more time in the morning and after school together, no waiting out in inclement weather for the bus and I met some great parents at pickup.  The downfall, I got suckered by a few of said parents.

That year I made some mommy friends.  Some worked, some stayed home, some had a child with special needs and many were involved in the school.  We would hang out at the school playground chatting, have playdates at the park.  I got closer with a few and we hung out.  Seemed perfect.  But I was wrong.

Some of those so called friends were not what they presented themselves to be.  They were back stabbers, troublemakers and full of drama (a.k.a. drama mamas).  I had a real bad experience right before the end of school that year.  I learned the hard way.  The signals were there but I ignored them.  I won't ever do that again.

Know the saying, "Treat others the way you want to be treated"?  Well, observe those you want to be friends with.  How do they treat others?  Not just you.  Are they catty?  Do they whine and complain?  Do they harass the school, teachers, other parents?  Are they judgemental?  Do they bully others? Are they always building themselves up to look good?  If you answered yes to any of these be on alert.  I would say turn and run but sometimes that's not always the best idea either.  If you run, you could be the one at the other end of the drama.  My advice, be friendly without being too friendly.  Limit your socializing to school things and not outside of school

I got to "overhear" one drama queen yelling at another through the school fence.  I'm so glad both women's children were already in school at the time.  All I could hear was them calling each other names and going at it verbally.  Though they kept taunting each other to "bring it" like they were going to actuallly kick the others ass.  A bunch of hair pulling trash in my opinion.  I hate to pass judgement but when you are in your kids school yard talking trash then that's what you are.  Do you not have any self control?  No self esteem?  Please!  Pull it together.  Parents are supposed to be role models for their children.  There are children, teachers, parents and yes police around you.  Grow the heck up and act like a mature adult.  Don't talk your ghetto talk around innocent bystanders. Go beat eachother up where we can't see you.  You are a poor example to your children for even talking and acting like that (public place or not).

So, if you are ever suckered in by these types of parents walk away.  I wish I had paid attention to the signs.  One of those forementioned ghetto trash talking mamas use to be a friend of mine.  But I learned my lesson the hard way.  I'm sharing my advice with you.  Choose your "mommy/daddy" friends carefully.  If not, it could blow up in your face.  Or possibly, hit you there between the eyes.

Men need a Good Woman and Women need good Friends

A recent study by the Institute for Clinical Evaluative Sciences in Toronto shows that married men live longer than single men. It stated that men who were married or in a common-law relationship were less likely to die from heart attack or stroke and to live longer.  They were also more likely to regularly see their physician.  Hmmm.... are  you really surprised?  Come on now, be honest.  Nah, I didn't think you were surprised at this finding either.  I actually snickered when I heard about this on the news.  Seriously, single men don't take care of themselves like the wives of  married men do.   Not being mean, just brutally honest.  Hate to say it but this was good money wasted.  Seriously, those funds could have been spent supporting education or researching cures for diseases.

Fact is women tend to live longer than men.  Married men longer than single men.  And widowers who remarry within a few years of their wife's death live longer than widowers who never remarry.  Why you may ask?  I believe the answer is as simple as the woman behind the man.  Let's face it, men don't take care of themselves properly.  The don't eat right and they don't like to go to the doctor.  They don't emotionally unburden themselves often enough.  Yes, I'm generalizing but it's true that the majority of men just don't think about their personal, mental and emotional needs like a woman does.

Woman are caregivers by nature.  We are nurturers.  It's in our genetic make-up to make sure everyone is healthy, happy and productive.  If you don't take care of yourself either we'll do it or nag you to death until you do it for yourself.  Sound familiar?  I hate to admit it but the truth is I'm a nagger.  I wasn't before I got married and I hate that I've become one.  I have to be in my household of stubborn big and little people.  I always ask first and if you don't act quick enough I'll keep it up until you finally do it just to shut me up.  I try to use my nagging powers for good and not evil, though I know it slips in there from time to time.

For example, back in October I suggested several times that my husband go to the doctor when he continuously complained about his allergies.  His head was stuffed, his ears were clogged, his throat hurt, he coughed, he sneezed, his eyes were red and then his lips started getting tingly.  When that last symptom showed up he finally listened.  After a battery of tests it was determined that he has severe outdoor allergies and a few indoor.  He had what is called a "mast" reaction.  Thank goodness with a heavy dose of steroids (including a shot) he was able to get it under control.  The doctor said it could have been much worse if he had continued to ignore it.  I would like to believe it is with my help and support that he continues to be healthy and happy. 

What keeps me going is my family and friends.  I think this is true for most women.  We build a strong network of woman we can turn to in a time of need.  We have different networks to meet different needs.  I truly believe this is why woman live longer.  We always have someone we can talk to during emotional times.  We have a group of friends who listen willingly and offer advice or just a shoulder when needed.  We don't bottle our feelings up as much and are freer with our emotion.  Also, we keep ourselves healthy because we are the emotional cornerstone of our families.  We worry about what would happen if we weren't there to take care of them.

I have a few close trusted friends that I share everything.  I rely on them for emotional support.  Obviously, I rely on my husband too but there are times when he has so much on his overflowing plate that I don't want to burden him.  These ladies I can trust to keep my confidences.  My circle widens out to include other types of friendships.  I have some that I turn to for "mom" questions, others for educational help and others who are fun just to hang out with and chat the time away.  These circles overlap and change with time and situation.  As I grow older I've become more mature in picking my friends.  I pick and chose my close friends more wisely.  Unfortunately, woman are dramatic by nature and some more than others.  I try to avoid those that need to be the center of attention and will do anything to attain it.  I've been there done that too often and the emotional upheaval I've had to deal with in the aftermath is so not worth it. 

As I come closer to 40 I know who my true friends are.  I cherish them and what they add to my life.  I appreciate what I have and feel honored to have such good friends who are there for me.  I have the best IRL (in real life) and online friends who keep me grounded.  I am honored to have each and every one of them in my life.  I am a better person because of my friends.

Remember to let your friends know how much they mean to you!

And for my male friends, Remember...

~Behind every good man is a woman ready to smack him into place if he doesn't toe the line.~ 

Kindness and Generosity

I have been so privileged lately to see the kindness and generosity of others around me. It really erases those annoying moments of the me, me, me generation.

My family has been on the receiving end of many of these generous actions. I'm so grateful. We're going through tough financial times and it makes my heart ache (in a good way) when others go out of their way to lend a helping hand.

My son's hearing impaired teacher has been amazing. Not only is she supportive but has gone out of her way to get him equipment he needs. She also researched and pursued financial options in getting Goalieboy new hearing aids. Without her he would not be where he is today.

Another amazing person is a lady named Mary. She owns a hearing aid business with her husband. They volunteer their services to the local Lions Club. She personally helped us secure funds when it was determined our household income was too much to qualify for free aides. I'm blown away by her.

My daughter's first grade teacher, who is amazing! She gives 110% every day. She is going to another school in our district next year and will be truly missed. She took all the kids pictures and made them each year books. She gave my daughter her email and home address so they can keep in touch. She is generous with her time, praise and attention.

Little Bee's first skating teacher who moved to Virginia in January. She writes her and even made a trip up to see her first skating competition a few months ago. She is here this week visiting and made special plans to see her. We went out for ice cream today. It was wonderful seeing them chatting about everything that's happened since they last saw each other. She also brought her a birthday present. How sweet is that?! Most 22 year olds are not like that.

Two of my good friends planned a special barbecue for my birthday last Saturday. They made me a cute cake and gave me wonderful (and unnecessary) gifts. They also got gifts for my son (birthday is July 23rd) and stepdaughter (her birthday was the following day). How thoughtful is that?

I am truly blessed with the wonderful people surrounding me and my family. When things get tough I try really hard to take a deep breath and be thankful for what I have.

****Remember to sit back, breathe and count your blessings when life gets overwhelming.

You Got to have Friends

Women need a support group of friends.  Women also need a variety of friends.  There are friends we can tell anything too.  Then there are more casual friends that you bond together over a particular thing.  We have childhood friends, mommy friends, co-worker friends, internet friends and the list goes on and on. It's good to have a variety of friends that you can lean on for support because they each fulfill you different needs in a friend.
I have a few close friends but a large support circle of  friends.  I think in each of my circles I have one or two go to friends are can discuss anything with. 
I have an old childhood friend that I have lost touch with a few times but somehow we find each other again.  We were the best of friends through middle school and high school.  We lost touch for a few years after she moved out of the area and our interests became more varied.  As most teenagers, we had a stupid spat and it separated us for a while.  But, we're like sisters, bonded for life.  We found our way back to each other and I attended her wedding about 12 years ago.  She was living out of state at that point so it was hard to keep in touch.  She was a busy newlywed and I was single working insane hours as a retail store manager.  We lost touch again.  It took another 8 years to reconnect.  We had both moved several times since the last time we spoke so it was took a lot of hard work to find each other.  I finally bit the bullet and joined Facebook because I saw this mini photo of a person that looked a lot like one of her sisters.  I signed up and immediately sent out a message asking the person if they were who I though they were.  I was blessed to find out it was indeed her sister.   I was immediately given her email address and told that my friend had been searching for years for me too.  It was joyous reconnecting again.  She is like the sister I never had.  Even when we've been apart, she's always been in my heart.  I believe every woman should have at least one friend like this.  I feel very blessed.
Another type of friend is the co-worker friend.  I have several of these type from past jobs.  However, it's great when this friend becomes more.  Unfortunately, I've also been burned badly by numerous of these types of friends so I'm now much more leery of this type.  My close co-worker friend was someone I didn't even connect with when I first started that job.  I felt we had nothing in common and she was the distant sort.  That all changed when I became pregnant with my first child.  She too was pregnant and due 8 weeks before me.  We bonded after that and have been close ever since.  She went on maternity leave and never returned to that job. I think that helped our friendship because we didn't have any work drama after the kids were born.  Nine years later and we still keep in touch weekly and get together at least a few times a month for lunch and shopping at the mall.  I can share anything with her and I know she'll listen with an open mind.  She's there with advice and support.  I love this about her. 
My third type of friend is my mommy/school friend.  This is a friend who has kids in your child(ren)s school.  You may have met them while hanging out with your kids in the neighborhood, at the local part, in the school yard or at a school function.  Beware of these friends because some are fake and like to cause "mama drama".  You might miss the clues at first but when you see them run as fast as you can in the other direction.  You do not want to get sucked into mama drama.  Been there, done that.  It's so not worth it.  After all is said and done you may lose a person you thought was your friend, you may lose shared friends who don't really know what happened and your child may lose a friend.  I'll touch upon these things in another post.  For those of you that have been reading my blog for a while, you may remember a post about a bully mom.  Those are the ones that cause mama drama and are so not worth having in your circle of friends.  Find moms that you can connect with.  However, do not try to force friendships between your children.  It may become an issue later.  I can think of one particular friend when I write about this category.  Our children are not friends but will play with each other and, I guess, are friends of a sort.  We connected in a way through my son and her daughter.  Our kids were in speech together during kindergarten.  We didn't meet until I moved into the house behind her right before first grade.  She has become a wonderful friend and neighbor.  What connects us is she has two daughters with disabilities and my son has a hearing impairment.  She is a great support system.  I can always go to her when I'm looking for advice on how to handle a situation at school or a CSE (Committee on Special Education) meeting.  She gets it.  My son is not considered "special needs" and sometimes I have difficulty maneuvering channels. If I don't fight for him he'll get lost in the shuffle.  She is always giving me advice and feedback on my questions.  I can talk to her about anything and she's non-judgmental.  Truly an amazing woman.
When I look at my close friends I realize how truly blessed I am.  I have 5 or 6 that are my go to woman.  I know that they will listen, offer advice and support me whenever I need them.  Everyone should have at least one friend like that.  Foster those friendships and you will reap the  rewards of someone who will always listen and have your back.  Remember to return the favor to them too.  You get back what you put in.  Also, cut any negative, gossipy, mama drama types from your llife.  They are not worth all the energy they are sucking out of you (and possibly your family).  These woman can come back to haunt you.  Trust me, I know.  It's been a year and a half since I cut one of those from my life and she haunts me because her daughter is in my son's class and she is a neighbor.  It's truly like hell.  If I'd known then what I know now I wouldn't have allowed myself to become so close with her and her family.  Hindsight is 20/20 so we have to accept, move on and learn from our mistakes without becoming jaded.
I am truly thankful for my wonderful friends.  Without them I think I would be lost.

Enjoyed Spring Break Day 2

Good day overall.  The kids slept "late today" and woke up between 8-8:30.  Yeah me!    It was a nice experience.  My son came in to snuggle for about a half hour and tell me about his fantastic dream where we all when for an amazing trip to a dinosaur museum.  I'm so glad he remembered having a good dream.  It's very rare for him.
The afternoon was filled with playdates for both kids.  I dropped my son off at his hockey friend's house before taking my daughter to her's.  It was so nice.  She hasn't seen her preschool friend since last June when they graduated prek.  I'm so glad that they were able to reconnect.  They've known each other since the boys started prek together (they were a year old!).  The hard thing for them has been that they live in different areas of the school district and therefor go to different elementary schools.  To make matters worse her mommy lost her cell phone where she kept all her phone numbers and changed her home number.  Since we don't have a land line it was hard for us to get in touch with each other.  It was nice to run into each other last Saturday during the town's Easter Egg Hunt.
The girls had a fantastic time together and so did us mommies!  The girls played so nicely together that we were able to sit back, relax and catch up on what's been going on these last 9 months.  As soon as the weather stabilizes we plan to meet up at the park so the kids can run around and tire themselves out.
The day ended on the perfect note of yummy Strawberry Shortcake topped with Whipped Cream.  Yum!