Standing on Shaky Ground

The last few weeks have been rough.  I'm going through something I went through last summer and a bit at the beginning of last summer.  And now it's back.  It sucks.

A few weeks ago I took my son out shopping for school.  We didn't get further than Taco Bell for lunch.  We were chatting, having a good time.  We ordered our food.  We sat down.  I could feel the sun shinning through the window and the heat from it pierce me.  I started to feel off.  So I suggested to my son that we move because the sun was making mommy feel sick.  Sat down at another table that was not so sunny.  Same thing.  I could feel the heat surrounding me and darkness edging in.  I was terrified I was going to blackout right there. 

I gently explained to my son how I was feeling and he understood immediately.  He was there last summer when I had to have my husband drive me from the mall to urgent care.  Neither of us wanted a repeat.  I slowly made my way up to the counter and asked for a to go bag.  We put everything inside and left to head back home.  Being in the air conditioned van helped a lot.  I brought my son to my parent's house and I laid up in the air conditioning most of the afternoon.  I felt useless, helpless.

Rewind to last summer.  I spent an hour outside at Lowe's with my girlfriend pursuing the gardening area.  It was a hot, humid and sunny.  I felt ok.  I left to drive home because my kids would be getting out of school within the hour.  I went to start my van and was suddenly overcome by dizziness.  I blasted the air conditioning and tried to shake it off.  Within minutes I realized I couldn't keep driving.  I thought I was going to pass out. I felt weak and my hands were shaking.  I pulled into a parking lot and reclined my seat back. I thought resting in the cold air would help.  I was wrong.  I could feel the blackness heavy, all around me.  I decided to go into the Taco Bell (not the same one) and get a drink.  My dad's diabetic so I was thinking I was either dehydrated or having a some kind of problem with my sugar.  All I remember is darkness speckled with white spots .  I had never been so afraid.  I ordered a coke and sat down. 

It just kept getting worse and worse.  Like a drunk, I bobbed and weaved to the counter.  I thought for sure I'd end up on the floor.  I told the cashier what was wrong and asked her to call an ambulance.  Now I was also mortified.  Go figure.  Even surrounded by fear and uncertainty I didn't want to cause a "scene".  Life is funny, isn't it?

The paramedics came, took my vitals, asked me questions and took me out on a gurney.  Definitely not a stellar moment.  My mind was swirling with the fact my kids were in school and I had to be there to get them.  In the hospital corridor I called my husband and dad.  My husband dropped everything to meet me and my dad picked up my kids.  Thank God for that.  I'm glad it didn't play out differently.

I remember being thirsty and asking for water. The nurse said she'd be right back.  She never returned. I wanted to cry. When I stopped another nurse 15 minutes later she told me I couldn't have anything until my test results came back.  I was hooked to an IV. They did an EKG.  I remember it feeling like forever.  The hospital told me they thought it was vertigo and to do a follow up with my doctor. 

My doctor said definitely wasn't vertigo.  His diagnosis was dehydration and possibly a sudden drop in blood pressure.  He told me to drink lots of water and Gatorade and to avoid going outside on hot, humid days.  I tried my best but I had three more episodes that summer and an urgent care visit.  I discussed it during a comp visit with my doctor's PA she said it could be hypoglycemia .  She told me to eat more frequent, smaller meals with lots of protein.

Once summer was over I felt "normal" again".  I had a few issues at the beginning of June this year but I was able to keep it together.  Now it's back. 

Last week I had a job interview and the room was hot and without air conditioning.  I felt light headed and weak but made it through.  I kept praying I wouldn't face plant on the floor.

The next day (Saturday) I took my daughter shoe shopping.  I felt a little off but was determined to make it through.  We successfully purchased shoes but when we went out to lunch I felt it really coming on.  Within minutes of placing our order I had to request it to go.  I tell you, the people at Cracker Barrel were extremely understanding and helpful.  I'm so grateful.

I haven't felt 100% normal since that day and I'm worried.  My husband had yesterday off and took me to Longhorn's for lunch.  Within moments I felt that warm, dark sensation again.  I think the bright lights over each table brought it on.  We had to leave before we even ordered.  I felt like I was going to pass out at school pickup and had to leave my husband there to collect my daughter, as my son had already come out. I spent the next hour on the couch.

Today is the same.  I feel tired.  I keep drinking water in case it is dehydration but that just makes me use the bathroom every 20-30 minutes.  I've made sure I'm eating right.  Plenty of food and  lots of protein.  My fear is diabetes but I had some required blood work done for our medical insurnce renewal and it shows all my numbers showing in the acceptable range.  That was at the end of June after I had a minor issue at school pickup.  I'm totally at a loss.

I can't live my life this way.  It's scary and frustrating.  I feel helpless.  I hate it!  I feel like my life is being stolen away.  The job I applied for is a kitchen job in one of the area schools.  At this point I don't feel comfortable taking the job.  It's mine from what she told me.  We're just waiting for my drug test and background check to come through.  It should be in any day now.  I don't know what to do.  Do I take it and chance blacking out while working?   My friend works for the company and helped me get an interview.  I don't want her to be upset if I end up saying no to the job.  It's the ideal job (except for the pay).  I would just need my parents to help me for an hour in the morning so it's doable.  It's minimum wage which sucks but it's a start.  A foot in the door.

I'm so lost, I don't know what to do.  I don't know what the right answer is.  I pray to feel better in the next day or so and maybe I won't have to worry about all theses things for a while longer. 

Have you ever felt this way or known anyone who has?  I feel so alone in this.  It's frustrating not knowing what's going on, what brings it on or what I can do to prevent/control it.  Hopefully answers will come my way soon.

Fast Food....Never Again!

Let me start by saying, we ate Fast Food yesterday.  And oh my lord, it was awful!  It reminds me why we avoid it.  Ironic that Daddy and Goalie Boy had Micky D's on the way back from Poconos and Little Bee and I had Burger King here.  Mistakes on both our parts.
Little Bee and I went to BK because she had received a birthday certificate from school for a free kids hamburger meal.  Neither of us like BK but it she really wanted to go.  It was the perfect opportunity on our girls day.  The guys were hungry and wanted to catch a quick meal they could eat on the drive home.   Totally acceptable and understandable.
We've always limited eating it for health and cost reasons.  Let's be reasonable....it's full of fat, salt and preservatives.  It's extremely unhealthy.  Also, if you can make the time to cook a meal for your family you can spend the same amount of money (if not less) and eat better quality food.
A few years ago we ate it more often.  Not by choice per say but because my husband worked in the industry and we (him and I) were constantly on the go.  He would get his meals for free.  He avoided eating it as much as possible but it's hard when you're managing a restaurant and working there 12 hours a day.  I was working similar hours so it wasn't unheard of to pick up a quick bite going to work on the late shift or coming home from it.  Still, we tried to make the best choices since he worked there and I didn't have the time or money to sit down and eat better on the job.  We rarely took our kids out because we did not want them eating this type of food constantly. 
We have taken the time to explain the pitfalls of eating at fast food places.  We have also talked about weighing menu options and making the best choices.  We have a rule...if we eat out at one of these places they are not to order two fried items.  Example...no chicken nuggets and french fries.  If they want fries then they need to choose a hamburger.  After watching Jamie Oliver's Food Revolution show my kids won't eat chicken nuggets anyways.  That made a good impression on them which I hope stays seared into their brains. 
I can tell you this, when my son gets his birthday certificate to Burger King I will be tossing it and offering him a different choice.  We rarely eat out as it is because it's too expensive.  I will be doing it this once because I can't go there again.
Usually, on the rare excursion into Fast Food Land I will order a salad.  I really like McDonald's Southwest Grilled Chicken salad and Wendy's Apple Pecan Salad.  They are fresh and tasty.  We never go to Burger King and I was not impressed with their salad choices.  To top it off, I really had to look for that part of the menu.  It was hidden over to the far left and buried in the middle of other things.  I got a grilled chicken sandwich and splurged with onion rings. I should have skipped the whole thing.  It was disgusting.  And I knew it was going to be.  Why did I do that?  Geesh!  The bun was dry.  The chicken looked over grilled and was like shoe leather.  The onion rings looked undercooked.  They weren't a nice golden color.  Just kind of pale and gross looking.  I was starving, so I ate it.  Never again.

My son and husband told me their McDonald's food was gross too.  Goalie Boy said his french fries were cold so he only had a few.  Too bad we paid the price.  Hubby said his stomach felt nasty, but he was able to sleep it off.  Goalie Boy in the bathroom at 11 pm getting sick.  The good news (if you can call it that) was his stomach was fine after that and he was back to sleep in no time.  This isn't the first time he's gotten sick after eating fast food coming home from Nascar.  He too, said Never again.  I wasn't quite so "lucky".  I felt nauseous from 8:30 on.  I didn't get sick until 2 a.m.  Nothing like laying in bed trying to sleep with a rocky stomach.  I took Pepto at 9 but obviously that didn't help.  It was beyond disgusting.  I finally fell asleep around 3.  My stomach still isn't 100%.  I'm sipping chamomile tea while I'm typing this.  I think I'll attempt some dry toast in a bit.  Wish me luck.
Swearing off fast food for a long time!  I'd say forever, but we no that's not realistic at times.  I hope it's forever though.
Unfortunately, whenever we eat fast food lately it has its consequences.  And boy did we pay.

By the way...my daughter is the only one who had no stomach issues.  I'm so grateful.  She didn't eat everything.  About half a burger and not even half the fries.  She loves fries, so I know those had to be gross too.  I'm so glad that I make my own baked fries and the kids love them.  So much healthier and the kids don't crave the junk.

A Mom's Gotta Do, What a Mom's Gotta Do

So, this weekend I was sick. Achy, sore, exhausted sick. Kids and hubby to the rescue. They were great about letting me rest, kept the noise level down and continuously check on me and brought me food/water. Love them to pieces for that. I swear aliens took over their bodies temporarily, but you won’t hear me complaining.


Hubby took the kids out during the afternoon to the skating rink. They had open skating for a few hours and then my daughter had lessons a little after that. The kids had a blast. One of my son’s friends was there and they got to hang out. My princess skated the whole time with her daddy. And I got peace and quiet. Heaven, right?

Not so much. That’s because I’m a bad, sick mommy. I’m my own worst patient. While everyone is home it’s easy to stay in bed and relax. I know if I don’t one of two things is sure to happen. I will either over do things and no one will stop me or I will be told to sit on the couch in the middle of the chaos, all the while wanting to straighten up. Better to hide in the bedroom and force myself to relax.

At this point, most of the aches and pains were gone and my energy was slowly coming back. I had to take it easy because I didn't want to become exhausted. Within minutes of that front door closing I made my way slowly downstairs to find something to eat and a book to read. Too bad I can’t have tunnel vision because I saw the mess. Granted, not a major mess but still a mess that my hands itched to clean. I don't like clutter, but I can deal with it.  A house is not a home without clutter...I just wish I could hide mine better. It's the little things laying thrown carelessly about or piled up where they're not supposed to be that drive me slowly insane.

I figured I’d straighten up a bit and that would be that. Seeing the tracked in dirt on the kitchen and entryway floor drove me crazy. So I got out the broom and started there. Then I saw that our stairs could do with a good sweep so I did that too. There were a couple of dried up food spills on the floor so I cleaned them up. I didn’t have the energy to actually mop. Plus, I detest mopping.  Was that food crumbs I spied under the coffee table? I try to limit the kids eating in the living room because crumbs just can't be helped at their age. I grabbed the dirt devil and sucked those up too, along with other tiny miscellaneous things clinging to the carpet. I finally made my way to the cupboard to get a snack only to find it gone…fodder in someone else’s tummy. Dang it all to heck! I expended all my energy cleaning up and wanted to reward myself with a treat. That’s when I noticed some Tupperware crammed into the wrong space, so I rearranged that too. I went back to the living room. I folded up blanket laying on the floor and put it neatly over the back of the couch. I straightened the pillows. I picked up my daughter’s pillow pet and various kitty Webkins and put them on a corner of the couch. My son had left a waded up t-shirt and a few toys laying around. Those went onto the other corner of the love seat. His Crayon Maker was laying outside of it’s box so I tidied that up and put the box back under the end table where we keep it hidden.

I was finally ready to make myself something a bowl of oatmeal and a cup of tea. I went to grab my book and noticed the dust collecting. So, I grabbed my duster and quickly cleared away the dust.

FINALLY, I made it back upstairs; just a bit winded from my mini cleaning spree.

Who are these Imposters?

Friday night was not my friend. It all started when my son couldn’t find his beloved Hershey Bear. We searched high and low before bedtime but he was nowhere to be found. After much coaxing and hubby laying down in his bed with him for a bit, he fell asleep. Mommy enjoyed relaxing a bit and a little Twitter #wine party before heading upstairs. Not more than 30 minutes later he was awake and crying. I settled him back down and laid with him for a bit. This was repeated often over the next 2 hours before I finally accepted defeat and crawled into his bed for the rest of the night. It wasn’t pleasant for either of us I’m sure. He tends to move around in bed and a twin bed is not big enough for the two of us. Add my neck/shoulder/back problems and you can see that I was in trouble.

I rolled out of his bed about 6 a.m. and crept back to mine. I woke to my cell phone insistently demanding to be answered. I guess it was the second time my husband had tried to call. Oops! I was so tired that I slept through the first one and my alarm set for 7 a.m. never went off. It was now 8 a.m. and my son had to bed ready to leave for hockey by 8:30. Miraculously, I pulled my aching, sore self out of bed and woke the boy up. Even more surprising, he didn’t roll back over and go back to sleep. In record time I showered, got my daughter up, they both got dressed and we were out the door by 8:35. Not bad, I have to say.

I should have known something was wrong. I blamed all my aches and pains and exhaustion on a bad night of sleep in the boy’s bed. I couldn’t have been more wrong. There I was shivering at the rink trying to stay warm and awake enough to drive home. I’ve had plenty of Saturday mornings where I’m dead beat and I’ve never almost fallen asleep driving to and from the rink or sitting there watching the game.

I’m grateful that my kids chose to be understanding and good. Most of the time when I’m feeling off they tend to nag each other and me more. Not this time. Hallelujah! They got snacks and kept themselves entertained. Barely any arguments. I slept off and on from 11-5. I finally admitted the obvious. I had a nasty virus taking over my body. I took my temperature and it was 100.4. That said it all. I was supposed to go to mommies night out at a friend’s house. That was out.

My husband was very understanding too, if not as attentive as I would like. I’m not complaining, just stating a fact. He did keep the kids occupied and would send them up periodically to see how I was doing, get me some food or water. Again, a very grateful, sick mommy.

I’m feeling better today. Hubby understood that even though my fever is gone and I’m not so achy that I’m exhausted and need rest. The kids have been off for the past week and go back tomorrow. I need to be as close to 100% as possible. He got them out of the house and took them to the rink for a few hours. It’s peaceful and quiet now. Now time to nap.

Later, I’m going to blog about what a bad, sick mommy I was.

P.S. Hubby did all the dishes for me too! I was so excited. I guess between him and the kids there were almost no plates, bowls or silverware to be had.