Cupcakes Galore! What a Perfect Mommy & Daughter Day!

I had originally planned to post about the wonderful day my daughter and I had at the Cupcake Festival on Sunday but life got in the way.  You can read about that here...Coping with Life. Today's a new day, bright and shiny (even if it is pouring rain outside).  I am now ready to share with you a perfect Mommy/Daughter moment.

Sunday started out perfect.  The guys were gone for the weekend and my precious little girl and I were able to relax and sleep in.  My father invited us over for breakfast around 10...pancakes, sausage and bacon.  How much more perfect can it get?  I didn't have to cook it myself.  Pretty perfect I'd say.

The day was overcast but not too hot and not cold.  The ground was still damp from the overnight rain but it wasn't muddy.  I quickly debated with myself if we should drive to the Cupcake Festival.  I was worried it would pour and we'd be puddle hopping and shivering all day.  I decided, what the heck. We only live once and this is special one on one time with my girl.

We drove towards the mountains and delighted in the view of the foggy patches covering it.  We played games describing what the fog shapes looked like.  It was quiet and peaceful, like we were in our own little bubble.  After getting turned around a bit we found the festival site and parked.  It was still early and I can say looking back that I'm glad we got there when we did.  As we left a few hours later there were lines of cars everywhere trying to get in.  The threat of rain I'm sure kept many away but it was packed none the less.

This is the view from the less packed end of the Festival.  This was only a half hour after it began.  The middle and other end was mobbed.



 They had tents over all the vendors and tables to eat at. Perfect idea for rain or shine. They provided cover for everyone and the food. It drizzled a bit while we were there and we enjoyed our cupcakes under the tent.
I love the tent backdrops in the tents to sit and munch in. This one says "Keep Calm and Eat A Cupcake". Thank you very much, Don't mind if I do! The table cloths were bright and pretty and each table had a pail and shovel center piece. I think they could have done without the center pieces, but that's just my opinion. They were cute.

My daughter was in heaven at the very first table we came to.  She awed and oh ed over each amazing cupcake.  Who knew that they could be decorated in so many creative and fun ways.  I was in awe too.  These cakes were masterpieces.  I could tell by the detail work that each one took awhile to create and love was put into them all.  My precious Bee knew exactly which one she wanted.  I was surprised it didn't take her hours to choose it.  She was disappointed when I told her we had to walk the whole festival before we came back and bought it.  I did that because I thought for certain she would change her mind.  I was wrong.

Here are just some of their creations

Absolutely perfect for birthdays and other special occasions.  I am in inspired looking at them.  Can't wait to get creative for my daughter's birthday cupcakes.

This is the one my daughter picked out.  Look at the details.  I love the bug eyed looked.  That's the first part my daughter ate...the eyes!

She slowly worked her way through the icing.  It took her all day to eat it.  We brought it home and she finally finished it off after dinner.

Told you the poor thing was eyeless.  And now the head is gone. Guess he doesn't have to worry about his eyes anymore. Poor headless frog. My daughter the cannibal. She laughed the whole time. It was such a delight.

Here are some other fabulous cupcakes

These are some we bought.

Cupcakes were priced between $3-$5.  The fantastic more intricate ones like my daughter chose were $4.  The average price was $3.  It was my little splurge.  There were also mini cupcakes and cake pops for $2-$2.50.  I spent $15 between the cupcakes and the bouncy house. 

This was the first time we went to the festival and it was their third.  I think the town did a wonderful job in preparing and accommodating everyone.  This is a small town and from what I hear the festival is growing in leaps and bounds every year.  They have a bandstand, amature cupcake contest, face painting and bouncy houses.  Most of the main street retailers were open and selling their wares.  It had a great small town, community feel to it.  The vendors were wonderful.  They took time to answer your questions and were personable.  It's those qualities that will bring me back next year rain or shine.  I will be going early because I heard that though the event ran until 5 all the cupcakes were gone by 2:30 and that was with overcast skies in the morning and rain in the afternoon.



Coping with Daily Life

Saturday started off as a great day.  Hubby was home from his out of town job interview and I was snuggled in his arms.  We got to sleep in since Goalie Boy's hockey game wasn't until 10:30.  It was simply wonderful. 
We hadn't been back to the rink since my son's coach emailed us the Friday before to let us know the rink would be closing in a few short weeks.  All the emotions hit me walking into the rink.  I felt overwhelmed by them.  It feels so silly feeling so strongly about a building, but I do.  As I've said before, it's been my son's saving grace.  I see my son in the light I rarely get to see him in at home.  I see him enthusiastic, positive and so much more.  I felt like a weight was pressing down on me because I worry so about losing this part of my son.  I don't know why, but I worry about him becoming a sullen, negative child.  I think it's because he is often hard on himself.  I know we are going to find another place for him to play but I know we have many hurdles to jump over first.  We are struggling financially but we've vowed to make this work for him.  We need to find some place within reasonable driving distance (no place is closer than an hour) due to school and the cost of gas.  We need a team that will have a spot for him, as many tryouts for the fall season have already taken place.  We need someplace that he fits in and has a supportive coaching staff.  And finally, someplace that will work with our finances.  We have all that where we are now and I have faith that we will find all that again.
I try to stay positive but as a planner I need to see the whole picture and work things out from all possible angles.  The last few years have been a struggle.  The last 5 months really tough.  I continue to fight. I'm dealing various (mild/moderate) health issues, financial issues, unemployment, my son's hearing and struggling in schools, my husband interviewing for a new job, the rink closing, worker's comp payments (temporarily?) suspended, reapplying for unemployment and so much more.  The unemployment and financial issues are a dark, heavy cloud over my head pressing me down.
Just a few weeks ago I had my latest comp hearing where my payments we suspended.  My doctors and comp drs can't agree on whether or not I have a minor disability.  I've been searching for a job to no avail.  Last week I called in to claim my weekly unemployment only to be told that it was my final week to claim and I'd have to reapply.  This after I received a letter stating I had been approved for 14 more weeks and would not need to reapply.  So, here I am without any means of income.  It will be at least 6-8 months before a judge decides my comp case.  My husband is struggling to pay the mortgage and other bills I've been helping with.  I don't know what we'll be doing next month.  There's no one to help us.  My husband starts a part time evening job making minimum wage this week.  I feel horrible that he has to work all the harder because I can't find anything.  He works so much now.  I worry about him.  I worry about us.
My husband was gone part of last week for a job interview out of state.  We're keeping our fingers crossed that something comes from it.  He got a call today that he's made it to the final stage of the interview process. We're trying to keep it in perspective and not get too excited.  You get too high and it's a long way crashing down.  The wonderful thing is getting the job will give him a raise, a company car and an expense account.  The scary thing is hubby will have to commute at least an hour and a half each way until we find a place to live.  We have to figure out what to do with our house....it's a two family and my parents live on the other half.  Do we rent it out?  I can't imagine selling.  We've only lived here 3 years (in July).  Then we have to house hunt (renting to start, I'm sure), find the right school (one that can help my son) and look into a rink.  The good news is, the area I think we'll be living in, will have a number of hockey programs to choose from.  Moving will  be the best thing for us all.  We need a new start.  We need to leave this area, break away from my parents (we support them way more than they realize or will admit) and school district.  It's going to be hard though.  We've planted roots here.  I'm sad, yet realistic that it's for the best.
So, walking into that rink Saturday just brought a lot of deep emotions to the surface.  I keep tamping them down but they continue to rise up.  The good news for Saturday is my son played an amazing game and got a SHUTOUT!  I'm so very proud of him.  He's working so hard and focusing.  I was able to shrug off the anxiety rising up.  After the game my hubby and son went with friends of ours to a Nascar race.  I'm grateful to hubby's friend because he is selfless.  He gets the tickets from his job and uses the business points he earns for the hotel.  It's a nice treat when we're watching every penny.
I took my daughter out to lunch as a treat.  That's when the anxiety hit me.  Out of nowhere.  My heart was racing and I couldn't focus my thoughts.  I blamed it on the coffee I had drank earlier and the fact that we we're having such a late lunch.  After eating, the feeling s subsided some so I convinced myself that it was only a jittery, caffeine rush.
Too bad I know that's not the case now.  I picked my son up from school today and was fine.  A little while later we left and got my daughter from girl scouts.  Not long after walking into the house that scary, jittery feeling hit me again. I couldn't control it, couldn't like it away.  My mind was racing, my heart pounding.  I don't even know what set it off.  I have to admit it for what it's for Anxiety.  I think I'm overwhelmed by everything going on and the new changes on the horizon. I'm afraid we'll lose everything.
My doctor gave me a script for a medicine last year for anxiety when I was a bit overwhelmed with everything going on.  I didn't even tell her.  She took one look at me and knew.  She had to convince me it was worth a try to see if it helped.  It did to an extent.  I only took it a few times so I really didn't give it a chance to work to it's full potential.  I think what helped at the time is I found out I was able to start collecting partial unemployment and that took a bit of a load off.  Now, it's here again.  So I called the pharmacy to find out if the script was still valid.  It wasn't but they called the doctor and got a new one.  I'm so grateful.  I'm going to start it tonight even though I hate taking meds.  I need something right now to keep me centered.  I need to be here for my family.  I found that earlier, it was a struggle to keep it together when the kids were going at it over something trivial.  I can't do that to my kids or myself.  I'm hoping it will help get me on the right track. 
Hubby didn't quite understand at first when I told him I was getting an anxiety med from the doctor.  He asked why.  I told him it was because I was just overwhelmed emotionally by everything going on and felt like life was spinning out of control.  Unfortunately, at first, he made a flip comment about it sounding like "life".  I was so hurt and upset.  I hung up the phone with him before I started to cry.  He gave me a few minutes and then explained that he didn't me it the way it sounded.  He meant that, life is always crazy and out of control for us.  He was supportive and for that I appreciate it.  I hated admitting I had a problem coping with what life's throwing at me...I almost felt like a failure.  I know I'm not and I know it's ok to look for help.
So, now I'm coping with more support and not lost in my own head feeling like there's something wrong with me.

Never Give Up

Just last week my family found out our local skating rink will be closing its doors as of June 5th. Rink management published a press release in the local paper. If your children are deeply involved in an activity then you know what a blow this is emotionally for the whole family. The rink for us is a family place. My son plays hockey there (up to 3 times a week), my daughter (up until the last 4 weeks) skated there twice a week and we are constantly there for open skating, sticks and pucks and other events.

Kindly, our son's hockey coach email all the youth hockey parents to address this as soon as he heard the news. It would have been an even worse blow to read about it in the paper. My husband and I were emotionally floored and crippled. To make matters even worse we found out that rink management (as in the big wigs that sit behind a desk nowhere near the facility) had not even told their employees until they released the statement to the newspaper. How cruel is that?

Let me share the email my son's coach sent to us.

Hello all,
I'm not sure how anyone could understand how much it hurts to send this message. Some of you have received the news already via the press release today. As of June 5th, <XYZ Ice Rink > will be closing its doors. While there are still negotiations with the town - we must continue with the closing process. Obviously, we're all pulling for some positive news, but we have to prepare for what may very well happen.
As for the spring hockey season - we will be attempting to fit in all games before June 5th. This, of course, will mean weekday games. As soon as a new schedule is made, I will pass it along.
I'd gladly answer any of your questions - but I just don't know much at this time. I really regret having to send this email - I do apologize for such short notice - as I just found out today as well.
I would like to thank everyone for their support, caring, and understanding throughout the years - it really means a lot. I've had so much fun the past 8 years at <XYZ Ice Rink>- I am having trouble even thinking about letting it all go. I don't want to get into all that right now (as part of me is still holding onto a thread of hope!) In case I don't have the chance to say it, I truly wish everyone the very best - let's really make this last month fun!
Thank you,
Coach <XXXX>
Youth Hockey Director
Summer Camp Director

My heart breaks for every employee there. To us, they have become a family and have nowhere to go. We were told this weekend that there a few possible deals in the works but nothing definite yet. The Town was rumored to be in talks with management but we all know that nothing is going to become of it. With all governments big and small tightening their belts and slashing their budgets, there is no way the town can afford to take over something so costly. The owners are greedy to boot. They bought the rink a few years ago for $2 million and are now attempting to sell it for $5.5 million and won't budge on their asking price. They are living in La-La-Land if they think they'll get that.
We were given some email addresses to bombarded with messages on what the rink means to us as skaters, players, parents, families, etc. I would like to share the letter I wrote with all of you. I think it tells our story and feelings quite well...

I am writing to you on behalf of the family. We have been a part of the <XYZ Ice Rink> family for the last 4 years. I say family because that's what <XYZ Ice Rink> has become to us. Let me share a bit of our history with you:
My son, <GoalieBoy>, started Learn to skate in 2007 at the age of 5. He couldn't wait to learn because he wanted to be a hockey player. The instructors were great teaching a young child to skate. They were patient, loving and kind. By the following Spring he was through the skating and hockey classes and began Spring league as a Mite. Since then Coach T and Coach J (along with several wonderful parent volunteers) have helped him develop into an awesome goalie. Hockey has become, in all essence, his life. He lives and breathes hockey. Hockey is teaching him many life skills such as: teamwork, perseverance, sportsmanship, endurance, healthy competition, how to stay healthy and active, just to name a few. <GoalieBoy> is a child that struggles in school and always has to work extra hard to keep up with his classmates. He has lacked self confidence. Hockey gives him self confidence and strength of character. He believes in himself, his coaches and his teammates. <XYZ Ice Rink> has given him what school has not. If the rink closes he will be devastated. His self confidence will be taking two steps back.
My daughter, , has been skating at the rink for the last 2 years. I've seen her skating skills grow in leaps and bounds under the direction of many wonderful instructors. She loves everyone there and has been looking to starting freestyle lessons in the next 6 months.
My children were devastated when we told them the news that <XYZ Ice Rink> was closing. We have become close with so many families, coaches, and instructors. My husband has volunteer coached and enjoys helping the kids grow as players. I've become a dedicated hockey/skating mom. There have been times I'm at the rink three days for hockey and another 2 for skating. Often we throw in another day and go open skating, do sticks and pucks or a goalie clinic. I feel we live there and I wouldn't have it any other way. I'm the mom who not only ties on skates but helps put on goalie pads. There is no other place my family wants to be.
Without <XYZ Ice Rink> skating and hockey will die a quick, painful death in our County. The closest rink is 45 minutes away. With the cost of gas it will be an enormous financial struggle on top of the the struggling economy we are facing. Our kids chose to skate and play hockey because they have a passion and talent for it. We've done everything we can to keep their dreams alive. There are so many people, especially children, that will lose a lot if this rink closes. Please, please help us save <XYZ Ice Rink>. I know that I speak for many parents and childdren when I say I will do whatever it takes to help keep it open...volunteer my time, talents and energy into making this work. Think of our youth.
Sincerely,
The Family

Now all we can do is sit and wait. We've heard various rumors about potential buyers. I heard 3 local families are looking to negotiate the purchase of the rink. I also heard there's a company in the next state over that may be interested in it. The biggest kink in everything is the greedy owners. I'm hoping and praying something can be worked out. At this point in time, we've been told that no matter what the rink will shut down on June 5th. If buyers are found then the rink should hopefullly reopen in September. We don't know if this will truly happen and if so what changes it will bring.
Right now we are madly calling up rinks and attempting to get information. There are no ice rinks in our county. The closest rinks are at least 45 minutes away. Many hockey programs have already had fall tryouts and have formed teams. Everything for us is up in the air. Our hockey family, as they've become, will be scattered to the wind. I don't know how we can even afford it, to be totally honest. We are struggling financially right now. The rink has worked with us on payment plans and such because we have been there so long. They know our family's love of skating and hockey. We've been blessed with them. Many of the other skating/hockey programs further away cost more and that doesn't include gas and travel. I don't know how my son will be able to focus on school work in the car. I know we'll work it out because, as I stated in the above letter, hockey IS his life. His goal is to be an Olympic Hockey Goalie and play in the NHL. It is his reason for "being". He will be devastated if he can't play. We have done everything in our power to keep him involved in the game. We will continue to do so.
I pray we get some resolution to this sooner than later. I have to say I've become very emotionally and mentally caught up in it. My heart races and head spins when I start to think about it. It's actually made me jittery, anxious and almost downright depressive over this. I can't help feeling this way. It's not a common feeling for me. The last time I felt like this was when I found out my compensation coverage was being cut by 75% and I was overwhelmed with dread on how we were going to live. I have to get my mind off of it. I know it may sound silly to some of you but this has really taken a toll on us. I guess for me, it's seeing how positively hockey has impacted my son. He doesn't have a lot of self confidence...he has hearing issues, he just got bi-focals, he struggles with reading, he has a hard time focusing (in everything but hockey). This rink is his life line and I can easily see it impacting his future. I want to continue to see the positive impact of teamwork, self confidence, sportsmanship and strong friendships. I fear the bleakness if it's all taken away.
However, I refuse to give up without a fight. I will stay strong. I will stay positive. I will be there for my son through thick and thin because I am his strongest advocate. I am GaolieMom!

First Garden

We our purchased our first home almost three years ago. One of the things on our list of must haves was a fenced in backyard and we got it. Unfortunately, it's a two family house in the middle of town without much land. We have a patch 4x8 in the front on either side of the small front cement porch. I'm guessing since I'm not good at figuring out square footage. The back has a paved drive, a small shed, 2 trees (well one's only a stump now) and a wood deck coming out from the basement. Because it's like a city type lot we don't have much lawn left after the deck, driveway and shed. Because of the trees there's not much full sun. It's perfect on hot sunny days but not so much when you want to plant a vegetable garden.
It took a lot of work and manuvering some things around but I think we created the best spot. Because I'm unsure of how well it's going to do I only got a few plants this time around. I'll expand next year if it works out and if we're still living here.
My kids had a great time helping me. They helped me dig up the soil, weed and put down the mix of Miracle Grow soil and potting soil. My daughter handed me the plants after I dug the holes for each of them. I chose to plant vegetables I knew were versatile, especially ones I could serve hot or cold.
We planted:
*Cherry tomatoes
*Regular tomatoes (don't remember exact kind...oops.)
*Yellow zucchini/squash
*Orange peppers
*Yellow peppers
*Orange snacker size peppers
*Burpless cucumbers
*String beans

I still have to get the wire for the tomato plants. And possibly something for the beans to climb up.
Tomorrow I'm getting more soil. I'm going to plant flowers at the end of the driveway and in the front. I got a few seed packets for shade loving flowers that my kids can go crazy with by one side of our fence. There's dm almost empty bed there from when we bought the house. I was never sure what to put there. I also have a few large containers so I'm planting basil in one and cilantro in the other and putting them in the sunniest part of our upper deck. I can't wait. I'm so excited!

 

Mother's Day Wishes

All I truly want for Mother's Day is a nice relaxing day with my family.  Sounds so easy, right?  Not if you live in my house.  I say that with honesty and love.  I'm realist.  My family is a crazy mess and I love them for it.  The perfect gift would be that the day would be filled with hugs, kisses and I love yous.  Also, no fighting, yelling or hurt feelings.  That would truly be a blessing.  We're a unruly bunch I have to say.  This will be the first Mother's Day in 4 years that my son does not have a hockey game (at the ungodly hour of 9 a.m..) on Mother's Day.  Sure, in years past I could have slept in but I didn't want to miss my son's game.  I look forward to watching him.  He amazes me with his talent and I wouldn't want to miss it. This year I will get both Saturday and Sunday to sleep in (well, more like relax in bed) if the kids play nicely together.  I'm so excited!  Hubby will be home on Sunday and I know my daughter really wants to make me breakfast in bed.  Hopefully, my husband will agree to the breakfast I already ordered from her.  I want chocolate chip pancakes, maybe a side of turkey bacon, a cup of hot tea and a glass of orange juice.  Sounds devine to me.  Hope my hubby can pull it off.  He's more of an eggs and bagel type of guy.  But no matter what, I'll be thrilled to be able to relax in bed until 9 or 10 a.m.  Such a pleasure, fit for a king.  I can't wait.  I'm hoping he'll offer to make all three meals, clean up afterwards and do the dishes too.  I think I may be pushing it.
There are other things that would be on my Mother's Day wish list but I'm not greedy so I'll be more than happy with sleeping in, breakfast in bed and an attempt by all to get along.
However, if it were possible these are other things I'd like.  Some are big and some are small.  All would make my day a brighter.

1.  A housekeeper.  I'm not picky if it's for a day, a year, a lifetime.  I would be appreciative beyond belief.  More so than the rest of my family who trash my cleaning efforts almost instantaneously and effortlessly.  I know they don't mean to but it seems all my hard work is for nothing.  At least the housekeeper would know how grateful I am as I would attempt not to bow to her every time she appeared.

2. A laundry fairy...in case the housekeeper doesn't do laundry.  Or if I didn't get a housekeeper.  My husband does attempt to do some laundry on Sunday's which I am thankful for.  However, his "doing the laundry" is bringing the baskets down to the basement, tossing clothes into the washer, then into the dryer.  Eventually they make it up to the living room where I am expected to fold them,  lug them upstairs (something I shouldn't be doing for health reasons) and putting them neatly away.  Hmmmm, guess who has the better gig in this deal?  But hey, it's better than nothing.

3. A dishwasher.  Two (yes TWO!) Mother's Days ago my dishwasher broke.  Ironic, isn't it.  Not comical at all though, I have to say.  I've been washing dishes by hand and letting them dry in my broken dishwasher for two years now.  It's sad and depressing.  I want a replacement so bad.  I've been hinting and outright asking for a long time now.  Yes, I would happily accept an appliance as a Mother's Day gift.  It would free up so much of my time and save my sanity.

4. A gym membership.  My husband has a membership to the local gym.  He can take a guest anytime he goes.  Wonderful.  I'd love to go with him.  Only one problem.  The best time for him to go is after work and that's when the kids need to focus on doing their homework and I make dinner.  So, I miss out.  I went with him occasionally on Sunday's during the regular hockey season since my son's games were on Saturday's but I didn't want to be up at 7 o'clock to go.  Plus, it meant asking my parents to watch the kids.  Sigh.  I want my own membership so I can go while the kids are in school.  I've hinted at this one since Novemeber.  I don't think it's going to happen anytime soon.

5. A flower garden out front and a veggie garden out back.  I've started prepping for them.  It'll be my first year gardening.  I'm worried that there's not enough sun for the veggies but I'm going to try it.  I'd love some plants for Mother's Day.  Hopefully we are done with frost warnings (though we did have one last night). Maybe I can talk the family into a drive to a local gardening center. 

Those are my non-essential Mother's day wishes.  I don't mind not getting them, though they would all make my life better in different ways.  I'm okay with that.  The best gift a mom can ask for is to have her family healthy and happy.  I love my family, even when they drive me crazy daily, and I wouldn't trade them for anything (but shhh....don't tell them that!).
Happy Mother's Day to all the mom's in my life.  We are truly blessed.

P.S.  A spa day with girlfriends or a girlfriends weekend would be totally awesome too!  Hey, a mom can dream!

P.S.S. I just found out something devestating to my son.  This is now my one wish for Mother's Day.  We were notified by email that the rink where he plays hockey is closing as of June 5th.  Supposedly, they are trying to work something out with the town but it doesn't sound like it's going to happen.  There are no other rinks close by.  This is the one thing my son excels at.  It keeps him upbeat and positive.  He's very talented and I'm not saying that because I'm his mom.  I've had coaches, parents and other's tell him that he's really good.  I have to break the news to him without breaking his spirit or heart.  I will write a separate blog post about this.  However, looking for a miracle and the wish I wanted granted more than anything in the world right now is for my son's rink to stay open so he can continue to play hockey.  I hope my prayers will be answered somehow.

Memories of that Fateful Septemeber Day

The day started out like any other.  My hubby (then fiancee)  and I, had to be up by 6 to work by 8.   Everything went according to the usual routine.  Shower, breakfast and then my long trek up Route 3 to the Garden State Parkway before heading North on Route 17.
We had only been in Jersey since May and already I was tiring of the commute and traffic.  We didn't realize that it even though we lived in a town, it would feel more like a city with it's constant motion.  It wasn't until after the move from Western, NY to Bergen County, NJ that I realized I truly was a small town girl at heart.
My hubby was working in Union, NJ.  As he headed South on the Garden State Parkway, I headed North.  At the time I was working as a retail manger.  The store  was silent when I arrived as sleepy employees were slowly making their way in and the overnight crew was winding up their shift.  I went about my normal routine of making sure everything was neat and back filling stock.  The night crew manager was working on the floor near me, pulling excess merchandise back to the stockrooms.  He disappeared for a few minutes.  When he reappeared it was to share with me the most shocking news I'd hear to date.  A plane had flown into one of the Twin Towers.  We all gathered around to talk about it, bewildered that something so tragic had happened.  The store opened a few minutes later but the usual crowd that rushed the doors wasn't there.  It was a prelude of the day to come. We then heard the news that the second tower had been hit by another plane.  All I could think was that this could not be an accident.  I was worried and a bit scared.  My fiancee was an hour away from me, no close friends or family near by.  I tried to make a few calls but the lines were all busy.  By 10:30 upper management decided to close for the day and gave us permission to leave.  The world was eerily quiet outside.  The normal hustle and bustle of Route 17 was gone.  By that I mean, where one would normally see traffic crushed together along the busy route cutting through Bergen County, it was only speckled by the occasional car.  This made me all the more scared. It solidified that something tragic and life altering was occurring all around us.  By now, word had spread like wildfire that an act of terrorism had brought down both the twin towers and many people were dead and injured.
I decided to drive straight down 17 to go home.  If any of you have driven Route 17 in NJ you know you can see the Manhattan skyline in the distance.  To my horror, all I could see was billowing smoke.  Dark, thick and ominous looking.  Before that very day, I had always taken for granted the amazing sight of the twin towers on the horizon. Well, not really for granted.  More like the expected sight of a dear friend.  Now, I felt fear crawling up and down my back as I drove closer to the darkness in the distance.  I was terrified.  I wanted my fiancee and I wanted my mom.  I wanted them at that very moment so badly it was hard to hold back the sobs clawing to get out of my throat.  I had continued to try reaching them on my cell phone and couldn't get through.  I had heard that the lines were over capacity.  I silently chanted in my head....please ring, please ring, please ring.  Over and over again to no avail.  I felt fear.  I felt sadness and bewilderment.  Many people I worked with that morning knew people that worked around the World Trade Center.  They were haunted by their fears that loved ones were dead, injured, missing...  I almost felt guilty for my feelings because I knew of no loved ones in the vicinity.  Thankfully, my fiancee, wasn't interviewing in the city that day as he had been over the last few months.  I prayed to God in relief and thanks that he was safe.
Just thinking back to that fateful day sends my heart pounding and my eyes tearing up.  I will never shake those feelings of helplessness.  I was lost, a stranger in a strange land.  I had no one to comfort me.  I made it home to our house.  The first floor of a two family house.  All was quiet.  I paced the living room, cell phone in hand, land line in the other glancing silently out the window watching the billowing smoke from the skyline a mere 20 minutes from where I stood.  The news of the attacks playing over and over again on the tv in the background.  I just wanted to talk to my fiancee and see if he was coming home.  I needed the comfort of my mother's voice.  All of a sudden I heard a loud roaring noise, the whole house shook violently and I trembled helplessly where I stood.  I swear I thought a bomb was being dropped and my life was over. It turned out to be an air force fighter jet that was making passes over and nearby the city.  Within moments of that I was finally able to reach my mom.  We cried as we heard each other's voice.  She was so terrified that we might have been in the city that morning.  She was relieved that I was safely at home.  Not long after that I was able to talk with my fiancee.  His boss was not allowing anyone to leave.  I was so happy to hear his voice but heartbroken that he couldn't come home and hold me.  All I wanted was for someone to hold me, soothe me and tell me everything was going to be alright.
I know that so many people went through much worse than I did that tragic, fateful day.  I pray for them.  I hope they have been able to find some sort of peace.  I do not know how they have pushed through, just that it is human nature to keep living even if it's day to day, moment to moment.  I pray for so many things.  I pray for peace, hope and happiness.
So, during the last hour of Sunday, May first when it was announced that the mastermind of it all...Osama Bin Laden had been located and killed I was grateful.  Not jubilant.  But grateful.  I can not celebrate the killing of another but it is closure.  I am glad he can no longer hurt anyone else.  He deserved death and more, but it is not my place for that. I thank President's Bush and Obama for never giving up.  I give gratitude for our troops for all they do, day in and day out.  Without them and their brave actions there would be no closure.  I'm very aware that we now have to be on our highest alert for fear of retaliation.  I'm realistic.  I know that his followers will want payback.  I can only hope that Bin Laden's death will weaken them and that the cells will slowly deteriorate without his leadership.  I'm doubtful, but I can hope.  America is the land of the brave.  Where those who wanted freedom came to be strong and hoped for change.  We will survive and grow stronger from this tragedy.  As I listened to President Obama's news conference I felt hope and relief.  I feel the strength and resilience of the American people.
President Obama's closing statement said it best:  "Let us remember that we can do these things not just because of wealth or power, but because of who we are: one nation, under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all.  Thank you. May God bless you. And may God bless the United States of America."
Amen.

What was I thinking?!

Some days I think I've lost my mind. No wait, that's not quite true. Let's face it. I don't think I've lost it, I know I have. And honestly, what mom seriously hasn't. Don't lie to me now (or yourself). We know moms get what I call "baby brain". This condition occurs once a woman becomes pregnant. Slowly, over time, her memory gets foggy and soon she's lucky if she can remember her child's name, let alone what day of the week it is. And don't fool yourself into thinking it gets better as time for a by because that too is a lie. And if you have more than one child....you, my dear, are doomed. Doomed I tell you to forget everything, make poor judgements and become mindless most days.
I definitely had one of those mommy brain moments a few days ago. It wasn't something simple like forgetting to do something we had scheduled. Nope. This was a full blown mommy moment of what the heck was I thinking. I had definitely lost my ever loving mind because if still had it I wouldn't have decided to do what I did. And what was that decision you ask...
I allowed both my children to invite a friend over. Not just for the day. That would've been the more sane thing to do. Nope, not me. I invited them to spend the day (starting around 2) and the whole night. Gasp! I told you I lost my mind.
What you may ask led me to make this insane offer. First, it's Spring break. I'm a big believer in keeping the kids active and love when they can get together with friends. Unfortunately, Spring here has sucked. It's been cold and rainy almost every day. I understand that's what Spring is about and usually I embrace it. However, it's almost May and we've had maybe 3 warm Spring days. Yesterday the sun was out for the first time but it was freezing cold with a bitter cold wind. My kids go crazy cooped up inside. They need to get out and run around. They were driving me and each other nuts. I did what any (crazy) mother would do and invited friends over in hopes of diffusing the situation.
The good news...my I plan worked out for the most part. My kids didn't kill each other and they weren't so bored. The hard thing about having a boy and a girl is you know they're going to find ways to annoy and torture one another. It's no different than when you double that number. The good thing was...one friend is an only child and the other doesn't t have sisters. It's worse when they do because the annoyance level goes up (as does the torture), if you know what I mean.
I find at 6 and 8 years old it's best to separate them and keep them focused on different things. The girls did good with this. They were more than happy to play in my daughter's room with their baby dolls. The boys were trickier. They wanted to walk the fine line and annoy the girls. Sneaky is what they were. They would tiptoe to their door, knock and run away and other juvenile things. Typical minor annoying kid stuff. The girls took it in stride and ignored them for the most part. We made it through.
Hubby was somewhat helpful once he got home. I was very greatful. He didn't do much but he was good at what he did do. The girls spent some time climbing all over him before going back upstairs to play. The boys hung out with him in the living room and watched hockey.
The evening went well. Bedtime (which I was dreading) was a bit trying. I honestly thought the girls would be worse than they were. The hardest thing was to get them to talk quieter. Our house is tiny and noise carries easily. The rule was music off by 9:30 and to start quieting down by 10:00. Bedtime by midnight. I thought that was more than reasonable. Hubby works early so quiet was not optional what so ever. The hardest part was just getting them to lower their cute, giggly voices. It took a while but they finally quieted by 11 and were asleep by midnight. I was so relieved.
This time, the boys were better. They weren't as wound up and settled down to sleep in the living room easily. I put on the movie Despicable Me and they quietly watched it. My son was out by 11:30. I could tell his friend was fighting sleep and I didn't want to head to bed before he was out. He was the wild card in the equation. See, he's slept over before with negative results. First time I had to call his mom at 11:30 to pick him up. I was understanding (if not a bit frustrated because I had offered to drive him home earlier) because it was his first sleep over ever. Second time he slept over before the boys had a hockey game. Midnight rolls around and he's begging to go home. It took a bit of persuading but hubby convinced him to stay. Everything worked out. This was the third time. I prayed he was "broke in". His mom was convinced he'd be fine. I wasn't quite sure but willing to try. I asked a few times between 10-11 if he was ok and he said yes. Of course, once the movie was over at midnight he wanted to go home. I felt bad but I couldn't do it. I was exhausted and had a meeting to go to the next morning. I attempted to convince him to try to sleep and he said he couldn't. I told him I had to go upstairs and I'd be back. My hubby woke up and said no way, he needs to stick it out. He told me not to go downstairs that it would be alright. It broke my heart because I could hear the boy sniffling. I decided to give it five minutes. Thank goodness two minutes later all was quiet. He fell asleep and stayed that way.
The boys were awake before 7! Ugh. But that's sleep overs for you. The boy was fine. I explained everything to his mom and she was ok with everything. Thank goodness because I felt horrible about it. I'm a firm believer in letting parents know how their kids truly were when asked. I'd want them to be honest with me.
I'm still left questioning....what the heck was I thinking doing two sleep overs in one night?! That's a sure sign of a mommy losing her mind. However, I truly wouldn't have it any other way. Overall everyone had a great time so it was well worth it.

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.8

One of those "Mommy" Days

Anyone who follows me on Twitter may have seen me tweeting about doing some Spring cleaning today. I was geared up and in the mood. Do you ever get into one of those (rare) moods?
It wasn't on the days original agenda. See, ORIGINALLY, the plan was to take the kids and meet up with a good friend and her daughter. We were so excited. We try to get together every few weeks but it's hard to get the kids together. We live about a half hour apart and we're usually booked solid with other things on the weekend. We plan play dates during breaks/vacations. Well, hubby told me at the very last minute that he'd be off from work, so I cancelled our plans. I'm a firm believer on putting family first and it was supposed to be a family day.
Too bad it wasn't meant to be. I woke up after the kids and came downstairs to hang out with them so hubby could rest. He game down 30 minutes later, grabbed a quick bite to eat and announced he had to run to the bank to "move some money around" so our mortgage check wouldn't bounce. 45 minutes later (kids are fed and playing board games) he calls to announce he's going to stop at the gym for a workout. Then he'll be home for lunch before taking Goalie Boy to sticks and pucks at the rink. Then they would come home for an hour or so before heading over to a friend's house to watch the hockey game. Well, there went family day. If I'd known, I wouldn't have cancelled my original plans and would've just made it a girls day out.
I didn't let it get me down. The kids wanted to play outside since the sun decided to come out of hiding. I figured it was as good a time as any to get some Spring cleaning done. I didn't realize how much I had bite off until it was too late but I wasn't going to stop. Probably didn't help I was PMSing (yes, I'll admit to that). Once I get in a cleaning mood during that time of the month I run with it. I never know when I'll see it again.
I tuned my Direct Tv to 80's music and decided to tackle the living room. No easy feat. I haven't done more than minimal cleaning (vacuuming, decluttering) since November. I pulled all the furniture out of the room and had it dusted and vacuumed when hubby came back from the gym. He made us pizza for lunch. He put a load of laundry in the wash and then off the guys went to the rink. Little Bee was invited by a friend to go to the park so I figured perfect timing to finish the living room up and sweep and mop the living room.
I got the living room steam cleaned and put back together before everyone got back. I also decluttered and tossed dime stuff out. I was sore, but feeling good about what I had accomplished.
Then it happened. Hubby brought a friend of Goalie Boy's home. I wouldn't normally mind but I was in the middle of cleaning the kitchen floor. Hubby decided OT was a fine time for him to shower and do things upstairs while the boys ran in and out of the house. He expected me to stop everything I was doing. That's when my day fell apart. Here I was sweeping, mopping, doing dishes and trying to keep 2 energetic boys in line. I was really upset when hubby announced they had to leave to go watch the game because he gave them no time to clean up their mess. They tossed everything into our shed and never picked up my son's bedroom. Hubby thought I was overreacting. That hurt. He didn't try to understand where I was coming from or support me. Being on time to pick up the pizza he ordered and go to the friends house was more important. He was sending a message that it was ok to make a mess and leave it. I was.hurt and upset.
The straw that broke the camels back was after they left. I had mentioned to my husband that I would appreciate if he brought up the dirty clothes he took our of his trunk and left in the front hallway. Also, if he could make the bed. He did neither of these things. I seriously sat down and cried. I felt invisible, like my wants, needs, feelings were nonexistant. It's not right. I understand he works his butt off for us and I would too if I could find a job. But this is the pattern that has been going on forever. Even when I worked 60 hours a week too. It's so frustrating. The most he does around the house is to throw a few loads of laundry into the washer and dryer here and there. Occasionally, he may clear the table, wash dishes or fold laundry. I appreciate when he does these things. I wish he would do yard work, lend a hand around the house one day a week. Make it a family thing. I don't think he's showing our kids a good example on a male's role in the house.
I was honest and told him how I felt. He says he's sorry and he'll try harder. Unfortunately, this is not the first time we've had this conversation. I'm going to try to stay positive and hope things change.
Am I alone in feeling this way? My dad worked continuous shift when I was growing up. He never seemed to be home. However, I clearly remember him mowing the lawn, trimming the bushes, doing lawn care, vacuuming, doing laundry. My husband use to do these things years ago but it stopped when my parents lived with us and it's never been the same sense.

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.8

The good, the bad and the ugly. *Week in Review*

*Family days are the best, especially when everyone gets along.

*Physical Therapy can make a difference. I'm going to miss going.

*Hell has frozen over. I walked into the Orthopaedic office and it was nearly empty. I was in a room in 5 minutes and back in my car in 29.

*My Dr is human and has a heart.

*Pecan apple chicken salad at Wendy's is yummy. The fail was they were out of pecans.

*Outrageous gas prices over $4 now.

*Comp lady at Drs office is nice and efficient. Called me right away and had the needed paperwork ready and waiting for me to pick up.

*We had an 80 degree day. Let kids play before dinner and homework. Then it poured cats and dogs.

*Cold, rainy days with temps just above freezing. Thankful for no snow.

*New hit dinner...tostadas with beans, cheese, lettuce and sour cream.

*No major fights with homework. Feel like I won a huge battle there.

*Kids got good report cards. This is easy for my daughter, not so much my son. So proud.

*Son is learning that focusing and hard work pay off. I think teachers may finally get him. It's about darn time.

*Son picked up his hearing aid Friday. Wish him luck. He's nervous as heck but excited at how much better he's hearing.

*Fail, audiologist being on vacation next week so we have to wait on minor aid adjustments. We'll live though.

***Overall it was a great week. I know the rain brings flowers and sunshine will come to stay more often as the days get longer. My son's teachers are listening to me and he is making improvements because of the adjustments I've suggested. The audiologist was nice enough to give us a loaner aid for 3 months while we continue to search out financial aid options. I would definitely say that the good outweighed the bad this week. I feel blessed.

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.8

Angels and Devils

If you're kids are anything like mine they have their ups and downs. Those sweet precious moments you just want to cherish forever. And then there are those moments where you wonder who's child is standing in front of you because you know you taught them to behave better than that. When you have more than one you get a great variety of moments sprinkled with LOTS of sibling drama.
My children definitely have moments on both ends of the spectrum. I think most of the more dramatic moments happen when they are together. Here are some of those moments...

***Daddy is play wrestling with son and goes a bit overboard. Who jumps in to save him but his sister (2 yrs younger and 45 lbs lighter!). She will launch herself through the air and onto Daddy's back. She will pummel him so her big brother can get away. Sweet, right? That is until Daddy gets a bit too rough with her (he sometimes forgets they're kids) and she will beg her brother so save her. So, where is her knight in shining armor? The one she just saved minutes before. You guessed it, staying as far out of the action as possible. You see, this particular knight's armor is a bit tarnished. He will not be saving or defending any distressed princesses.

***When one of my kids go to the doctor without the other one they always ask for a sticker and lollipop for the other. My heart melts every time and the nurses always tell them they're a good brother/sister.
***Also, if I take one of them to the store they never ask for a treat just for themselves. They always make sure to ask me to get something for both of them.

***If they go to the school store or on a field trip they always want to buy the other something.

***Some weekend mornings are great around here! The kids will either be playing the Wii, watching TV together or playing imaginary thing. I love it. The inevitable downfall is a fabricated argument of some sort. To the point of shouting, crying and name calling. Ugh! There are those moments I wish they would just play separately and ignore each other but thankfully those moments pass quickly.

***My kids enjoy playing games together. But god forbid one of them doesn't quite follow the rules (intentionally or otherwise). All hell breaks lose. And let's not even talk about sore losers, or sore winners. Sore winners are the ones that gloat in your face that you lost, they beat you, you suck, they're better than you, etc. That kills me and is not acceptable in our house. It breaks my heart when the loser cries not only because they didn't win but when that the winner rubs it in. My son is usually the evil culprit of this. We do not play that way. You can celebrate winning but don't be nasty about it.

Siblings definitely have their love/hate moments. The hate ones are more often than I'd like and never pass quickly enough but I bathe in the glow of the love moments. I wish I could find a way to bottle it and then sprinkle it over them when the bad moments come. This mommy doesn't want quiet all the time but I would do almost anything for love, piece and happiness all the time.
One of my favorite saying is my children have devil horns and angles wings. Oh, and those halos you see above their heads...yep, they're a bit tarnished but that's ok. They're working on polishing them up a bit as they get older. The good news is...I think my kids are normal, well adjusted kids

An unexpected rant on American Healthcare

I haven't been blogging the last few weeks because of computer and medical issues.  I've missed it so.  I've been able to hang out on twitter but trying to blog from a phone is not very effecient.
2010 and 2011 have been rough years for me physically.  It seems once I get one thing under control another pops up to take it's place.  Some things are minor, others not so much. Minor like a virus or major like my neck/shoulder problem.  I've been trying to stay positive, though I have to admit it's been very hard.  It's taken it's toll on my mentally and emotionally at times.  I'll tell you it's never been boring though.  Besides the hope that things phyically get better over all I wish we had better medical coverage.  The deductible plan we have is going to kill us.  It's $1700 individual, $3700 family.  We've had to put off doing some things medically that are needed.  In October, my husband had a severe allergic reaction that took a long time to get under control.  We still can not tell what caused it and pray nothing triggers it again.  We do know he is allergic to almost every outside seasonal thing possible year round.  Doctors wanted to have him start allergy shots but unfortunately our old (co-payment based) medical coverage ended at the end of October.  We could not afford to pay in full the every other week visit to the allergist for shots (for approx 3 months) at full cost.  Plus follow up shots for another 9 months. So, we've forgone it and hope for the best that he does not have another reaction.  My son's audiologist has suggested trying hearing aids to help with his minor hearing loss and tinnitus.  Unfortuanately, the aids cost around $4500 for two.  That doesn't include the maintaince and reprogramming fees.  We've had to put those off while we save money.  Even our old plan wouldn't cover any of it.  Our audioligist is helping by lending us an aid to try out but it's still going to cost out of pocket expenses.  He's 8!  His hearing effects his learning which effects his attitude towards school, which in turn can effect his whole attitude towards life.  His self esteem and furture are at stake.  He really needs to aids but we'll try the one.  Problem is, even if the aid turns out to be a godsend, we can't afford it and we don't qualify for any time of aid.  The audiologist, while nice, doesn't understand.  She keeps trying to press us into getting a line of credit.  We can't afford to make the monthly payments on said line of credit.  We're barely making our mortgage payment right now.
I've been lucky in that the issues with my neck, shoulder and back have been coverered by worker's compensation insurance up to this point.  However, it's $80 for a doctors visit.  When we all had the flu back in February my husband finally dragged himself to the doctor because he had to be healthy to work.  We couldn't afford the Tamiflu.  Its $90!  He did get two other meds that did help some.  So it was $80 for the visit and another $60 for the meds he did get.  Thank goodness the doctor let us pay $20 and billed us the rest of the $80.  The rest of us sufferered through it.  It wasn't pretty.  When I threw my back out in February, I was able to get it billed under comp because it was the same area that I had injuured at work 2 years ago.  My son needs to go back to see the ENT for  6 month follow up, the audiologist wants to do a follow up too.  Who knows how much that's all going to cost.  These are two things we can't put off.  I'm hoping the doctors will work with us.  My heart is sickened by the greed of insurance companies.  I can suck it up for some things but my children's healthcare needs should be coverered 100%.  America is failing all of its people, its sad.
The last two months I've been battling with another medical issue.  Nothing life threatening, thank goodness but it's been quite painful and it's one of those things people either don't talk about or whisper about behind closed doors.  I had planned to blog about it now, but I got off my original topic with my medical insurance rant.  I'll blog about it next time.  I'm so upset over how American Healthcare is hurting families more than helping them.  It's such a shame.

Dollar Store Dilemma

As a reward for good behavior this week I decided to treat my kids to a visit to the dollar store.  When they were younger this was almost a weekly occurrence but as they've gotten old and gotten more "stuff" we've cut down on going.  We all know most of the toys there are cheaply made and break rather quickly (anywhere from minutes to weeks usually). I knew that they would thoroughly enjoy going and it would help cement the idea that listening and doing what you're told will pay off in unexpected ways. 
The kids were thrilled to hear I was taking them.  They even bypassed on the idea of going home to change out of their pajamas (it was pajama day at school).  I made it clear right up front why I was taking them and the fact that they could pick any one thing.  One thing and one thing only.
I have to say my son was understanding of the rules.  He promptly thanked me for the treat and never begged to buy more than one item.  My daughter only had to be warned once.  My reply was this, "If you ask again you will get nothing so don't ask.".  She knew I meant it so that was the end of the never ending begging that sometimes occurs when I'm out at the store with them.
My daughter is fairly adapt at going through the store and figuring out what she wants.  She will pick a few choices, debate them and then chose.  And that is that.  She use to waffle more but has really amazed me the last year in being able to do this.  My son however, will continue to change his mind and it drives me crazy.  He will walk around the store 5, 10, 20 times picking things up and discarding them.  Over and over and over again.  I start to slowly lose my mind and my patience.  I now have to give him a time limit or this can go on for over 30 minutes and he starts to annoy himself with his indecision. 
Today it was between a few different things.  A cash tray with money, a paddle ball, a foam fling type toy, bakugun type toy or a kite.  Back and forth, back and forth.  He continued to narrow it down.  At first the kite wasn't in the running because he didn't see it hidden in its display by an endcap. It was down to the cash tray and the bakugun type toy.  He asked me to put them behind my back, shuffle them around and then he'd pick a hand.  He picked left and it was the cash tray.  This was the first thing he was drawn to anyways so it worked for me.  He's learning how to subtract dollars and cents in school and he thought this would be a fun way to help him learn.  I'm all for that considering he "hates" to "learn".  His words, not mine.
Then he saw the kites right before we made it to the check out.  Dang!  So close, yet so far!  He picked 2 out and we went through the motions of me putting them behind my back and him picking a hand again.  It was a go again.  Until...  I let him know that we could only fly it at the nearby park because our yard is too small.  That put him into a tizzy.  After settling down we came to an agreement he came up with an I can live with.  We got the cash tray today and if he's good all next week we'll go back and get the kite.  Hopefully by then the weather will be a warmer since it's been in the 20's all this week.
In the end everything worked out.  I think these excursions teach kids about making (appropriate) choices.  It also includes logic, problem solving and decision making.  They're definitely learning things without even realizing it.

What to do, what to do?

An unexpected day of of school can be a parent's nightmare.  Especially if the weather is too bad to take your child(ren) outside to burn off excess energy.  Sometimes it's not possible to send them outside to play or hop in the car and take a drive someplace fun where they can run around and socialize with other kids.
So, every parent's question is, "How can I keep them from getting bored and driving me (and each other) nuts?  That my friends, is the million dollar question for all. 
This winter (now Spring) has kept me on my toes with all the snow days, early dismissals and two hour school delays.  The calendar may now say Spring but we had snow 3 out of the last 5 days.  Yesterday, my kids were released from school early and today they went in late.  All because Mother Nature must be on vacation and forgot to update the weather chart, which I'm sure she keeps on her office wall.
Here's a list of things I like to do to keep my kids entertained and engaged:

1. Picnic for lunch-We spread a blanket out on the rug in the living room. I like to have a variety of kid friendly finger foods: strawberries, grapes, finger sandwiches, cubed cheese, crackers, pepperoni and more.
2. 
   Board Games-Candy Land, Chutes and Ladders, Scrabble Flash, Jenga, Dominos, Bingo, Checkers, Monopoly and Sorry are just a few favorites in our house.
3. Baking-Chocolate chip cookies, brownies, cake, cupcakes and more.  My children enjoy frosting and decorating goodies before gobbling them up.
4. Cooking-Both my love to help me prepare dinner.  I haven't gotten to the point of having them chop anything up yet but they do enjoy washing veggies, adding ingredients, setting timers and stirring pots.
5. Coloring-I like to buy a few large activity coloring books that they can pull out on days they're stuck indoors.
6. Computer Worksheets-Believe it or not my kids enjoy doing these.  Even my 8 year old son who "hates" school.  I think he likes it because it's just for fun and it's not homework.
7. Arts and Crafts-I have a box dedicated to arts and crafts.  It's filled with the essentials like: paper, crayons, markers, glue, stickers, foam and fabric pieces, googly eyes, yarn, Popsicle sticks and more.  Whenever I'm at A.C. Moore or Michael's I'll pick up a craft kit or two if they're on sale.  My kids like to paint ceramics, sun catchers, door signs, and more.
8. Puzzles-I always have these on hand.  It keeps them busy for a while.  I like to get ones that are a little challenging for their age but not too hard where they give up quickly. 
9. Puzzle books-Word finds, mazes and easy crossword puzzles are a keeper.
10. Movie Day with Popcorn-Yum
11. Building forts using blankets and couches/chairs-Lots of fun and creative imagination.
12. Dance Party-Whether it's the radio, Cd's or ipod the kids love turning on the radio, singing and dancing around all crazy.
13. Dress up-My daughter loves to dress up and play princess.  She'll put on a fashion show or have a tea party with all of her babies.  I'll do her hair, nails and makeup too for the total girlie experience.
14. Wii-Though I try to limit video game and computer usage these can be active and interactive on bad weather days.  I love the wii because it gets the kids moving.

The most important thing to remember is keep your child engaged and you're day will go much smoother and you're kids will be happier.  Just have fun and make it a special day together.

Lift Someone Up instead of Knocking them Down with Judgement

I can’t stay silent any longer. There are so many people out there complaining about the housing market and being pissed off at their neighbors for short selling on their house or having it foreclosed. I understand you’re upset. I can understand you’re angry. I know this is because it effects the value of your house. The house you have poured blood, sweat and tears into over the last X amount of years. I get that. However, I don’t get why you are so pissed off at your neighbors. WHY?! Do you truly think they want to sell at a loss or lose their house to the bank? If you think this then you’re wrong.


Those people that you may be upset with are hurting right now more than you can imagine. Do you think that most of them didn’t feel the same excitement you did when you purchased your house? Do you think they didn’t put money, time and effort into making it their own? Put yourself in their place for a few minutes before you judge.

Yes, there are those people out there that walk away from a house thinking “fuck it” and don’t care. But that is the vast minority. They’re devastated by the knowledge that they are losing their home. It is not a choice, not an option. It is their own personal fiery hell that they are going through. I am sure they fought to hang on and long as they could. I’m sure they weren’t being unselfish and giving you the finger and thinking…screw them, I want their house to lose value. Think about it. Most people don’t think like that.

These people are on the cusp of drowning. They are aching inside. I’m sure they explored every option and fought tooth and nail for it not to happen. For some, I’m sure the loss of their house ripped their family apart.

Think about it. In this economy there are many reasons why people are losing their homes. It’s not because they were careless financially. Consider this….job loss, work injury, health costs and added or unforeseen financial stress. Pick one, any one. These are the main reasons why most people are selling their home for a lose or having it foreclosed on them. This economy is taking no prisoners. People do not chose to lose their jobs. They do not intentionally get hurt on or off the job. They do not control getting serious life threatening illnesses. They did not plan to have the additional financial burden of supporting their parents. They did not realize that the bank authorized a loan for more than they could afford in the long run. The housing and job market have crashed and there are many victims laying on the side of the road. Before you cast a stone and judge them why not lend a hand to help them back on their feet. A kind word sometimes goes a long way. Don’t condemn what you don’t know. You are not living in their shoes. Be a part of the solution, not part of the problem.

You Got to have Friends

Women need a support group of friends.  Women also need a variety of friends.  There are friends we can tell anything too.  Then there are more casual friends that you bond together over a particular thing.  We have childhood friends, mommy friends, co-worker friends, internet friends and the list goes on and on. It's good to have a variety of friends that you can lean on for support because they each fulfill you different needs in a friend.
I have a few close friends but a large support circle of  friends.  I think in each of my circles I have one or two go to friends are can discuss anything with. 
I have an old childhood friend that I have lost touch with a few times but somehow we find each other again.  We were the best of friends through middle school and high school.  We lost touch for a few years after she moved out of the area and our interests became more varied.  As most teenagers, we had a stupid spat and it separated us for a while.  But, we're like sisters, bonded for life.  We found our way back to each other and I attended her wedding about 12 years ago.  She was living out of state at that point so it was hard to keep in touch.  She was a busy newlywed and I was single working insane hours as a retail store manager.  We lost touch again.  It took another 8 years to reconnect.  We had both moved several times since the last time we spoke so it was took a lot of hard work to find each other.  I finally bit the bullet and joined Facebook because I saw this mini photo of a person that looked a lot like one of her sisters.  I signed up and immediately sent out a message asking the person if they were who I though they were.  I was blessed to find out it was indeed her sister.   I was immediately given her email address and told that my friend had been searching for years for me too.  It was joyous reconnecting again.  She is like the sister I never had.  Even when we've been apart, she's always been in my heart.  I believe every woman should have at least one friend like this.  I feel very blessed.
Another type of friend is the co-worker friend.  I have several of these type from past jobs.  However, it's great when this friend becomes more.  Unfortunately, I've also been burned badly by numerous of these types of friends so I'm now much more leery of this type.  My close co-worker friend was someone I didn't even connect with when I first started that job.  I felt we had nothing in common and she was the distant sort.  That all changed when I became pregnant with my first child.  She too was pregnant and due 8 weeks before me.  We bonded after that and have been close ever since.  She went on maternity leave and never returned to that job. I think that helped our friendship because we didn't have any work drama after the kids were born.  Nine years later and we still keep in touch weekly and get together at least a few times a month for lunch and shopping at the mall.  I can share anything with her and I know she'll listen with an open mind.  She's there with advice and support.  I love this about her. 
My third type of friend is my mommy/school friend.  This is a friend who has kids in your child(ren)s school.  You may have met them while hanging out with your kids in the neighborhood, at the local part, in the school yard or at a school function.  Beware of these friends because some are fake and like to cause "mama drama".  You might miss the clues at first but when you see them run as fast as you can in the other direction.  You do not want to get sucked into mama drama.  Been there, done that.  It's so not worth it.  After all is said and done you may lose a person you thought was your friend, you may lose shared friends who don't really know what happened and your child may lose a friend.  I'll touch upon these things in another post.  For those of you that have been reading my blog for a while, you may remember a post about a bully mom.  Those are the ones that cause mama drama and are so not worth having in your circle of friends.  Find moms that you can connect with.  However, do not try to force friendships between your children.  It may become an issue later.  I can think of one particular friend when I write about this category.  Our children are not friends but will play with each other and, I guess, are friends of a sort.  We connected in a way through my son and her daughter.  Our kids were in speech together during kindergarten.  We didn't meet until I moved into the house behind her right before first grade.  She has become a wonderful friend and neighbor.  What connects us is she has two daughters with disabilities and my son has a hearing impairment.  She is a great support system.  I can always go to her when I'm looking for advice on how to handle a situation at school or a CSE (Committee on Special Education) meeting.  She gets it.  My son is not considered "special needs" and sometimes I have difficulty maneuvering channels. If I don't fight for him he'll get lost in the shuffle.  She is always giving me advice and feedback on my questions.  I can talk to her about anything and she's non-judgmental.  Truly an amazing woman.
When I look at my close friends I realize how truly blessed I am.  I have 5 or 6 that are my go to woman.  I know that they will listen, offer advice and support me whenever I need them.  Everyone should have at least one friend like that.  Foster those friendships and you will reap the  rewards of someone who will always listen and have your back.  Remember to return the favor to them too.  You get back what you put in.  Also, cut any negative, gossipy, mama drama types from your llife.  They are not worth all the energy they are sucking out of you (and possibly your family).  These woman can come back to haunt you.  Trust me, I know.  It's been a year and a half since I cut one of those from my life and she haunts me because her daughter is in my son's class and she is a neighbor.  It's truly like hell.  If I'd known then what I know now I wouldn't have allowed myself to become so close with her and her family.  Hindsight is 20/20 so we have to accept, move on and learn from our mistakes without becoming jaded.
I am truly thankful for my wonderful friends.  Without them I think I would be lost.

So this is it

I'm sitting here with an electric heater on me keeping the living room warm.  This past weekend was a new low but we made the best of a bad situation.
Our oil tank is empty.  It's really not surprising considering the last time we had a delivery was at the end of the summer.  That was the beginning of the end of our financial cushion.  I didn't realize how bad it was because my husband never chose to share it with me.  Unfortunately, we have separate accounts and take care of different household pieces so I didn't know.  I've always wanted a shared household account but I understood that my husband was burned by his ex-wife when it came to money.  She drained all their accounts when they split, let their car be repossessed (rather than sell it), lived in their house until the bank foreclosed on it and wrote bad checks.  I get it so I don't push.  It's small in the scheme of things.  However, he's always been clear with me on how our finances sit.  He's always had some savings to fall back on.  Now it's all coming down around us.  The extra mortgage payment sitting in the bank is gone and there's nothing left sitting around.  The end is slowly, perilously drawing closer and closer. 
The biggest drain is my parents and my heart is sick over it.  Nine years ago my dad lost his job of 30 years.  His plant closed and everyone was out of work.  My mom came to stay with us and help with my son, who was a baby at the time.  It helped them financially because it was one less mouth to feed, less energy being used in their house, etc.  My dad finally admitted that he could not find a job where they were living.  He left my brother in charge of the house, found a job where we were and moved in.  Ever since then we've been carrying most of the financial burden.  We paid $100 extra a month in rent because my parents were living with us.  We paid the whole rent.  We were under the impression that once my dad got back on his feet he would start helping with the rent.  One year turned into two, turned into five and it never happened.  Sure, he would contribute to the groceries here and there or part of an oil delivery but nowhere near half or a third of the cost for us to all live there.  All of us (6 of us in a 3 bedroom once my daughter was born) was way to much.  It put a huge strain on my marriage and my relationship with my parents.  The good that came out of it, is that my kids got to see their grandparents every day.  Too bad they had trouble enforcing boundaries with them.  It was rough.  My husband and I were both retail managers working on salary.  At one point we both were working 60 plus hours a week and I was commuting 45 minutes each way. 
The strain got unbearable.  The bickering worse.  My husband and I knew we couldn't continue to live that way.  We knew our marriage was unraveling quicker each day and we fought tooth and nail to survive.  Finally, after searing off and on for a few years we found a two family house to purchase.  It wasn't exactly where we wanted or how we wanted to live but we knew we couldn't continue going on as we were.  Ideally, we needed and wanted my parents to find their own place but that wasn't going to happen.  We couldn't abandon them because we are not that kind of people.  That was part of the mental and emotional battle we both had going on.  My dad committed to being able to pay a certain amount of the mortgage each month.
Now we are where we are.  My dad has never actually paid the amount he committed too originally.  We are still not in our ideal living situation.  My dad acts like he's the primary mortgage holder and tries to call the shots.  He doesn't get it.  We pay over $500 more a month then he does.  We have identical places except their attic is finished.  They have more livable space.  I don't begrudge that, especially since I like our side more.  What continues to kill me is every time we struggle to make the mortgage payment my dad doesn't get it.  If we ask him to put in more money he says he either a) doesn't have it or b) needs us to repay it within 7 days.  It kills me.  We have been very clear about the situation.  He has blinders on and refuses to listen.  At the end of this month he will be driving to visit my brother who is 6 hours away.  He will spend at least $500 while he is gone.  I don't begrudge him getting away but paying the mortgage is way more important.  I don't think he understands that he will be losing the roof over his head too and that if it comes to that he will not be welcome to live with us.  His only "solution" is for us to move in with them and rent our side out.  Ummmm.....no.  Make that a HELL NO!  We bust our asses and pay the majority of the mortgage we're not going to pack up everything we own and live on your side with you.  We did that before (but them living with us).  It didn't work.  They treated our house like it was their house and we were living with them. I didn't mind them feeling at home.  That's how it should be.  But it wasn't like that.  It was like we were visiting.  Lights blazing everywhere, living room TV running my mom's TV shows 24/7 and her claiming one couch as hers.  I can only imagine how they would treat us if we truly were living in their house.  It would be a nightmare.  To top it off (and I mean no judgement or disrespect to anyone) but my mom is a pack rat (hoarder) and a smoker.  She use to smoke outside when she lived with us and the first year in this house (2 yrs ago) but not anymore.  I can literally smell the smoke seeping through our shared wall (their kitchen, our entryway into the basement).  It's too much.  I draw the line.  I can't live that way and I can't expect my family to do it either. 
My husband is actively trying to find work out of state, where the cost of living is reasonable.  We're hoping to rent out our side of the house.  Until then we continue to keep our heads up and get by the best we can. We did get kerosene for the oil tank.  Unfortunately, nothing will kick in.  My dad is trying to figure out why now.  The temperatures last night fell below freezing.  I had to leave the faucets all dripping and pray the water didn't freeze.  We ran the electric heater upstairs at a 65 and stayed warm all night.  This morning I turned on the downstairs heater too.  While the air is warmer, there's still a cool breeze in the air.  Doesn't help that all the windows in the old house are extremely drafty no matter what I do.
I'm off now to pick up my son from school while my daughter goes to girl scouts.  I pray that the furnace will be working when I return.  I don't know what we'll do if it's not.  We've been showering next door.  I've been doing the dishes by heating water on the stove and pouring it into the sink.  We'll survive but it won't be easy.  Praying the temperatures heat up soon.  We can't afford for anyone to come out and look at anything.  It's a disaster right now.  Keeping my head up, my mind clear and my attitude as positive as I can.  If I don't I'll be a sobbing mess and that won't help us right now.  Too bad a great paying, work from home job couldn't land in my lap right now.  Or we could win the lottery.  Either of those would work right now.
***Chin up and moving forward.

Just trying to make it

Well, it finally happened.  What my husband and I have been worried about for months now. 
Yesterday, I noticed the water in the faucet never quite got past lukewarm.  It wasn't icy cold but it wouldn't get hot.  I didn't want to fully acknowledge the obvious, so I put it on the back burner.  Hubby got home early and him and my son went with a friend and his daughter to see a basketball game in the city.  They were able to go because my husband's friend gets free passes to things like this.  I'm very grateful they were able to go and enjoy a guys night out because they deserve it.  And to be honest, it gets tiring being stuck in the house all the time. Part of it is due to the crappy, unpredictable winter we've had here.  But most of it is because we are broke.  Broke, broke, broke.  Sad, but true.  We've accepted the bitter pill rammed down our throat.  So, it was nice that they could get out and I wasn't going to ruin it by telling my hubby something that could wait.
I woke up this morning and the house was still at 60 degrees.  This is where we keep the thermostat set as of late.  I run an electric heater downstairs during the day and turn one on upstairs before the kids go to bed.  When I go to bed I turn it off.  I'm constantly concerned about electrical fires.  A family in our town had one on Christmas day and that's when I decided that the heater stayed off at night.  To be honest, we haven't really missed it.  So, since it wasn't any colder than normal, I thought maybe (just maybe) I could be wrong about my conclusion for the lukewarm water the day before.  I tested the water.  Nope, still lukewarm.
My parents live next door to us.  We share a 2 family home that we primarily pay for (part of the whole we're broke thing).  The silver lining was I went there and was able to use their shower.  Hallelujah!  I told my dad about the water and he said he'd go over to check things out.  We both knew it was one of our biggest fears come true.  I wanted it to be some minor miracle where the hot water heater shut off and just needed to be reset.
Yep, my prayers for a miracle were not to be answered.  I couldn't cry and rally against god.  I knew it was coming and there was nothing we could do about it.  Our hands are tied financially.  We're doing all we can to hold onto the house at this point and make the mortgage payments.  My dad came back with the obvious answer.  We were out of oil.  Goodbye heat and hot water.  Goodbye.  I don't know how the house stayed at 60 degrees all night last night, but I am eternally thankful it did.
Here's the dilemma about being a middle income family...you don't meet the requirements for any kind of financial assistance EVER.  It sucks!  I know living in a lower income household is worse.  My heart aches for people in that situation.  I don't want to be there and we're struggling on the verge of the precip and ready to tumble over into the darkness.  The fact is between my husband's salary and my unemployment/comp we make too much for assistance.  No one takes into consideration the necessary cost of living.  Sure, we don't have to own a house but we can't even sell the house for what it's worth right now.  We've only had it 2 1/2 years. We got it right before the housing market totally crashed.  If my dad was able to actually contribute the money he claimed he would to the mortgage we wouldn't be in this mess.  We've slowly made our way through our little bit of savings.  Every month we are late on all our bills except the mortgage.  I don't know how we're going to make the payment this month.  I'm scared and worried but I keep it inside because freaking out is not going to help the situation.
The oil problem has been over our head for a while now.  We received our last oil delivery back in July.  The cost was over $700.  We still owe about $350 because of the monthly late charges.  They refuse to deliver any more oil.  My dad even asked back in December if he could pay (cash on delivery) for a delivery for us.  Don't know how he could afford it, but he tried.  They said no.  We had to pay our balance in full before they would deliver.  We can't win.  They won't deliver until we pay the whole bill off and if we do pay the whole bill off they will only deliver if we pay cash on delivery.  So, even if we could by some stretch of the imagination pay it off we can't afford to fill it.  It's a no win situation.  We're truly stuck. 
My husband is going to go to the gas station after he gets home today and fill up a couple gas cans with kerosene.  I wish we could avoid this but we have no choice.  We're in a no win situation and I'm worried we could very well be homeless in a few months.  I keep tapping down the worry.  Trying to think positive that everything will work out.  My husband is feeling the pressure of it all since he is the main income holder.  He's about ready to lose it.  He is the "bread winner".  He holds it all together not only for our family but for my parents too.  Not that my parents really realize this.  They are in denial.  I think they believe we have money hidden away some place and are just asking them for more because we want to save ours.  It couldn't be farther from the truth.
I can feel the house getting colder as I type, even with both our electric heaters running.  The next few days will be ok but by mid week the lows will be below freezing and I fear about the pipes freezing.  Hopefully the kerosene will get us through the next few weeks...next few months.
The pressure is on and the fear is there.  Going to go try to put on my happy face for the world so they don't realize how close I am to losing it.

A Mom's Gotta Do, What a Mom's Gotta Do

So, this weekend I was sick. Achy, sore, exhausted sick. Kids and hubby to the rescue. They were great about letting me rest, kept the noise level down and continuously check on me and brought me food/water. Love them to pieces for that. I swear aliens took over their bodies temporarily, but you won’t hear me complaining.


Hubby took the kids out during the afternoon to the skating rink. They had open skating for a few hours and then my daughter had lessons a little after that. The kids had a blast. One of my son’s friends was there and they got to hang out. My princess skated the whole time with her daddy. And I got peace and quiet. Heaven, right?

Not so much. That’s because I’m a bad, sick mommy. I’m my own worst patient. While everyone is home it’s easy to stay in bed and relax. I know if I don’t one of two things is sure to happen. I will either over do things and no one will stop me or I will be told to sit on the couch in the middle of the chaos, all the while wanting to straighten up. Better to hide in the bedroom and force myself to relax.

At this point, most of the aches and pains were gone and my energy was slowly coming back. I had to take it easy because I didn't want to become exhausted. Within minutes of that front door closing I made my way slowly downstairs to find something to eat and a book to read. Too bad I can’t have tunnel vision because I saw the mess. Granted, not a major mess but still a mess that my hands itched to clean. I don't like clutter, but I can deal with it.  A house is not a home without clutter...I just wish I could hide mine better. It's the little things laying thrown carelessly about or piled up where they're not supposed to be that drive me slowly insane.

I figured I’d straighten up a bit and that would be that. Seeing the tracked in dirt on the kitchen and entryway floor drove me crazy. So I got out the broom and started there. Then I saw that our stairs could do with a good sweep so I did that too. There were a couple of dried up food spills on the floor so I cleaned them up. I didn’t have the energy to actually mop. Plus, I detest mopping.  Was that food crumbs I spied under the coffee table? I try to limit the kids eating in the living room because crumbs just can't be helped at their age. I grabbed the dirt devil and sucked those up too, along with other tiny miscellaneous things clinging to the carpet. I finally made my way to the cupboard to get a snack only to find it gone…fodder in someone else’s tummy. Dang it all to heck! I expended all my energy cleaning up and wanted to reward myself with a treat. That’s when I noticed some Tupperware crammed into the wrong space, so I rearranged that too. I went back to the living room. I folded up blanket laying on the floor and put it neatly over the back of the couch. I straightened the pillows. I picked up my daughter’s pillow pet and various kitty Webkins and put them on a corner of the couch. My son had left a waded up t-shirt and a few toys laying around. Those went onto the other corner of the love seat. His Crayon Maker was laying outside of it’s box so I tidied that up and put the box back under the end table where we keep it hidden.

I was finally ready to make myself something a bowl of oatmeal and a cup of tea. I went to grab my book and noticed the dust collecting. So, I grabbed my duster and quickly cleared away the dust.

FINALLY, I made it back upstairs; just a bit winded from my mini cleaning spree.