So proud of my All-Star Goal!
Showing posts with label hockey. Show all posts
Showing posts with label hockey. Show all posts
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
Wednesday, August 03, 2011
Goalie Mom *Wordless Wednesday*
Being a goalie mom is hard work. The hockey goalie position is probably the most expensive position in all of sports. It may also be the smelliest.
Gotta air it out somehow. All the sweaty stench is ripe and he's only 9! Heaven helps me when he's a teenager! It might just kill me then.
Sunday, May 22, 2011
Rink Research
This afternoon we spent scouting out an ice rink about an hour away from our house. Trying to weigh the pros and cons of my son playing hockey here in the fall.
Pros:
Parking lot is well paved with no holes
One rink dedicated to hockey all day
Vending machine for coffee if the snack bar is closed
Snack bar with variety and lots of seating
In house restaurant that looks nice
We can register for inhouse league last minute and he'll have a spot (gives us time to decide where we want to go)
Drive is mostly highway
Cost is in line with what ER can afford
Cons:
Hour drive
Rink is away from food, gas, and such
Not overly friendly and helpful
Lots of travel teams (more emphasise than in house)
Not sure how well lit lot is
Only one set of bathrooms
I think the pros outweigh the cons and I think this is where we will be if our rink doesn't reopen in Sept or if it does reopen but the majority of coaches and players don't return. We will adapt. They have lots of clinics, open skates and sticks and pucks so we will utilize it a lot over the summer. It's the best way to make an informed decision.
Wish us luck!
Pros:
Parking lot is well paved with no holes
One rink dedicated to hockey all day
Vending machine for coffee if the snack bar is closed
Snack bar with variety and lots of seating
In house restaurant that looks nice
We can register for inhouse league last minute and he'll have a spot (gives us time to decide where we want to go)
Drive is mostly highway
Cost is in line with what ER can afford
Cons:
Hour drive
Rink is away from food, gas, and such
Not overly friendly and helpful
Lots of travel teams (more emphasise than in house)
Not sure how well lit lot is
Only one set of bathrooms
I think the pros outweigh the cons and I think this is where we will be if our rink doesn't reopen in Sept or if it does reopen but the majority of coaches and players don't return. We will adapt. They have lots of clinics, open skates and sticks and pucks so we will utilize it a lot over the summer. It's the best way to make an informed decision.
Wish us luck!
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Sunday, May 15, 2011
Never Give Up
Just last week my family found out our local skating rink will be closing its doors as of June 5th. Rink management published a press release in the local paper. If your children are deeply involved in an activity then you know what a blow this is emotionally for the whole family. The rink for us is a family place. My son plays hockey there (up to 3 times a week), my daughter (up until the last 4 weeks) skated there twice a week and we are constantly there for open skating, sticks and pucks and other events.
Kindly, our son's hockey coach email all the youth hockey parents to address this as soon as he heard the news. It would have been an even worse blow to read about it in the paper. My husband and I were emotionally floored and crippled. To make matters even worse we found out that rink management (as in the big wigs that sit behind a desk nowhere near the facility) had not even told their employees until they released the statement to the newspaper. How cruel is that?
Let me share the email my son's coach sent to us.
Hello all,
I'm not sure how anyone could understand how much it hurts to send this message. Some of you have received the news already via the press release today. As of June 5th, <XYZ Ice Rink > will be closing its doors. While there are still negotiations with the town - we must continue with the closing process. Obviously, we're all pulling for some positive news, but we have to prepare for what may very well happen.
As for the spring hockey season - we will be attempting to fit in all games before June 5th. This, of course, will mean weekday games. As soon as a new schedule is made, I will pass it along.
I'd gladly answer any of your questions - but I just don't know much at this time. I really regret having to send this email - I do apologize for such short notice - as I just found out today as well.
I would like to thank everyone for their support, caring, and understanding throughout the years - it really means a lot. I've had so much fun the past 8 years at <XYZ Ice Rink>- I am having trouble even thinking about letting it all go. I don't want to get into all that right now (as part of me is still holding onto a thread of hope!) In case I don't have the chance to say it, I truly wish everyone the very best - let's really make this last month fun!
Thank you,
Coach <XXXX>
Youth Hockey Director
Summer Camp Director
My heart breaks for every employee there. To us, they have become a family and have nowhere to go. We were told this weekend that there a few possible deals in the works but nothing definite yet. The Town was rumored to be in talks with management but we all know that nothing is going to become of it. With all governments big and small tightening their belts and slashing their budgets, there is no way the town can afford to take over something so costly. The owners are greedy to boot. They bought the rink a few years ago for $2 million and are now attempting to sell it for $5.5 million and won't budge on their asking price. They are living in La-La-Land if they think they'll get that.
We were given some email addresses to bombarded with messages on what the rink means to us as skaters, players, parents, families, etc. I would like to share the letter I wrote with all of you. I think it tells our story and feelings quite well...
I am writing to you on behalf of thefamily. We have been a part of the <XYZ Ice Rink> family for the last 4 years. I say family because that's what <XYZ Ice Rink> has become to us. Let me share a bit of our history with you:
My son, <GoalieBoy>, started Learn to skate in 2007 at the age of 5. He couldn't wait to learn because he wanted to be a hockey player. The instructors were great teaching a young child to skate. They were patient, loving and kind. By the following Spring he was through the skating and hockey classes and began Spring league as a Mite. Since then Coach T and Coach J (along with several wonderful parent volunteers) have helped him develop into an awesome goalie. Hockey has become, in all essence, his life. He lives and breathes hockey. Hockey is teaching him many life skills such as: teamwork, perseverance, sportsmanship, endurance, healthy competition, how to stay healthy and active, just to name a few. <GoalieBoy> is a child that struggles in school and always has to work extra hard to keep up with his classmates. He has lacked self confidence. Hockey gives him self confidence and strength of character. He believes in himself, his coaches and his teammates. <XYZ Ice Rink> has given him what school has not. If the rink closes he will be devastated. His self confidence will be taking two steps back.
My daughter,, has been skating at the rink for the last 2 years. I've seen her skating skills grow in leaps and bounds under the direction of many wonderful instructors. She loves everyone there and has been looking to starting freestyle lessons in the next 6 months.
My children were devastated when we told them the news that <XYZ Ice Rink> was closing. We have become close with so many families, coaches, and instructors. My husband has volunteer coached and enjoys helping the kids grow as players. I've become a dedicated hockey/skating mom. There have been times I'm at the rink three days for hockey and another 2 for skating. Often we throw in another day and go open skating, do sticks and pucks or a goalie clinic. I feel we live there and I wouldn't have it any other way. I'm the mom who not only ties on skates but helps put on goalie pads. There is no other place my family wants to be.
Without <XYZ Ice Rink> skating and hockey will die a quick, painful death in our County. The closest rink is 45 minutes away. With the cost of gas it will be an enormous financial struggle on top of the the struggling economy we are facing. Our kids chose to skate and play hockey because they have a passion and talent for it. We've done everything we can to keep their dreams alive. There are so many people, especially children, that will lose a lot if this rink closes. Please, please help us save <XYZ Ice Rink>. I know that I speak for many parents and childdren when I say I will do whatever it takes to help keep it open...volunteer my time, talents and energy into making this work. Think of our youth.
Sincerely,
TheFamily
Now all we can do is sit and wait. We've heard various rumors about potential buyers. I heard 3 local families are looking to negotiate the purchase of the rink. I also heard there's a company in the next state over that may be interested in it. The biggest kink in everything is the greedy owners. I'm hoping and praying something can be worked out. At this point in time, we've been told that no matter what the rink will shut down on June 5th. If buyers are found then the rink should hopefullly reopen in September. We don't know if this will truly happen and if so what changes it will bring.
Right now we are madly calling up rinks and attempting to get information. There are no ice rinks in our county. The closest rinks are at least 45 minutes away. Many hockey programs have already had fall tryouts and have formed teams. Everything for us is up in the air. Our hockey family, as they've become, will be scattered to the wind. I don't know how we can even afford it, to be totally honest. We are struggling financially right now. The rink has worked with us on payment plans and such because we have been there so long. They know our family's love of skating and hockey. We've been blessed with them. Many of the other skating/hockey programs further away cost more and that doesn't include gas and travel. I don't know how my son will be able to focus on school work in the car. I know we'll work it out because, as I stated in the above letter, hockey IS his life. His goal is to be an Olympic Hockey Goalie and play in the NHL. It is his reason for "being". He will be devastated if he can't play. We have done everything in our power to keep him involved in the game. We will continue to do so.
I pray we get some resolution to this sooner than later. I have to say I've become very emotionally and mentally caught up in it. My heart races and head spins when I start to think about it. It's actually made me jittery, anxious and almost downright depressive over this. I can't help feeling this way. It's not a common feeling for me. The last time I felt like this was when I found out my compensation coverage was being cut by 75% and I was overwhelmed with dread on how we were going to live. I have to get my mind off of it. I know it may sound silly to some of you but this has really taken a toll on us. I guess for me, it's seeing how positively hockey has impacted my son. He doesn't have a lot of self confidence...he has hearing issues, he just got bi-focals, he struggles with reading, he has a hard time focusing (in everything but hockey). This rink is his life line and I can easily see it impacting his future. I want to continue to see the positive impact of teamwork, self confidence, sportsmanship and strong friendships. I fear the bleakness if it's all taken away.
However, I refuse to give up without a fight. I will stay strong. I will stay positive. I will be there for my son through thick and thin because I am his strongest advocate. I am GaolieMom!
Kindly, our son's hockey coach email all the youth hockey parents to address this as soon as he heard the news. It would have been an even worse blow to read about it in the paper. My husband and I were emotionally floored and crippled. To make matters even worse we found out that rink management (as in the big wigs that sit behind a desk nowhere near the facility) had not even told their employees until they released the statement to the newspaper. How cruel is that?
Let me share the email my son's coach sent to us.
Hello all,
I'm not sure how anyone could understand how much it hurts to send this message. Some of you have received the news already via the press release today. As of June 5th, <XYZ Ice Rink > will be closing its doors. While there are still negotiations with the town - we must continue with the closing process. Obviously, we're all pulling for some positive news, but we have to prepare for what may very well happen.
As for the spring hockey season - we will be attempting to fit in all games before June 5th. This, of course, will mean weekday games. As soon as a new schedule is made, I will pass it along.
I'd gladly answer any of your questions - but I just don't know much at this time. I really regret having to send this email - I do apologize for such short notice - as I just found out today as well.
I would like to thank everyone for their support, caring, and understanding throughout the years - it really means a lot. I've had so much fun the past 8 years at <XYZ Ice Rink>- I am having trouble even thinking about letting it all go. I don't want to get into all that right now (as part of me is still holding onto a thread of hope!) In case I don't have the chance to say it, I truly wish everyone the very best - let's really make this last month fun!
Thank you,
Coach <XXXX>
Youth Hockey Director
Summer Camp Director
My heart breaks for every employee there. To us, they have become a family and have nowhere to go. We were told this weekend that there a few possible deals in the works but nothing definite yet. The Town was rumored to be in talks with management but we all know that nothing is going to become of it. With all governments big and small tightening their belts and slashing their budgets, there is no way the town can afford to take over something so costly. The owners are greedy to boot. They bought the rink a few years ago for $2 million and are now attempting to sell it for $5.5 million and won't budge on their asking price. They are living in La-La-Land if they think they'll get that.
We were given some email addresses to bombarded with messages on what the rink means to us as skaters, players, parents, families, etc. I would like to share the letter I wrote with all of you. I think it tells our story and feelings quite well...
I am writing to you on behalf of the
My son, <GoalieBoy>, started Learn to skate in 2007 at the age of 5. He couldn't wait to learn because he wanted to be a hockey player. The instructors were great teaching a young child to skate. They were patient, loving and kind. By the following Spring he was through the skating and hockey classes and began Spring league as a Mite. Since then Coach T and Coach J (along with several wonderful parent volunteers) have helped him develop into an awesome goalie. Hockey has become, in all essence, his life. He lives and breathes hockey. Hockey is teaching him many life skills such as: teamwork, perseverance, sportsmanship, endurance, healthy competition, how to stay healthy and active, just to name a few. <GoalieBoy> is a child that struggles in school and always has to work extra hard to keep up with his classmates. He has lacked self confidence. Hockey gives him self confidence and strength of character. He believes in himself, his coaches and his teammates. <XYZ Ice Rink> has given him what school has not. If the rink closes he will be devastated. His self confidence will be taking two steps back.
My daughter,
My children were devastated when we told them the news that <XYZ Ice Rink> was closing. We have become close with so many families, coaches, and instructors. My husband has volunteer coached and enjoys helping the kids grow as players. I've become a dedicated hockey/skating mom. There have been times I'm at the rink three days for hockey and another 2 for skating. Often we throw in another day and go open skating, do sticks and pucks or a goalie clinic. I feel we live there and I wouldn't have it any other way. I'm the mom who not only ties on skates but helps put on goalie pads. There is no other place my family wants to be.
Without <XYZ Ice Rink> skating and hockey will die a quick, painful death in our County. The closest rink is 45 minutes away. With the cost of gas it will be an enormous financial struggle on top of the the struggling economy we are facing. Our kids chose to skate and play hockey because they have a passion and talent for it. We've done everything we can to keep their dreams alive. There are so many people, especially children, that will lose a lot if this rink closes. Please, please help us save <XYZ Ice Rink>. I know that I speak for many parents and childdren when I say I will do whatever it takes to help keep it open...volunteer my time, talents and energy into making this work. Think of our youth.
Sincerely,
The
Now all we can do is sit and wait. We've heard various rumors about potential buyers. I heard 3 local families are looking to negotiate the purchase of the rink. I also heard there's a company in the next state over that may be interested in it. The biggest kink in everything is the greedy owners. I'm hoping and praying something can be worked out. At this point in time, we've been told that no matter what the rink will shut down on June 5th. If buyers are found then the rink should hopefullly reopen in September. We don't know if this will truly happen and if so what changes it will bring.
Right now we are madly calling up rinks and attempting to get information. There are no ice rinks in our county. The closest rinks are at least 45 minutes away. Many hockey programs have already had fall tryouts and have formed teams. Everything for us is up in the air. Our hockey family, as they've become, will be scattered to the wind. I don't know how we can even afford it, to be totally honest. We are struggling financially right now. The rink has worked with us on payment plans and such because we have been there so long. They know our family's love of skating and hockey. We've been blessed with them. Many of the other skating/hockey programs further away cost more and that doesn't include gas and travel. I don't know how my son will be able to focus on school work in the car. I know we'll work it out because, as I stated in the above letter, hockey IS his life. His goal is to be an Olympic Hockey Goalie and play in the NHL. It is his reason for "being". He will be devastated if he can't play. We have done everything in our power to keep him involved in the game. We will continue to do so.
I pray we get some resolution to this sooner than later. I have to say I've become very emotionally and mentally caught up in it. My heart races and head spins when I start to think about it. It's actually made me jittery, anxious and almost downright depressive over this. I can't help feeling this way. It's not a common feeling for me. The last time I felt like this was when I found out my compensation coverage was being cut by 75% and I was overwhelmed with dread on how we were going to live. I have to get my mind off of it. I know it may sound silly to some of you but this has really taken a toll on us. I guess for me, it's seeing how positively hockey has impacted my son. He doesn't have a lot of self confidence...he has hearing issues, he just got bi-focals, he struggles with reading, he has a hard time focusing (in everything but hockey). This rink is his life line and I can easily see it impacting his future. I want to continue to see the positive impact of teamwork, self confidence, sportsmanship and strong friendships. I fear the bleakness if it's all taken away.
However, I refuse to give up without a fight. I will stay strong. I will stay positive. I will be there for my son through thick and thin because I am his strongest advocate. I am GaolieMom!
Sunday, December 12, 2010
Awesome Compliment
I just had to share because I'm bursting with pride! My son has been playing hockey for about 2 1/2 years. He started playing goalie about a year and a half ago. He's honestly a natural. No bragging on my part, it's just true. After my son's Mite game on Saturday I had a fellow hockey mom come up to me and ask me about him while we were in the locker room unchanging. She asked how long he'd been playing and I told her. She said she was amazed by him and that he was so talented. She told us that she looks forward to watching him play every week. Is that amazing or what?! I told him that his goal is to be play in the NHL and her reply was...you can tell he wants it by how hard he plays. Wow! I'm so proud of him!
Sunday, March 28, 2010
Emotional Weekend
Friday night my husband told me that he had unintentionally obligated to a work function on Saturday forgetting that it was my son's end of the season party for hockey. I was so upset since this is not the first time something like this has happened. Why oh why can't he remember that he has important family events planned. He realized this some time after his bosses third call that day to verify he was coming. To make it worse the function was a trip to casino 90 minutes away. It was supposed to strengthen the teams bond. They gambled for a few hours and then had dinner. It was ridiculous. But, I accepted it even if I was disappointed for our son. I did know that my husband truly wanted to be there and was upset he couldn't be. He actually had the balls to ask me to go with him and have my father or a teammates father bring our son to the party...which includes the handing out of trophies and certificates after skating and pizza. I can't believe he would seriously ask me to comtemplate that. Any other time I would have gone. Even if it meant missing a game. But not a special event such as this. So, he went to his function and I took the kids (including my stepdaughter) to the party. We all had lots of fun and I have no regrets of the choice I made.
Today was another matter. First off, I put my foot in my mouth this morning. I got upset that my stepdaughter was leaving even earlier than originally planned. We normally drop her off at her mom's around 7:30/8:00. Today however, she had plans for her mom's boyfriend's sister (are you following this?) to pick her up at 3:00 so they could meet boyfriend's mom and go to a hotel overnight. This is something kind of traditional for them,,,,to kick the end of winter blues, so to say. I don't begrudge her this in the least. She deserves it. What breaks my heart is that they can't wait until later in the day to pick her up. It cuts into our family time with her. It hurts. The worst of it is that these things don't even faze my husband any more. He's on an emotional disconnect when it comes to thses things with his oldest child. So sad. I feel that I care more and hurt more about this for me and the kids. Why? Is it wrong for it to hurt me this much? The foot in mouth thing happened because I didn't "filter my words" (to quote stepdaughter). She told me that she was actually leaving earlier than originally planned and she hadn't had a chance to tell me. I unthoughtfully replied, why does it have to cut into our time with you? We only get to see you once every other weekend and we're (meaning daddy and the kids) blood. I still can't believe I was so insensitive! I have a habit (that I am trying hard to work on) of speaking how I feel without waiting to find the right words. I don't mean to hurt anyone, but sometimes I do. I need to stop and find the right words for it. She didn't come out and say I hurt her, just calmly got up and washed off her breakfast disher before retreating upstairs. Oh my God! What was I thinking?! That was not only hurtful but rude, thoughtless and so many other things. I waited for a good 10 minutes because I wanted to say the "right" words. Thank goodness, she let me come in when I knocked and she listened to my heartfelt apology.. In the end, she said she knew I ddin't mean it that way and we talked about "filtering" what we thought before it came out wrong. It was a great talk and I know it was heartfel on both sides. I even cried. I told her that I want her to always know that she is my first child and I love her very much. I definately feel like we had a real bonding momennt. It was as nice as the one we had last weekend when she was over...she told me about some intimate details about her life (and a close friendship gone wrong). She told me that while she can talk to her mom about these things she likes to come to me for advice. It made me feel good. I love her so much it hurts that we don't have her more. I try to get whatever time we can with her. Our talk went well this morning and branched into other things. Daddy was gone doing errands at thsi time. When all was said and done, we went out to Dunkin donuts for coffee/hot cocoa and bagels. It was nice and I really feel were are more than good because she understands I don't bemoan her time with her "aunt" and "grandma" I just miss her and wish we had her more.
The day ebbed and flowed from there. My husband wasn't around for most of it. First he went to have his rental care vacuumed, then slept on the couch for a while and then upstars in our room (saying he wasn't feeling well). He finally made an ppearance a half hour before my stepdaughter left.
I love my husband, unfortunately we have an up and down relationship. There are many highs and lows. This weekend his was absent in many ways. To make matters worse, he decided to bring up the tax money not long after my stepdaughter left. We typically split it. I spend my money on things for the kids over the year, leaving it my checking account. I get them school clothes, birthday gifrts, christmas gifts, things for school and home as needed. I rarely spend much on myself...some seasonal clothes here or there totallying my $200 over a year. I'm not quite certain what he spends his on. What's disheartening is we got a new homebuyers credit last year for the purchase of our house. We have to pay this back. We got back $7000 for it plus another $4500. We both took $2500 for ourselves and put the remaining $6500 in our savings account so we could spend it on the house. In August we took out about $2000 for vacation. We should have had $4500 left. It's all gone...somewhere. Bills my husband tells me now. He never had the decency to tell me he was dipping in to it. I understand it if he needed it but why not be upfront and tell me. I just found this out not long ago. So, he "asks" me if he can have more of the tax money because our cell phone bill is over $1000! What the heck?! On top of that he has another $500 deductible to pay for car repairs (2nd "no fault" accident in 4 months!). I told him take it all if he really needed it and I meant it. I was being mean, though I was floored. Well, he took that to be bitchy and we got into it big time. It's so unfair that my 5 year old daughter is STILL waiting for a bunk bed to rerplace the toddler bed she is getting too bigh for. It's ridiculous! But I held my tongue. He has money management problems and anger management issues. Everything ends up my fault and if we argue it's because of what I said. He jumped down my throat. I thnk he was looking for a fight to cover the fact that he wanted the tax money and hated asking for it. He needs to grow up! He's almost 40. Everything does not need to be a fight. To top it off he refuses to shut up when the kids are home. Why can't we be civil about it? It's not fair to be hollering with them their to hear it. In the same room! It was bad and it's not the first time. We need help and he refuses it, doesn't see the need. It hurts me because I know not only can I continue to go through this but neither can our children. I'm lost and don't know what to do. His answer to the end of the arguement was....I'm now going to take all the money, I'm not going to pay your car insurance, I hope your car breaks down...etc. What the heck? Are you a child? Yes, he pays the whole mortgage. He also makes $65000 to my $23,000. I buy all the food, pay the electric, pay for my car needs (gas and such) and everything for the kids...clothes, school supplies,etc. I pull the weight I can. I don't splurge on myself ever. I don't get it. He refuses to cut down on our satellite bill, our cell phone service, etc. I'm down to the bare bones and don't know what to do. I'm worried we'll lose the house before he gets it. I don't know where this leaves the two of us once again (as this is a reoccuring issue). He's upstairs in our bed and I'm down on the couch. I might go up into my daughter's room and sleep in stepdaughter's bed. I hate this. I don't want to fight. Why can't we love each other, talk to one another as equals, compromise and put our family first. I just don't know what's going to happen.
Keep our family in your prayers. I want us to become strong, not weak.
Today was another matter. First off, I put my foot in my mouth this morning. I got upset that my stepdaughter was leaving even earlier than originally planned. We normally drop her off at her mom's around 7:30/8:00. Today however, she had plans for her mom's boyfriend's sister (are you following this?) to pick her up at 3:00 so they could meet boyfriend's mom and go to a hotel overnight. This is something kind of traditional for them,,,,to kick the end of winter blues, so to say. I don't begrudge her this in the least. She deserves it. What breaks my heart is that they can't wait until later in the day to pick her up. It cuts into our family time with her. It hurts. The worst of it is that these things don't even faze my husband any more. He's on an emotional disconnect when it comes to thses things with his oldest child. So sad. I feel that I care more and hurt more about this for me and the kids. Why? Is it wrong for it to hurt me this much? The foot in mouth thing happened because I didn't "filter my words" (to quote stepdaughter). She told me that she was actually leaving earlier than originally planned and she hadn't had a chance to tell me. I unthoughtfully replied, why does it have to cut into our time with you? We only get to see you once every other weekend and we're (meaning daddy and the kids) blood. I still can't believe I was so insensitive! I have a habit (that I am trying hard to work on) of speaking how I feel without waiting to find the right words. I don't mean to hurt anyone, but sometimes I do. I need to stop and find the right words for it. She didn't come out and say I hurt her, just calmly got up and washed off her breakfast disher before retreating upstairs. Oh my God! What was I thinking?! That was not only hurtful but rude, thoughtless and so many other things. I waited for a good 10 minutes because I wanted to say the "right" words. Thank goodness, she let me come in when I knocked and she listened to my heartfelt apology.. In the end, she said she knew I ddin't mean it that way and we talked about "filtering" what we thought before it came out wrong. It was a great talk and I know it was heartfel on both sides. I even cried. I told her that I want her to always know that she is my first child and I love her very much. I definately feel like we had a real bonding momennt. It was as nice as the one we had last weekend when she was over...she told me about some intimate details about her life (and a close friendship gone wrong). She told me that while she can talk to her mom about these things she likes to come to me for advice. It made me feel good. I love her so much it hurts that we don't have her more. I try to get whatever time we can with her. Our talk went well this morning and branched into other things. Daddy was gone doing errands at thsi time. When all was said and done, we went out to Dunkin donuts for coffee/hot cocoa and bagels. It was nice and I really feel were are more than good because she understands I don't bemoan her time with her "aunt" and "grandma" I just miss her and wish we had her more.
The day ebbed and flowed from there. My husband wasn't around for most of it. First he went to have his rental care vacuumed, then slept on the couch for a while and then upstars in our room (saying he wasn't feeling well). He finally made an ppearance a half hour before my stepdaughter left.
I love my husband, unfortunately we have an up and down relationship. There are many highs and lows. This weekend his was absent in many ways. To make matters worse, he decided to bring up the tax money not long after my stepdaughter left. We typically split it. I spend my money on things for the kids over the year, leaving it my checking account. I get them school clothes, birthday gifrts, christmas gifts, things for school and home as needed. I rarely spend much on myself...some seasonal clothes here or there totallying my $200 over a year. I'm not quite certain what he spends his on. What's disheartening is we got a new homebuyers credit last year for the purchase of our house. We have to pay this back. We got back $7000 for it plus another $4500. We both took $2500 for ourselves and put the remaining $6500 in our savings account so we could spend it on the house. In August we took out about $2000 for vacation. We should have had $4500 left. It's all gone...somewhere. Bills my husband tells me now. He never had the decency to tell me he was dipping in to it. I understand it if he needed it but why not be upfront and tell me. I just found this out not long ago. So, he "asks" me if he can have more of the tax money because our cell phone bill is over $1000! What the heck?! On top of that he has another $500 deductible to pay for car repairs (2nd "no fault" accident in 4 months!). I told him take it all if he really needed it and I meant it. I was being mean, though I was floored. Well, he took that to be bitchy and we got into it big time. It's so unfair that my 5 year old daughter is STILL waiting for a bunk bed to rerplace the toddler bed she is getting too bigh for. It's ridiculous! But I held my tongue. He has money management problems and anger management issues. Everything ends up my fault and if we argue it's because of what I said. He jumped down my throat. I thnk he was looking for a fight to cover the fact that he wanted the tax money and hated asking for it. He needs to grow up! He's almost 40. Everything does not need to be a fight. To top it off he refuses to shut up when the kids are home. Why can't we be civil about it? It's not fair to be hollering with them their to hear it. In the same room! It was bad and it's not the first time. We need help and he refuses it, doesn't see the need. It hurts me because I know not only can I continue to go through this but neither can our children. I'm lost and don't know what to do. His answer to the end of the arguement was....I'm now going to take all the money, I'm not going to pay your car insurance, I hope your car breaks down...etc. What the heck? Are you a child? Yes, he pays the whole mortgage. He also makes $65000 to my $23,000. I buy all the food, pay the electric, pay for my car needs (gas and such) and everything for the kids...clothes, school supplies,etc. I pull the weight I can. I don't splurge on myself ever. I don't get it. He refuses to cut down on our satellite bill, our cell phone service, etc. I'm down to the bare bones and don't know what to do. I'm worried we'll lose the house before he gets it. I don't know where this leaves the two of us once again (as this is a reoccuring issue). He's upstairs in our bed and I'm down on the couch. I might go up into my daughter's room and sleep in stepdaughter's bed. I hate this. I don't want to fight. Why can't we love each other, talk to one another as equals, compromise and put our family first. I just don't know what's going to happen.
Keep our family in your prayers. I want us to become strong, not weak.
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