Standing on Shaky Ground

The last few weeks have been rough.  I'm going through something I went through last summer and a bit at the beginning of last summer.  And now it's back.  It sucks.

A few weeks ago I took my son out shopping for school.  We didn't get further than Taco Bell for lunch.  We were chatting, having a good time.  We ordered our food.  We sat down.  I could feel the sun shinning through the window and the heat from it pierce me.  I started to feel off.  So I suggested to my son that we move because the sun was making mommy feel sick.  Sat down at another table that was not so sunny.  Same thing.  I could feel the heat surrounding me and darkness edging in.  I was terrified I was going to blackout right there. 

I gently explained to my son how I was feeling and he understood immediately.  He was there last summer when I had to have my husband drive me from the mall to urgent care.  Neither of us wanted a repeat.  I slowly made my way up to the counter and asked for a to go bag.  We put everything inside and left to head back home.  Being in the air conditioned van helped a lot.  I brought my son to my parent's house and I laid up in the air conditioning most of the afternoon.  I felt useless, helpless.

Rewind to last summer.  I spent an hour outside at Lowe's with my girlfriend pursuing the gardening area.  It was a hot, humid and sunny.  I felt ok.  I left to drive home because my kids would be getting out of school within the hour.  I went to start my van and was suddenly overcome by dizziness.  I blasted the air conditioning and tried to shake it off.  Within minutes I realized I couldn't keep driving.  I thought I was going to pass out. I felt weak and my hands were shaking.  I pulled into a parking lot and reclined my seat back. I thought resting in the cold air would help.  I was wrong.  I could feel the blackness heavy, all around me.  I decided to go into the Taco Bell (not the same one) and get a drink.  My dad's diabetic so I was thinking I was either dehydrated or having a some kind of problem with my sugar.  All I remember is darkness speckled with white spots .  I had never been so afraid.  I ordered a coke and sat down. 

It just kept getting worse and worse.  Like a drunk, I bobbed and weaved to the counter.  I thought for sure I'd end up on the floor.  I told the cashier what was wrong and asked her to call an ambulance.  Now I was also mortified.  Go figure.  Even surrounded by fear and uncertainty I didn't want to cause a "scene".  Life is funny, isn't it?

The paramedics came, took my vitals, asked me questions and took me out on a gurney.  Definitely not a stellar moment.  My mind was swirling with the fact my kids were in school and I had to be there to get them.  In the hospital corridor I called my husband and dad.  My husband dropped everything to meet me and my dad picked up my kids.  Thank God for that.  I'm glad it didn't play out differently.

I remember being thirsty and asking for water. The nurse said she'd be right back.  She never returned. I wanted to cry. When I stopped another nurse 15 minutes later she told me I couldn't have anything until my test results came back.  I was hooked to an IV. They did an EKG.  I remember it feeling like forever.  The hospital told me they thought it was vertigo and to do a follow up with my doctor. 

My doctor said definitely wasn't vertigo.  His diagnosis was dehydration and possibly a sudden drop in blood pressure.  He told me to drink lots of water and Gatorade and to avoid going outside on hot, humid days.  I tried my best but I had three more episodes that summer and an urgent care visit.  I discussed it during a comp visit with my doctor's PA she said it could be hypoglycemia .  She told me to eat more frequent, smaller meals with lots of protein.

Once summer was over I felt "normal" again".  I had a few issues at the beginning of June this year but I was able to keep it together.  Now it's back. 

Last week I had a job interview and the room was hot and without air conditioning.  I felt light headed and weak but made it through.  I kept praying I wouldn't face plant on the floor.

The next day (Saturday) I took my daughter shoe shopping.  I felt a little off but was determined to make it through.  We successfully purchased shoes but when we went out to lunch I felt it really coming on.  Within minutes of placing our order I had to request it to go.  I tell you, the people at Cracker Barrel were extremely understanding and helpful.  I'm so grateful.

I haven't felt 100% normal since that day and I'm worried.  My husband had yesterday off and took me to Longhorn's for lunch.  Within moments I felt that warm, dark sensation again.  I think the bright lights over each table brought it on.  We had to leave before we even ordered.  I felt like I was going to pass out at school pickup and had to leave my husband there to collect my daughter, as my son had already come out. I spent the next hour on the couch.

Today is the same.  I feel tired.  I keep drinking water in case it is dehydration but that just makes me use the bathroom every 20-30 minutes.  I've made sure I'm eating right.  Plenty of food and  lots of protein.  My fear is diabetes but I had some required blood work done for our medical insurnce renewal and it shows all my numbers showing in the acceptable range.  That was at the end of June after I had a minor issue at school pickup.  I'm totally at a loss.

I can't live my life this way.  It's scary and frustrating.  I feel helpless.  I hate it!  I feel like my life is being stolen away.  The job I applied for is a kitchen job in one of the area schools.  At this point I don't feel comfortable taking the job.  It's mine from what she told me.  We're just waiting for my drug test and background check to come through.  It should be in any day now.  I don't know what to do.  Do I take it and chance blacking out while working?   My friend works for the company and helped me get an interview.  I don't want her to be upset if I end up saying no to the job.  It's the ideal job (except for the pay).  I would just need my parents to help me for an hour in the morning so it's doable.  It's minimum wage which sucks but it's a start.  A foot in the door.

I'm so lost, I don't know what to do.  I don't know what the right answer is.  I pray to feel better in the next day or so and maybe I won't have to worry about all theses things for a while longer. 

Have you ever felt this way or known anyone who has?  I feel so alone in this.  It's frustrating not knowing what's going on, what brings it on or what I can do to prevent/control it.  Hopefully answers will come my way soon.

An unexpected rant on American Healthcare

I haven't been blogging the last few weeks because of computer and medical issues.  I've missed it so.  I've been able to hang out on twitter but trying to blog from a phone is not very effecient.
2010 and 2011 have been rough years for me physically.  It seems once I get one thing under control another pops up to take it's place.  Some things are minor, others not so much. Minor like a virus or major like my neck/shoulder problem.  I've been trying to stay positive, though I have to admit it's been very hard.  It's taken it's toll on my mentally and emotionally at times.  I'll tell you it's never been boring though.  Besides the hope that things phyically get better over all I wish we had better medical coverage.  The deductible plan we have is going to kill us.  It's $1700 individual, $3700 family.  We've had to put off doing some things medically that are needed.  In October, my husband had a severe allergic reaction that took a long time to get under control.  We still can not tell what caused it and pray nothing triggers it again.  We do know he is allergic to almost every outside seasonal thing possible year round.  Doctors wanted to have him start allergy shots but unfortunately our old (co-payment based) medical coverage ended at the end of October.  We could not afford to pay in full the every other week visit to the allergist for shots (for approx 3 months) at full cost.  Plus follow up shots for another 9 months. So, we've forgone it and hope for the best that he does not have another reaction.  My son's audiologist has suggested trying hearing aids to help with his minor hearing loss and tinnitus.  Unfortuanately, the aids cost around $4500 for two.  That doesn't include the maintaince and reprogramming fees.  We've had to put those off while we save money.  Even our old plan wouldn't cover any of it.  Our audioligist is helping by lending us an aid to try out but it's still going to cost out of pocket expenses.  He's 8!  His hearing effects his learning which effects his attitude towards school, which in turn can effect his whole attitude towards life.  His self esteem and furture are at stake.  He really needs to aids but we'll try the one.  Problem is, even if the aid turns out to be a godsend, we can't afford it and we don't qualify for any time of aid.  The audiologist, while nice, doesn't understand.  She keeps trying to press us into getting a line of credit.  We can't afford to make the monthly payments on said line of credit.  We're barely making our mortgage payment right now.
I've been lucky in that the issues with my neck, shoulder and back have been coverered by worker's compensation insurance up to this point.  However, it's $80 for a doctors visit.  When we all had the flu back in February my husband finally dragged himself to the doctor because he had to be healthy to work.  We couldn't afford the Tamiflu.  Its $90!  He did get two other meds that did help some.  So it was $80 for the visit and another $60 for the meds he did get.  Thank goodness the doctor let us pay $20 and billed us the rest of the $80.  The rest of us sufferered through it.  It wasn't pretty.  When I threw my back out in February, I was able to get it billed under comp because it was the same area that I had injuured at work 2 years ago.  My son needs to go back to see the ENT for  6 month follow up, the audiologist wants to do a follow up too.  Who knows how much that's all going to cost.  These are two things we can't put off.  I'm hoping the doctors will work with us.  My heart is sickened by the greed of insurance companies.  I can suck it up for some things but my children's healthcare needs should be coverered 100%.  America is failing all of its people, its sad.
The last two months I've been battling with another medical issue.  Nothing life threatening, thank goodness but it's been quite painful and it's one of those things people either don't talk about or whisper about behind closed doors.  I had planned to blog about it now, but I got off my original topic with my medical insurance rant.  I'll blog about it next time.  I'm so upset over how American Healthcare is hurting families more than helping them.  It's such a shame.