Thursday, August 04, 2011

Change Is Here

August is here and with it a major change to our household.  It's a welcome change, even if only temporary.  For the first time ever, Dancer Girl (my 17 year old stepdaughter) will be living with us for the whole month.  We were so excited when her mother called a few weeks ago to talk to us about it.

When her mom called my hubby she told him that since this is the last summer before DG turns eighteen she wanted her to spend quality time with us.   She wanted them to strengthen their father/daughter bond.  I'm all for that and was so excited!  I never thought I'd see the day come. I am grateful she is giving us this opportunity.  This is what memories are made of.

Before hubby and I got together (almost 11 years ago) they had spent a portion of two summers together.  When we got together our schedules were crazy and we lived six hours away.  We moved closer but unfortunately didn't have any child care so we settled for every other weekend during the summertime too and any additional time we could get.  For me, it's honestly never been enough.

I think it's great that his ex is thinking about their relationship and how it could change once DG is done with school.  It's thoughtful of her to want them to cement their bond.

We've been very fortunate that she still chooses to spend every other (sometimes more) Saturday and Sunday here.  I feel honored.  Time is short and every moment is important.

I'm hoping this will bring the two of them closer together.  They always have fun but my husband is afraid to commit his emotions.  Does that make sense?  He's told me before that he feels like a part time dad with no say.  I think this comes from DG having a full time male "role model" in her life via her mom's common law husband.  They've been together since she was 4.  Right before around the time hubby and her split.  I think he's afraid to get too close, feel too much.  I think it hurts his heart.  This month could really make a huge impact on their relationship.

My kids are over the moon.  They have a hard time understanding why DG can't be here more often.  It breaks their heart when she leaves.  Also, being a teenager, she sometimes chooses hanging out with her friends over them.  This month will bring them closer together.

I think it'll be wonderful for her to get a more intimate look at how our family "runs" on a daily basis.  Up until now she's only caught glimpses.  The longest she's ever stayed has been about 10 days.  Hopefully we don't all drive each other nuts.  {Laughing}  Who am I kidding?  We're a family that's stubborn, outspoken and very loving.  We always drive each other crazy.  She's just going to be in the midst of it more.  I'm hoping that will draw her in closer.  I want her to feel like she my heart, she has always belonged.

My heart always aches when she has to leave.  It feels torn out when plans change and she doesn't come.  I get hurt when she chooses her friends over us.  I'm not afraid to admit it. 

I have friends who are not in my shoes that say, "She's just being a teenager".  I understand but they don't/can't comprehend where I'm coming from.  I know this is the same exact feeling I'm going to get with my own biological children.  For me there's no difference in being a mom or stepmom.  It's being a mom plain and simple.  That's just me. I always want my kids with me.  I want them to put famiy first, even if it's not always realistic.

 I love that she's with us.  I hope this time will bond all of us deeper and help us grow tighter as a family.

I love that she feels comfortable coming to me and asking for advice.  It makes my heart swell.  I feel trusted and loved.  We had an in depth conversation about boys, friendships, relationships and more.  I feel honored that she would confide things to me and want my thoughts on the matters. 

I want August to be a time of family bonding.  I pray we all get stronger family ties out of this time.  I hope it will bring us all closer. 

I fear for the end of this time.  I know it's gong to break my heart.  This is a gift I've been craving for so long.  In my heart, she has always been my first child.  I'm looking forward to creating lifetime memories with her this month.

Let's BEE Friends


~Mistee~ said...

So happy for u guys!! I think it will be so much fun to have her there for the entire family! It's awesome she's not "too cool" to spend time at home, :) enjoy the visit!! :-)

Barbara said...

That sounds amazing! I hope you guys have a great time with her!

Mommy's Juggling Act said...

@Mistee We're so excited! It's literally an opprotunity of a life time for us. I'm trying to plan at least a few fun outdoor activities a week. Hard on a tight budget but so far lots of fun!

Mommy's Juggling Act said...

@Barbara Thank you! This first week has flown by and we're having a great time.

Anonymous said...

I came across this post through Twitter. Great post, and I really wish the best for you this month. I'm sure parts of it will be difficult, but I think how you handle it is where the bonds are formed. Have a great August! Looking forward to reading more. :)

Bees With Honey said...

You sound like a wonderful step-mom.I hope you all have an amazing time together.